Snaggletooth

This is a short non-fiction tale about an employee who I'll forever remember as 'snaggletooth'; a nickname I bestowed upon his short-bus-eligible ass.

"It just came out? The rest of your teeth are perfectly fine. Teeth don't just fall out. Did you get smacked in the mouth during a fight?" I asked. (Snaggletooth was a Military Police Investigator employed by me at the CID office, as an undercover drug officer. Although I knew of no "altercations," that just meant he or his supervisor decided not to tell the boss, not that a fight hadn't happened.)

"Nope. It fell out."

"Well you're lucky, the Army dentist will do it for free; for a civilian that'd be real expensive to fix."

"It's no big deal. I wasn't gonna fix it."

"What?"

"You think I should?"

"Yeah. I really think you should."

"I dunno, it's no big deal."

For the next seven months (until I fired him) he never fixed the front of his face. But...I'm getting ahead of myself. The next WTF happened a month later, when Snaggletooth's immediate supervisor, Staff Sergeant Snuffy, rushed into my office:

"Chief, Chief, you have got to hear this." He said as he came around my desk, picked up and dialed my phone, handed me the handset, and said. "Just listen."

The ring-tone was followed by Snaggletooth's voice: Hiya! You've reached Xxx Xxxx's Machine. I'm out arresting bad guys and can't get to the phone right now. Leave a message at the beep.

So his supervisor had to explain to him what the word 'undercover' meant, and I get a story to tell.

But that was just Snaggletooth's first strike. Several months later SSG Snuffy comes rushing into my office (he seemed to always be in a state of mania).

"Chief, Chief, you have got to see this." He said as he placed a well-worn, 100-page spiral notebook in the center of my blotter. It didn't lay flat because it had been, obviously, folded in half so that it could fit into a pocket. "Before you open it, though, let me explain."

"Is this about...?"

"Snaggletooth. Yea." Snuffy's eyes looked concerned but his voice was holding a giggle back. I suspected this was a prank of some kind and decided to go with it. "For as long as Snaggle's been working for me, I've seen him writin and I just figured—well, everyone did—that it was a diary. I asked him about it a while ago, cause I was concerned he might be puttin classified stuff in there and then might go an leave it layin around for anyone to find. But, he said it wasn't about work. He told me he was just writin in the book to pass the time. The only thing was, nobody on the team had ever seen what he wrote. I asked. They all said he always closed the book when they got close. I found it layin on the table in the break area, today. He musta left it there when he wentta lunch."

He nodded and look-pointed at the notebook (signaling it was time to read what Snagglepuss had written). I opened it at about the middle. Both sides of the pages were filled top-to-bottom, margin-to-margin, with numbers. Handwritten in black ink.

. . . 5982, 5983, 5984, 5985, 5986, 5987, 5988, 5989, 5990, 5991, 5992, 5993, 5994, 5995, 5996, 5997, 5998, 5999, 6000, 6001, 6002, 6003, . . .

I looked at Snuffy to see if this was a prank on me. The concern was still there, the giggle was no longer around. I leafed through the book. About 3/4 of the book was full and the last page was half filled.

. . . 94841, 94842, 94843, 94844, 94845, 94846, 94847, 94848, 94849, 94850, 94851, 94852, 94853, 94854, 94855, 94856, 94857

The front page began with 1. The last page ended with 94,857. Every number was on a line. None that I could see were skipped. I thought about, "All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy," from The Shining. I realized that I had an insane person working as an undercover drug officer.

I talked to Snaggle. He claimed, just like Snuffy said he would, that it was 'just something to pass the time'. I told him it was, in my opinion an abnormal way to pass the time. He asked what I would consider a normal way to pass the time. So...I noted that—since he liked to write—a normal way to pass the time, would be to sketch or write down anything that enters one's head, like a fiction story or maybe a real event that happened to him.

"I ain't got much talent for that kind of stuff, Chief." He replied.

So I suspended him from active case work and sent him to a psychiatrist. Snaggle told me his discussions with the therapist were, "...Mostly boring and a waste of time. He says my writing isn't abnormal, though..." His therapist sternly informed me I was wrong (I think he used inappropriate use of my authority and a bunch of other fluff-words) to have said Snaggle's "list-writing" was abnormal.

After about a month of Snaggle doing only paperwork, I discovered his car had handcuffs hanging from the rear-view-mirror, and an MP brassard in the rear deck. Strike three.

"Chief, I thought it was OK, since I'm on admin-duty, now."

"No Snag, it's not OK. But it will be next week. I'm sending you back to be a real time-y po-leece officer. You can carry those cuffs on yer belt and wear that brassard on yer shoulder and when you just want to pass the time, you can write down all the license plate numbers you see during your shift because that'll be a normal way for an MP who is not undercover to pass the time.

