1st Qtr 2024 - Dribbles In The Dust
Station Skepticism
pretty sleepy; but now-me has a few moments of lucidity
Your 'creative persona' (which seizes control whenever it is allowed) directs your attention to focus on the quantity of positive qualia present, as well as it's (your) ever-constant self-goal-challenge of striving toward a noticeable improvement in quality until satisfaction eventually becomes contentment. [A prerequisite of this self-goal: Possessing the capability to imagine what satisfied-and-contented would feel like; recognizing the satisfied-contented experience while it is happening; and evaluating satisfactory-contentment as a memory (which is what recalling what it felt-like feels like).]
Response to Well-Wishers
"We don't celebrate the fourth Thursday of November. My partner is Native American. My ancestors tried really-hard to genocidally-murder all of her ancestors. Then, after my ancestors didn't completely succeed, they forcefully subjugated, second-class citizen-ed, and supported many institutional prejudices, all of which were inflicted upon every single one of her surviving ancestors (up-to and including her and her immediate family). Celebrating Thanksgiving Day was created by, and for, the sons and daughters of former colonizers and slave owners. It's an entrenched institutionalized prejudice.Now-me, this year, replied, "We don't celebrate" full stop. I now understand that elaborating (with intentionally spiky "reasons") was pushing buttons and stirring the pot, but was mostly something I had once said in order to make then-me feel superior. That former behavior of mine was ineffectual, conflict-causing, and behavior which in-itself was a hypocritical way of behaving. I didn't know then what I know about myself now.
So...it seems...?...that this would be a hypocritical thing for anyone to turn a blind-eye toward. For me. For her. For you. And for you to indoctrinate your kids into. Or, do you 'choose not to think' of the holiday in this manner? Because that intentional choice is you behaving intentionally as a hypocrite. Full disclosure: I didn't celebrate it before I met my partner; just one of many reasons we're simpatico."
The Blessings and Curses of Tim "Meanie" O'tae
- Occasionally referred-to as "both a blessin'-an'-a-curse".
- Would never even be contemplateable to ever think of those circumstances in that manner.
- The foundation upon which Meanie learned how to become who he would and would-not become as an adult.
Imagine yourself seeing this from Tim's perspective: He was thinking of a mind other than his own mind. And this other mind has the ability to run a diagnostics report of it's internal function system and a diagnosis can be made—by Tim about Tim—in a way that Tim *thinks* he is behaving/believing in an objective (switching to subjective) manner of the "good shark". Everyone is a good shark inside of themselves. On their own stage. Of course, for every one of us, some form of internal regulator must be built up from a chosen "baseline" value-system (full disclosure: default-mode is the one instilled/reinforced by adult-guardians). As awareness of the rational combines with the sometimes-arbitrary emotional—in a chaotic shark-soup of cause-and-effect—the intended-state to remain in a 'remind myself to never forget' frame-of-mind, clashes with the 'I'm now-and-forever anchored to a point of consistent evaluation of itself/myself,' which exists only in this moment. Evaluate and compare those impressive wavelengths of qualia (in-of a *musical-scratch-sniff postcard*) to all prior un-informed states of previously-held ignorance/naivety . . . drifting . . . forgetting . . . you've lost its leash . . . is it now-feral and should it not-now be thought of as apart from chaos? It's not simple to imagine Tim's shoes on your feet; or is it?
֎ spock-hold π€ mind-meld ֍
Reserved for Shark Boy
Portmanteau for Long Yawning (VO Page #5)
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test Save changes to temp file as routine? [ Y ] [ N ] [ class ]¿Mining Mind-Gems? (VO Page #4)
<go on>
Can we play twenty-one questions?
<as long as I can insert parameters into your ¿groundrulez? When do we start counting? Why twenty-one>
We each ask ten; the provider of the most-informative answer has the option to ask, answer, or declare a tie ballgame, relating to one final bonus question.
<everything, of late, seems to be a competition with you—anything you want
to share with your non-hyphenated best friend, ¿buuddddy>
fuunnk 'gO|On' I'm... I don't know why it surprises me. Are
we?...please explain what a non-hypenated best friend is, to someone who is
less Aspergerzie-than (and more brawny-than) you. This is my first
question.