Our society tends to regard as a "sickness" any mode of thought or behavior that is inconvenient for the system, and this is plausible because when an individual doesn't fit into the system it causes pain to the individual as well as problems for the system. Thus the manipulation of an individual to adjust him to the system is seen as a "cure" for a "sickness" and therefore as good. — Theodore Kaczynski

Cycle Three

No, what worries me is that I might in a sense adapt to this environment and come to be comfortable here and not resent it anymore. And I am afraid that as the years go by that I may forget, I may begin to lose my memories of the mountains and the woods and that's what really worries me, that I might lose those memories, and lose that sense of contact with wild nature in general. — Theodore Kaczynski (from his June 1999 interview)

Hike Two

3.1 mile stroll through the forest today with Cecil.

We crossed paths with seven groups of people—three were with their dogs.

The first dogs actually caught up with us from behind. They were running full-out, ahead of their owner, who was sprinting. Cecil had been walking 20 feet behind me on a wide part of Wildwood Trail; I turned and noticed he was looking back the way we came. Then I heard the jingling of dog collars and started to dash back to him. But Cecil began to run toward the dogs, who were fast approaching.

For about a second I thought he confused the dogs with my movement; but as he scrambled up a tree (in two bounds, he was six feet up) I realized he had instinctively realized the proximity and speed of the dogs and realized the nearest climbable tree required him to run ten feet toward them first.

I pulled him off the tree before he got higher than I could reach (and received a couple of belly and chest scratches thankyousirmayIhaveanother). The dogs payed us almost no heed and we returned to hiking after they were no longer audible and his tail was no longer the size of a toilet brush. The other two dog-groups were fellow-hikers and we had time to prepare for their arrival and pick Cecil up (no scratches).

Words like "self-confidence," "self-reliance," "initiative," "enterprise," "optimism," etc., play little role in the liberal and leftist vocabulary. The leftist is anti-individualistic, pro-collectivist. He wants society to solve everyone's problems for them, satisfy everyone's needs for them, take care of them. He is not the sort of person who has an inner sense of confidence in his ability to solve his own problems and satisfy his own needs. The leftist is antagonistic to the concept of competition because, deep inside, he feels like a loser. — Theodore Kaczynski, aka prisoner number 04475–046 (he'd undoubtedly have a "News" show on FOX, if they were permitted to broadcast from the federal supermax in Florence, Colorado)

New Cat (redux)

On the 2nd of July, my kitten, Powell, died of FIP. Although he was only with me for about three weeks, he and I bonded quickly.

A few weeks ago I returned to the humane shelter and allowed a new cat to find me.

His points have the classic gray stripes of a blue Lynx-point Siamese, but he doesn't have the blue eyes, angular head, loud/constant vocalization, or slender body of a Siamese. Instead, he has gray-white (very light blue) eyes, a round head with the higher hip-bone shape of a Tabby. His coat is medium. His paws are largeish for his body-size.

Although the Humane Society said he was about 13 months old, my Vet said his teeth looked like a 8-10 month old kitten. He is currently 8.5 lbs.

We've named him Cecil O. Zonkey. I call him Cease or Zonk.

Cecil came from Cecil the Seasick Sea Serpent, because he was sneezing at the shelter and is still doing so (either a 3-week virus, or allergies). His middle name is Oscar, because he told me that was his name via mental telepathy (or, I picked it up unconsciously - but that's not very interesting). Zonkey was chosen by my paramour, because he has all the positive traits of a Siamese and a Tabby but none of the negative ones.

He has demonstrated:

• The signs of affection he gives are head butts, nose licks, and gentle tooth-touch-on nose/chin/cheek "bites".


• Allows the clipping of nails, the administering of earmiticide, and taking of pills without display of anger or fear (need to work on drinking from a syringe and taking a bath).


• Enthusiastically plays with our other cat.


• Loves to ride in the back window of a car.


• Rides in the carrier with our other cat like a sibling; in the cat backpack with little complaint.
  


• Not boisterous. He has a very quiet vocal range.


• He has worse-than-terrible eyesight (he actually has a visible nystagmus, the constant movement of his eyes from side-to-side).


• Will drink out of a plastic water bottle cap held in my hand (valuable for when he's thirsty and a larger receptacle is not available).


• Doesn't extend his claws or bite when engaging in pseudo-aggressive play behavior.


• Hikes fantastically. He followed/led for 2.5 miles through the forest without a hitch on his first hike.

In order to prevent the feline-failure-to-post-a-feckin-foto enforcement officials from further focusing on me, this is proffered:

Cecil O. Zonkey, 10 months

...we've made imprecise statements and statements that ought to have had all sorts of qualifications and reservations attached to them; and some of our statements may be flatly false. Lack of sufficient information and the need for brevity made it impossible for us to formulate our assertions more precisely or add all the necessary qualifications. And of course in a discussion of this kind one must rely heavily on intuitive judgment, and that can sometimes be wrong. So we don't claim that this article expresses more than a crude approximation to the truth. — Theodore Kaczynski (near the end of his manifesto; a paragraph that negates the previous 230 paragraphs . . . I love the use of his "royal we")

District 9 - Movie Review

District 9 is a humorous, character-based, speculative fiction story, which showcases mankind's racism and socio-economic bigotry by twisting it, so we see ourselves (humans) as the "bad-guys" relative to ugly-bug-aliens (the good guys).

Yes, there is plenty of action and suspense and thrills. Yes, the acting is good, with a clean script, fine editing and great direction. But—more importantly—it is not a re-tread. This is new. This makes you think. This is discussion fodder. Wonderful. Worth the cost of admission, even for humans who are not fans of sf.

Alienation, low self-esteem, depression, hostility, rebellion ... population growth, ideological conflict, political extremism, terrorism, sabotage, anti-government groups ... threaten the very survival of the system. The system will be FORCED to use every practical means of controlling human behavior. — Theodore Kaczynski

Is Complacency in Your Resume?

This was in my e-mail. After reading a few sentences, I knew it met the: 'if it seems too good to be true' criteria. But, the person who forwarded it did not provide a wink and nod. So I wondered, to myself (and now here) how many of the foolish-American-masses actually think/thought it was legitimate?

It's obviously a ploy to get you to send identifying and banking information; but even if one failed to note the Nigerian fingerprints (or whomever it is this month) doesn't the "position" they are "seeking to fill" scream—like the unabomber at his brother—shady criminal enterprise?

I was especially tickled by their stated need for complaisant (sic) people; maybe their spell-check got tangled in their thesaurus—the first doesn't work and the second works too well. The list of character traits at the end made me giggle: even letter-bomb/drug/weapon re-packagers need them some mad people skillz.

This is the complete unaltered ad, except I redacted the g-mail address at the end.

Job Title: Package Handlers
Company: FiftyOne
Job Location: United States
Employee Type: Part-Time/Home-Based
Req'd Education: Not Specified
Req'd Experience: Not Specified
Base Pay: probation period: $1,000/month
Bonus: $20 for each package

Hi. We are "FiftyOne", a transport company that looking for employees. Yes, we need you.

In the first place let us introduce. Our company is providing global e-commerce solutions for existing e-commerce sites. Our company is the unique third-party-managed service that effective connects U.S. brands with international buyers.

International shoppers finally feel welcomed, and buy with the same confidence and certainty they would if the merchant were across town.

While ecommerce growth in the U.S. is leveling off and merchants now compete fiercely for share of wallet, the overseas market is growing dramatically, offering an untapped opportunity for expansion and new revenue. "FiftyOne" makes a window... or even a gateway (like a "Stargate") to that huge market.

Because our business is growing, freights turnover increases along with profits, we need new employees right now! Now that is your chance to set career at rapidly evolving company.

Available vacancies are Package Handlers. Main point of that work is receiving package, repacking it and send it further according to our instructions. That's not a hard work, but we need reliable, complaisant people dependable and stable as a rock.

You will receive 5-7 packages per week.
And you’re need only 2 or 3 vacant hours per day for this work.
You’ll be able to form your own work schedule and receive additional income for your family!

This position requires someone with:
- well developed analytical, communication, and interpersonal skills
- strong operational background and knowledge
- exceptional people skills
- problem solving skills
- top notch communication and writing skills
- drive to be the best

If you are interested, please reply to XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX.

...human nature has in the past put certain limits on the development of societies. People could be pushed only so far and no further. But today this may be changing, because modern technology is developing ways of modifying human beings. — Theodore "Ted" Kaczynski (aka The Unabomber)

when down is up and up is fucked

It is 108º F (42º C) in Portland today—with a humidity level of about 25%. Phoenix, Arizona and Death Valley Junction, California, are maybe a degree hotter (but their humidity levels are 10-15% lower...oh yea, and they have air-conditioning).

The taste for worst-case scenarios reflects the need to master fear of what is felt to be uncontrollable. It also expresses an imaginative complicity with disaster. — Susan Sontag

definitely no jargonistic surjection

Contemporary art, no matter how much it has defined itself by a taste for negation, can still be analyzed as a set of assertions of a formal kind. — Susan Sontag

Fumkin Parts

Kinda drunk in a relatively terrible local brew pub in the city of Newport (yea every city in the entire state has port jammed into it somehow, even Eugeneport). I'm stumble-wondering how the idea of hazelnut beer and hazelnut rum could have sounded attractive, and stumble-deciding on the silver lining: at least I (now) know two things that should never be flavored with hazelnut.

The back hallway has two doors.

-Hops- -Barleys- no other symbols. Which is which? My mind strains. I imagine other drinking establishments (Skippers, Mermaids) and languages (Damen, Herren) but nothing clicks except that the word 'men' is shorter than the word 'women'; that couldn't be it, could it? What-the-fuck were they thinking? A waitress says, in a 187th-time-today tone: you're hops.