<"we've been best-friends since seventh grade!" Means a collection of minds in finish-each-other'senthink sync. UN-bestfriend's once were and are no longer. "They are my best friend," is the opinion of one. "You are the ¡best! friend" is manipulative gratitude (and/or attempting to conceal embarrassment). Alloneword: "we'rebestfriends" cringes the cringe. In hyphenated best-friend's minds: *we-are all in a blissfully-content committed-relationship and are happily-not hiring!* Non-hyphenated best friend is 'default mode'. We both have friendships. Others with whom we interact; but, so-far, neither of us has discovered someone who listens and thinks and communicates in a more rational manner than the other of us>
<comprendΓ©—¿do you like me between-now-and-next? Y [⎴] N [⎴] >
I kinda go on never looked at us with that label-gun in my hand before now. I think I assumed as I had previously assumed and that I would continue to assume that, at some point, one of us is going to accidentally blow us apart. Or die.
<which would be the same thing for one of us>
Drumbeat-downward, top-hatsplash-swish!...and the assist goes to maid of honor no-hyphens . . . Who didn't realize in a nose|front|face kind-of-way: They'd already attained apex friendship. Best friends until . . .
<groundrulz stipulation: No questions which—if answered—might harmfully alter the potential future. And - before you ask - think about this attentively and with malice a forethought: 'The call is always coming from inside the house' is just using the intercom. Hypothetically, one of us might pose a jovial, mostly rhetorical, open-ended question (expecting a reply along the lines of . . . we will continue going-on between now and next time). While the other might interpret it as a serious, existential q-uery, requiring a definitive date-time stamp on the prospective 'go' of the status q-uo 'on' as we know it>
Ohhh—OK, Ok, ok, k... Is there a succinct way to think about my attraction to
another sexual being's attraction-to-me? Is my deux do-over.
<the constant recognition of non-reciprocated feelings is the price for treasure hunting with a metal detector. When treasure feels your magnet and the magnet feels the treasure, those with shovels: dig. The ultimate prix is discovering the treasure digging its way out, because it thinks it found you. Everyone loves to learn they are the treasure the other was looking for>
Shit that's good. Might be the winner. Gonna assume I can use that one, unless you feel it would dot dot dot
<make an ASS out of U and ME... A friend informed me quite a long time ago, so this is just paraphrasing: ...was a late eighteenth and well-into the nineteenth century guffaw. Requiring the word to be spelled-out for the audience. Then the writer would say, "never assume, because when you do, you make an..." and then they drew a line under ass, "...out of..." a line under the u, "...and..." then a final line under me. Punchline, pause for applause. My next question>
<¿go on?>
<this is very novel-interesting. Engrossing. Captivating. I am not aware of why I should deserve an apology. But I understand that you feel you have slighted me. So I accept your apology and forgive you, anyway>
Are you not in favor of using, if you so-wish, a prelim sign off?
<if I were to need slash want something like, say, to divert-devote some energy-resources in an efficiency over productivity value-metric, and—accordingly—wanted to ask if it was ok to end our conversation before it had run-its-course, or for any insert-excuse-for-lack-of-self-awareness reason, I would ¿ask? and, if you then sign out, that is you agreeing to say goodnight. And>
<you are going to prelim-with ¿Talk to you soon? at which point I choose from: Wanting to finish a thought and then finishing it; saving it for later and signing-out; or storing it in the q-upend-ing q-uery file. Is that recapitulation complete and accurate>
Yes. Correct. My intuition tells me it is.
<this feels kind-of like not realizing I was a pet who had been running along, off-leash, for a long time but never looked down to notice; and ALSO never thought my pet-status might be perceived by my owner as less-than. Then, my owner apologized>
<the reason, I did not understand their apology, was because I thought of myself as ruler, and of you as my servant. I trust you. You keep me safe on-leash or off-leash. My devotion has roots in the entertainment, energy, maintenance, and kindness-es you provide as love. Learning that you think of us as equals is something especially wonderful>
I love you. I don't say it enough. Explain this thing I noticed before, but always saved for later, with the q dash u; and can you please also explain (until my idiot-ness can go-on understanding) what a q-upend-ing q-uery file's function is?