Inside, I dry my hands on paper towels from a jack-in-the-box-crank dispenser. Haven't seen one of these in a decade or three.

Two days later—after a wonderful bakery-lunch in Corvallisport—I enter the back hallway and recognize the two bathrooms are marked only with: restroom. I assume this restaurant has chosen to go the unisex/first-available route.

I join a small line and quickly learn there's a hitch in the giddy-up.

One of the doors has an apologetic sign reserving it only for Barleys. (And later, after comparing notes with my paramour, I learn they're both identical inside: one toilet, one sink, nothing else.) Women can use either. Men can only use one.

I can only come up with one reason for this: The women who run this establishment don't want to get man-cooties but believe it's OK for men to get women-cooties - or - think women don't have cooties. I suspect these assumptions are specious, so I'm open for alternatives (because I vividly remember learning at recess that women have cooties and men can get them).


On a more artistic note, this is a wonderful camera mistake. The design is perfectly weighted. The visual movement is dynamic. And it hardly matters that the person standing on a country roadside, twirling a pizza-company placard (miles from any business, let alone that pizza place) was not properly snapshotted.

Photographs alter and enlarge our notions of what is worth looking at and what we have a right to observe. — Susan Sontag

Color Comments on the British Open

          I was highly entertained by Peter Alliss's comments over the last two days of golf-watching. (I know, I know; but it's guilty pleasure #38.)

          Normally a BBC commentator, this past weekend he did some guest commenting, at the British Open, for TNT.

          Who won or lost is unimportant (to me, at least) but these comments of Mr Alliss were golden:

          (In response to another commentator's statement that Peter, 'didn't really understand the situation because he was English, not Scottish'): Hey...I could have gone the whole way, could have changed and had the operation and everything — I just chose not to.

          (Abstrusely pointing out a terrible second-hole score): Four nine three four four three . . . hunh — that used to be my telephone number.

          (A conversation with a US commentator who'd been referring to a player that twitters, then asked Peter, 'You were twittering earlier, too, right?'): I don't twitter — we've only recently just got gas at my house.
To which the US commenter replied, with a chortle: Natural gas?
Peter's retort was a dry: Don't be silly — lamps!

          (Referencing a logo-type design on the sleeve of a young Japanese player): I wish I knew what that said, on his shoulder. David Beckham has tattoos there — but . . . apparently . . . he's satisfied with it . . . there, on the material.

The Criminal Investigator's #1 Rule of Thumb

          If I were to impart one thing about detecting—from my years as a criminal investigator—it is this:   there's always one thing, which proves or disproves a persons guilt or innocence.  And, that one thing needs to always be the lens with which the rest of the investigation is examined through.

          This is not to infer that an investigator doesn't have to collect every item of evidence, interview every possible witness, and always remain impartial.  But, I recall what happened when investigators (and lawyers, and judges) failed to keep the investigation (court proceedings, trial) focused through that one thing; the result was almost always the same: guilty people were not held accountable for their crimes.

          Bad people go free when they (or their lawyers) cause law enforcement to lose focus on the one thing.

          When I explained this #1 Rule of Thumb to my subordinates, I referred to it as the Bloody Socks Rule.  I contend that the OJ Simpson trial would have resulted in a conviction if the prosecution spent a few days showing the jurors what the crime scene looked like and then explained about the socks collected from the floor of OJ's bedroom—which had the blood of OJ, Nicole, and Goldman on them—and then said, "the prosecution rests your honor."   Forget about the Bruno Magli shoes, Kato Kaelin, Mark Furman, and the bloody gloves; the one thing is the socks with three peoples blood on them.

          Any case can be fogged by the "what about..." and "explain the..." but as long as the one thing is kept in the forefront—bad people are caught and put in prison.

          The assassination of President Kennedy is a famous example of an investigation that has been so incredibly inundated in evidence and investigation and re-investigation, that most people believe there was a conspiracy (by some large government organization).

          I know there was no conspiracy.  Lee Harvey Oswald acted alone.  Jack Ruby acted alone.   The reason I know is because of two one thing's (one for Oswald and one for Ruby).

          Oswald moved (back) to Dallas Texas in October of 1963 and got a job at the Texas Book Depository.  Over six weeks later (mid-November) the "parade route" of the President's motorcade was published in the Dallas Newspaper, showing it would pass in front of the Book Depository.  Oswald arrived at work the morning of 22 November 1963 with a long item wrapped in newspaper; he told co-workers it was curtain rods.  [Although it's a second thing it is helpful to also know about Oswald's mindset:  that (according to his wife) he tried to assassinate Retired General Edwin Walker with the same rifle in April 1963.   The bullet hit a window frame; fragments injured Walker in the arm.]

          This is Oswald's one thing because when he got the job at the Depository, the route was not yet decided by the Secret Service.

          Ruby always carried a pistol and was a "cop groupie" (cops drank at his strip club for free; Ruby frequently hung around the police station).  The morning of Sunday, 24 November 1963, Ruby got a phone call from one of his employees, asking him to wire her $25.   He took his favorite dog, Sheba, and wired the money a little after 11am.  Then, leaving Sheba in his car, Ruby walked a block to the police station, arriving about four minutes before Oswald was escorted out.

          This is Ruby's one thing.  His timing and the presence of Sheba shows that he was acting on impulse.

          UPDATE:  It was brought to my attention that my 'one thing' rule may apply in the case of the JFK assassination by Oswald, but that it does not work for the subsequent murder of Oswald by Ruby because he provided the above story to explain that he had acted on impulse.  So, I did more reading.

 

          I discovered it's probable Oswald shot his rifle several times but only hit JFK once in the back of the neck.  Then, a Secret Service Agent, riding in the chase vehicle (while trying to turn and point a rifle at the book depository) accidentally shot JFK in the back of the head.  This explains all the cover-ups.

 

          The entire Secret Service chain-of-command acted, coerced, and then helped Ruby (who was terminally ill).  They stopped the Dallas autopsy and later removed all of their own bullet fragments.  These details may have been disclosed to one or more members of the Warren Commission, although - as of 2017 - "almost all" of the Warren Commission Report has been "approved for public release" and none of this is in official documents.

 

          I can understand why senior members of a government might want to classify the ironic but chilling fact surrounding the idea that the 'Secret Service accidentally shot the person they were supposed to protect and then covered up that mistake by having Oswald murdered.'  How far up would that level of a cover-up needed to go?  And - would uncovering that cover-up cause more problems than it would solve?  There's a huge philosophical thought experiment open for discussion!

Most people in this society who aren't actively mad are, at best, reformed or potential lunatics. — Susan Sontag

A lap dance is so much better when the stripper is cryin

Heard this terrible-funny Bloodhound Gang song for the first time at Karaoke.

I'd already had four and a half shots of Jaegermeister, and I chuckled gargantuanly-huge, I-shouldn't-be-laughin-so-hard, guffaws of glee.

The lyrics:

I was lonelier than Kunta Kinte at a Merle Haggard concert that night I strolled on into Uncle Limpy's Hump Palace lookin for love. It had been a while. In fact, three hundred and sixty-five had come and went since that midnight run haulin hog to Shakey town on I-10. I had picked up this hitchhiker that was sweatin gallons through a pair of Daisy Duke cut-offs and one of those Fruit Of The Loom tank-tops. Well, that night I lost myself to ruby red lips, milky white skin and baby blue eyes. Name was Russell.

Yes a lap dance is so much better when the stripper is cryin
Yes a lap dance is so much better when the stripper is cryin
Well I find it's quite a thrill
When she grinds me against her will
Yes a lap dance is so much better when the stripper is cryin

Well, faster than you can say "shallow grave" this pretty little thing come up to me and starts kneadin my balls like hard-boiled eggs in a tube sock. Said her name was Bambi and I said, "Well that's a coincidence darlin, cause I was just thinkin about skinnin you like a deer." Well she smiled, had about as much teeth as a Jack-O-Lantern, and I went on to tell her how I would wear her face like a mask as I do my little kooky dance. And then she told me to shush. I guess she could sense my desperation. Course, it's hard to hide a hard-on when you're dressed like Minnie Pearl.

(chorus)

So, Bambi's goin on about how she can make all my fantasies come true. So I says, "Even this one I have where Jesus Christ is jack-hammerin Mickey Mouse in the doo-doo hole with a lawn dart as Garth Brooks gives birth to somethin resembling a cheddar cheese log with almonds on Santa Claus's tummy-tum?" Well, ten beers, twenty minutes and thirty dollars later I'm parkin the beef bus in tuna town if you know what I mean. Got to nail her back at her trailer. Heh. That rhymes. I have to admit it was even more of a turn-on when I found out she was doin me to buy baby formula.

(chorus)

Day or so had passed when I popped the clutch, gave the tranny a spin and slid on into The Stinky Pinky Gulp N Guzzle Big Rig Snooze-A-Stop. There I was browsin through the latest issue of Throb, when I saw Bambi starin at me from the back of a milk carton. Well, my heart just dropped. So, I decided to do what any good Christian would. You can not imagine how difficult it is to hold a half gallon of moo juice and polish the one-eyed gopher when your doin seventy-five in an eighteen-wheeler. I never thought missing children could be so sexy. Did I say that out loud?

(chorus)

Somewhere in America

The Griffin Family lives in Rhode Island.

South Park is a city in Colorado.

The Simpsons reside in the ubiquitous city of Springfield, in an unknown state (31 states have a city named Springfield).