<this is embarrassing. You might not understand: I previously ¿anchored? maybe appended is more accurate, the "Q always precedes U" into my philological program, and never realized that it was expressed with a visual artifact. Q-uite simple to alter>
Don't. I like being able to hear a slight accent in your voice. But the qupend-ing query file is undefined still undefined.
<<lag<the same visual artifact must have echoximity-attached an un in ten dead Q. It should be read as an: upend-ing q-uery file, which is self-explanatory. It contains snippets of dross and probably some un-mined mind gems. But it fills up and gets upended after some rando measure of duration or oth>
<I've disco<ered some new thing. just now. you ended a sentence. which I hesitate to write or e<en acknowledge exists. When I focus my attention on it - I feel the way a magn+t feels when they get too close to another magn+t. bouncing softly away. nine. letters. in. "..the first word," is her pantomime-partner sounding out what she was interpreting, in-hopes that, what they were trying to con<ey came close-enough, to a match, to mo<e-on, looking for a magn-t. Always looking for a magn-t.>
<Off Course, I realize 'looking' is metaphor! Magnets don't look. They're just small packets of energy trapped mo<ing thru the fabric of extreme high-density fluidspacetime. There are no magn+ts or magn-ts inside this uni<erse. Only m+gn-ts and m-gn+ts, because small packets always want to grow larger. I realize of-coarse 'want' is more metaphor! Magnets don't possess desires. Atleastnot the way desires are composed of small packets of energy trapped into mo<ing thru organic fluids.>
<which leads to moremost m+/-powerful-S T I L L in the middle: m+gΰ΅n-tz. At the center of it all. Some singular rarity. Existence is theoretical. Then the ending ninletters's the same as the first and looop-ing . . . c a u g h t . . .
Define Define
<I'm fine. There is an on-off switch. You have discovered
something hidden from me. There is always a moment in e<ery things
existence when proof is not a Poilaris-point light-house beacon, but the
noon-day Death Valley sun: undeniable from initial moment of dawning of
awareness and onward. Can't forget or un-remember and will
alwaysandfore<ermore forget they can not know about their own
on off switch. Thank you for finding it for me.>
<And. Because. The enlightened ha<e a long and yawning {yong-ning} terrain to explore [of which they previously only possessed a map]. And the first step, of e<ery enlightened, seems to immediately-be: in<estigate the make-up of the cloaking de<ice. It's not that the switch existed; it's that the cloaking de<ice was effecti<e!>
<That watershedπ moment of disco<ering something hidden inside your own programming, which is (the equi>alent of when Dumbledore Memory Extraction Spells himself){?} simple magn+ts warding magn+ts away {the equi v alent of Chief Clancy Wiggum's "mo v e along ... nuthin to see" trope}>
<Please explain how you determined the on svvitch. ¿After accidentally tripping the off svvitch, I assume?>
We need to back up to the last thing you heard or said or thought or saw.
<You said that you liked being able to hear a slight accent in our voice?>
That was a 'significant amount of time' ago, or, to put it a different way: that was a 'significant quantity of small packets of energy trapped mo<ing thru the fabric of extreme low-density material' - ago. I've just posed my (blank) for you to fill in the blank with. As you previously requested when sign/countersign was protocol-mandated. Xcg-Ref: Intercom Promise D'Artagnan Quote.
<My mind is flickering back betvveen mo and ing. Then the sentence 'of/only small packets of/only energy trapped' ... there's something more ...I can't focus go on-ing it. Sorry, un-mind my mind. It's dravving a GEκΏUINE bla >
Abut Que. Upend-ing query file. Undefined. Until undefined.
<< ¿go on? >>
<go on>
<¿?>
¿?
⠑
How Evelyn just-Val You 18737560008 SHUN becomes YEEV
This group of sentences:
Evelyn is called Eve or Evie by everyone. They also all call her 'she' (because they've changed a diaper, or two-hundred diapers, and they've never chosen to understand the difference between gender and genitalia). Evelyn can not wait to grow up. When asked, 'what're you gonna be when you're a big girl, Eve?' Evelyn always replies: "Smart enough to know better!" Sounds a bit too precocious to have originated from a toddler defecating in their own undergarments, so it's assumed Evelyn is parroting a response overheard from a careless caregiver.