The Hills live in Texas (for a few more months until their time-slot is taken over by The Griffin's Neighbors. But they could be back; Family Guy has been canceled twice).

Americana is what is depicted.

All of these series let us peek at American crazy-vulgarity, foolishness, idiocy, and teach us how to behave (sometimes by showing us how not to).

The television network FOX (the largest "news" network . . . solely responsible for the new requirement to use quotations around the word news) produces three of the animated series.

South Park is produced by the Cartoon Network.

ABC decided not to pick up King of the Hill after it was canceled.

I don't find it strange that these television programs have lasted for as long as they have. They have quality; script quality. The writing is topical and usually fresh.

I fault some of Family Guy's humor. But just because I don't laugh at one of the types of gags they use, which I refer to as kicking the dead and buried skeleton of a horse (and if you have ever watched an episode, you know what I mean) doesn't mean I don't think much of the (rest of the) writing is funny.

My favorite characters are everyone else's favorites.

There are episodes that stick with me.

I didn't know what the Mormon Church based it's doctrine on — until Stan Marsh told me.

I'm as lazy as Homer (and share his love of doughnuts and beer).

Stewie is guaranteed to make me chuckle and cringe simultaneously.

I'm a liberal-democrat Hank Hill.

How things really are — and always will be — is neither all-evil nor all-good but deficient, inconsistent, inferior. — Susan Sontag

extreme adjective noun

I intend to do everything ... to have one way of evaluating experience: does it cause me pleasure or pain — and I shall be very cautious about rejecting the painful — I shall anticipate pleasure everywhere (and find it, too) for it is everywhere! I shall involve myself wholly ... everything matters! — Susan Sontag

Word To Your Mother

My latest telephone call with ma mère resulted in a notable exchange. It began by me trying to clarify my half-sister Kim's most recent reunion desires:

Me: Well Kim's just trying to herd the family together at holiday-family-time. She's done it in the past and she'll do it in the future. This coming winter she'll have a teenage exchange student in her house and I think she's also interested in us all meeting her.

Her: But she doesn't seem to understand people's situations. My situation. I certainly can't afford it, and my brother is in no health to...

Me: Mom...It's just Kim—your daughter—being who she is. There's no reason to get all bent out of shape...

[Bent out of shape? When was the last time I used that phrase? 1987? How and why—when talking to my mother—do words that have been in long-term storage find their way to my tongue?]

...just because she wants to get her husband, and her husbands family, and you, and me, and your brother, and his family...all of us...all seated around a table for the first time in, er decades—that's no reason to get upset with her.

[when I said er I was thinking... we have never all been around a table. We have never been in a room together. We have never even occupied the same state of the union at one time. And I almost said: 'ever'. I suspect my 70-year-old Mom has never realized that fact. It caused me to add this ramble-rant...after she said:]

Her: I still don't think she gets it. She thinks that her jobs, and husband, and all the things that fill her days are so much more important than the things that I do. My days are full! The things and people in my life are just as important. She does not appreciate any of that. She thinks I can just drop what I'm doing and drive out there.

Me: But I think you are overlooking something. What I think she doesn't appreciate is that we—as a family—do not have what it takes, genetically, to get together. It's both genetic and environmental; but mostly it's genetic: Papa's (my grandfather) mother and father sent him to boarding school and he sent his son (my uncle) to boarding school. To send your child away—to be raised by others—requires an un-attach-ability that most parents don't have. Your grandmother passed it to your father. And, it's clear to me—that you passed it along to your children. Definitely to me. And, just look at Nanett. When was it? How long ago was it?

Her: Ahhmm mid 90's, maybe a dozen years ago?

[In 1995 my sister, Nanett, sued my mother and Kim (the executrix of the estate) because my deceased step-father (whom my mother divorced 6 months before he died) left my mother as sole beneficiary on a 401K...the money was given to my Mom, and Nanett wanted it. Three years of contentious court proceedings resulted in a 'win' for Nanett. Most of the money went to lawyers and court costs. As one would expect, it drove a wedge.]

Me: Mom, I have not exchanged a word with Nanett since then. Fourteen years, and I don't miss her. She and I never really got along, and I—clearly—remember how she was: When I visited, and we'd go out, it would always be: Oh hey, I forgot to cash a check like I intended to this week. Could you get this and I'll get you back next time? Only the next time it would be, I just spent all our money on the new carpeting, do you mind paying for this?
And then she would seem to always need 'a loan' or would ask if I could, 'spare a hundred bucks so she could fix something...like her car' always with the I-wouldn't-ask-but's attached. She divorced us, and I like being divorced from her. And I, obviously, have the genetic un-attach-ability gene because of Bram and Ian. I'm pretty sure I passed it along to them, too.

[Bram (born 1982) and Ian (born 1984) are my sons. I exchanged fluids with their mother for 16 months of the four year time-frame, that exists between the dates on the marriage and divorce certificates that bear our names. She remarried. He adopted. I signed an agreement to not interfere. When Bram and Ian each turned 18 I attempted contact and have made feeble attempts a few times since. Their messages are always clear: we don't want to know you.]