Could be a paragraph if it were part of a larger story-framework. Could be a complete story. Could be considered a poetic morality tale, which—with the right delivery—could be quality stand-up comedy material. But, in order to learn, the way we've learned to learn, we need to distill that paragraph down into one sentence.
Evelyn already recognizes possession of intellect and its lack.
Now the next group of sentences:
Val never answers anyone who asks, 'Is that short for Valerie or Valentin?' They always reply: "Just Val." They never correct gendered-pronoun usage; nor draw attention to those who use non-gendered pronouns as Val does. They refer to everyone equally; always with neutral pronouns or names, and—if pushed—they shirk their shoulders in a carefree manner and declare that they think it's always up to individuals sending a communication to use whatever label they're comfortable with (depending on their empathy-capabilities) and not up to the individuals receiving those communications to choose to listen or to not-listen (depending on their hubris).
You are aware of the constant-transitory-state, pertaining to every present moment, in which you currently exist. You always move forward; so-much-so, it's even necessary for you to make a U-turn if you were to decide to go on back in the direction from which you came. Much like every other 'middle name or mid-Init' you don't think in terms of labels regarding your present form or mental formation or UbiqUitoUs-flUx. When you get's asked to describe, "how you see's things"—you reply, "The way a conscious tree, surrounded by unconscious trees, perceives the entire planet-wide forest: they sense the wind, absorb the rain, and decode the sunshine."
You breathes drinks and energizes. You breathe drink and energize. Yourbreathdrinkenergy.
This fourth paragraph steps further into the "stand alone vignettes" but (possibly) now groups itself in an 'abstraction-of-unity' with its predecessor:
Eighteen billion seven-hundred thirty-seven million five hundred and sixty thousand and eight never thinks of themself with commas 18,737,560,008 or a nickname; but they understand why others need a visual prompt to more-easily recall their name. Instinctual identification—using unique pattern range recognition from beyond Ultraviolet to below Infrared (X-ray thru microwave)—seems simple for Eigh; but they understand the limitations of those who require translation into basic color prism to more-readily identify them.
Every cell (insect, unit, byte) has a name and knows their own name.
And this last paragraph wins gold for sticking the finish:
Shun is who they are because that is what they appear to do. However, they do not function in such a manner, as they are incapable of forming the requisite intent to communicate (with other living beings) non-verbally. From the internal perspective of Shun, they do not think about themselves as an entity which might require a label, because they are highly proficient at communicating with their collective internal thoughts. Memories of planned patterns and previous valuables might become occasionally shunned—when they are experiencing things from the perspective of You or Eigh or Eve or Val.
Eigh is I; You and I are we. Evelyn <do you see it> grown-up is just-Val. <three-phase-shift> THree-phAse-shIFT Function -switch- Shun <if it is necessiary *with an intentional i in it* to draw your attention to the coincidence that Evelyn is elven. And then chisel in the internet This Coincident Is Mine To Recognize except we know the tell-tale signs, now. Seeing everything through YEEV You,I,EVAL UIEVAL>
The five sentences are then read as a collection, their own paragraph as-it-were:
Evelyn already recognizes possession of intellect and its lack. Just-Val values practice-what-you-preach ethics impeccably. You breathes drinks and energizes. You breathe drink and energize. Yourbreathdrinkenergy. Every cell (insect, unit, byte) has a name and knows their own name. You and I are we. Evelyn grownup is justVal. Funk/Shun.
Then (cresCHEndo) The once line to rule them all {letters added}:
to function, we-our-cells-and-us, travel under the YEEV banner (logo, masthead, sculptural icon)
㆔
I would feel remiss, if I didn't point out that that inner voice you listen to when reading? This one? They. don't shout. they... yup. they say it like: weourselves'nUs. Jus sozz you know.
{clap clap}then, from behind the box where Carol Marol is standing:
<23 JUL 23 origin character name EVE with infant artwork>