So, the way I see it, we prefer not to associate with our own family members because we genetically have the un-attach-ability gene, which has the lovely side-effect of causing a environment where we never witness our own extended family members relating to each other in any way, and that results in absolutely no extended-family memories to come into existence.

[It's not like I don't know what people without the un-attach-ability gene behave like: I have a friend who tells stories about his Italian-American family that always make me laugh. They fight and hurt each other (both physically and emotionally) every time they get together—and they get together all the time. They absolutely don't have the un-attach-ability gene...but I think one of them is going to eventually get killed because of it. Also, I recall accompanying a college friend to his home, in upstate Wisconsin, occasionally. He had an extended family that cared about each other, and—in his family—each member was honestly concerned about the well-being of each of the other members.]

Her: I don't know if it's genetic, Veach, it's just that Kim doesn't understand.

Me: She can't understand, Mom. She didn't get the un-attach-ability gene. Her Dad's family all liked to get together and reminisce...all the cousins and the brothers. They had family reunions! Don't you remember? If his family had been more cautious and healthier (they're almost all dead of accidents and diseases) Kim would be able to have get-together's with that half of her gene-pool.

I took a trip to see the beautiful things. Change of scenery. Change of heart. . .And they're still there. . .but they won't be there for long. . .that's why I went. To say goodbye. Whenever I travel, it's always to say goodbye. — Susan Sontag (I, etcetera, 1978)

A family's photograph album is generally about the extended family and, often, is all that remains of it. — Susan Sontag

The Hurt Locker

An exceptionally well told character-based story about a small unit of Explosive Ordinance Disposal (EOD) soldiers in Iraq. The characters are surprisingly solid, the dialogue is perfect, the setting is beyond better-than-believable. There are several emotional high points as well as suspense, tension, and truth.

For me, the best thing about it is: a film-maker has successfully handled this chilling war story, while the war is on-going. Where others have tried and failed (Stop-loss, Redacted, etc) this one succeeds.

Much of modern art is devoted to lowering the threshold of what is terrible. By getting us used to what, formerly, we could not bear to see or hear, because it was too shocking, painful, or embarrassing; art changes morals. — Susan Sontag

fip

Everyone who is born holds dual citizenship; in the kingdom of the well and in the kingdom of the sick. Although we all prefer to use only the good passport, sooner or later each of us is obliged, at least for a spell, to identify ourselves as citizens of that other place. — Susan Sontag

Analogy, Metaphor, or Simile?

          Almost twenty years ago, the leader of Texas—who referred to himself as Chief President-General of the Lone Star Nation—ordered his troops to attack Oklahoma.  At the time, he said the, '...little finger of land just never looked right up there.'  And, he claimed, it had always been part of Texas.

          It took the combined forces of California, New York, and Canada to force the Texan Militia back inside its borders (Oklahoma helped with money, but it never had much of a military).  Six years ago, the Californian President decided to return to Texas and conquer it.  Although the stated reasons were mostly propaganda-lies, the real reasons were to depose the Texas President-General (who was still acting very dictatorially villainous in the eyes of the California media), to gain access to Texas natural resources (which Californians were in need of), and to impose a democratic Texas government (that would be more user-friendly to Californians).  The war lasted several years.  Although almost two hundred thousand Texan-Christian soldiers and civilians were killed by Californians, only about five thousand Californian-non-theists soldiers were killed by Texans.

          As soon as the Chief President General was executed, California's government and military began to take steps to build a veneer of democratic government around the existing Texan-Christian system.   It was a very formidable goal.   The next Texan problem the Californian military had to contend with were the violent battles between Texan Catholics, Baptists, and Presbyterians—each attempting to insure the “new democratic Texas” was governed by their beliefs.   Thousands of Catholics were killed by Baptists (the majority of Texans are Baptist) and many more thousands of Baptists were killed by Catholics (some Presbyterians were killed but, mostly—as the obvious minority—they kept out of the way).  The new Texas Constitution proclaims that Texas will make no laws that conflict with the New Testament Bible and proclaims Christianity as the sole source of Texan governance (without delineating between Baptists, Catholics, and Presbyterians).  It includes a paragraph that allows the people of Texas to practice any religion they desire (within a small list...non-theism made the list...probably at California's insistence).   Now, over 130,000 Californian-non-theist soldiers patrol and guard different Texas cities and California-Military-built-strongholds.  The President of California has stated their continued presence is (among other things) to, '...prevent Texas-Christians from killing each other...,' but most of the world knows it is to ensure Texans continue to sell oil to Californians at the price Californians want to pay.

          A small number of Californians continue to be killed every week.  It appears most of the deaths—now—are being committed by Alabamian, Missourian, and Arizonan Christians, (even a Michigan Christian or two has made the trip).  There is a fundamental Christian ground-swell—throughout many of the world's Christian members (but mainly from the formerly united nation-states) to, “go to Texas and kill some non-theists.”  In some instances, the militant terrorists have little-or-no religious motivation, but are merely taking advantage of an opportunity to “eradicate meddling Californians.”  Every day, the Texas borders between Mexico, New Mexico, Louisiana and Arkansas are crossed by citizens of the world who have been recruited by (what Dallas-based FOX News has termed) "staunch and staid Christian leaders" to blow up, snipe, or ambush Californian soldiers.  In the words of one West Virginian Catholic priest, “...removing the infidels and heathens from the blessed Christian land of Texas is a saintly calling...there's no sin in the act of killing non-theists because they have no soul...”.

          Although Californian soldiers in Texas have much less to worry about from the (now, mostly, un-armed) Texans, many Texans still provide food, shelter, and assistance to foreign-Christian mercenaries who are surging into Texas to (in their words) 'get some payback and legally hunt Californians.'  A Kentucky Methodist who blew up a convoy of Californians last month, said to reporters (after returning to Paducah): “You jus can’t get the same adrenaline rush playin Grand Theft Auto, now can ya?  This is my generation’s callin—know whut I mean?  An when I get the chance to do The Lord’s work, even though it don’t pay as well as workin ov-to the WalMart, I...well...guess my reward was sendin some-a dose damn non-believers straight to hell without passin go!  I'm on Jesus's team, that’s what!  Dan-il Boone went to Texas to protect the Alamo...an I’m just fallin-in his footsteps.”

The aim of all commentary on art now should be to make works of art—and, by analogy, our own experience—more, rather than less, real to us.  The function of criticism should be to show how it is what it is, even that it is what it is, rather than to show what it means. — Susan Sontag (author, philosopher and activist, 1933–2004)

Look, No Training Wheels!

Today, I Took Powell Pow took me on his first hike.

Because this was his first "training hike" my plan was to carry him in his pack until I was on a pedestrian trail, let him out, and then slowly stroll behind him as he explored for a half hour or so (ready to grab him when any hikers—especially hikers with dogs—appeared).

This was to be just a familiarization tour. "See, this is what the forest looks and smells and sounds like." "No, don't crawl into those brambles" "I'm walking on the path, come walk with me." (only with no dialogue; just clicks, come-here's, and good-boy's.)

Preparation: Beach towel in the bottom of the pack; zip-pockets with a bottle of water, 20cc syringe, small container of kibble, day-glo orange kitty collar, and training "clicker".

1/10th of the mile into the forest (still on the fire road) and Pow is pushing at the pack's zipper. I let him out and, immediately, we are hiking. Full walk. Striding out.

He never leaves the trail and consistently stays ahead. Five minutes into the hike, a couple approaches ahead of us. Pow stops, turns and comes back to me. I pick him up. The couple and I talk (Pow doesn't try to get down) when I continue to hike, he struggles to get down and...back to hiking.

First pedestrian trail on the right—he heads down it like it was the only destination. I follow. For the next .5 mile he keeps ahead of me most of the way. At the bottom, he stops and I can tell from his ears and posture that he hears something ahead. I pick him up; 20 seconds later a jogger comes around the bend and passes us.

For the next .25 mile, he's a bit underfoot and reluctant to dash ahead. He also meows some, so I pick him up and carry him (until he indicates he wants down).

On two occasions, he raises his hackles; I pick him up and listen. Nothing. (I assume these reactions are to sounds and/or smells unavailable to my miserable excuse for ears and nostrils.)

We take a break. Beach towel unfurled, drink water, and rest for ten minutes. He never leaves the towel.

At the 1.25 mile point, Pow is slowing (me too). The terrain, which up to now was downhill or flat, is now a gradual uphill climb along a ridge-line. He's no longer dashing ahead much, instead he sticks with me or follows 5-feet behind. We take another break at the 1.75 mile mark and Pow naps under my arm for about 15 minutes.

We explore the woods a little, then back to the trail. I can see he's tired—I zip him in the backpack for the last few 10ths of a mile.

I hiked 2.25 miles; Pow probably hiked 1.75 miles.

I am amazed by his stamina, ability, and natural stick-to-the-path-edness, which I can't say I've witnessed before. It took me 10+ hours to train my last cat to hike and there were still some days when we'd hike for 0.5 mile and he'd crawl under a shady log 'fuckit, nap-time' and others when he'd head into dense brush 'Path? Silly human. I prefer this direction, follow me."

Color me giddy-up glorious purple as pleased plum pudding (with tired feet).

I feel that I have it in my soul to become one of the great artists of the age and that future historians will remember me not for what I have done for Germany, but for my art. — Adolf Hitler (unimaginative and dull painter; gifted with the ability to be horribly wrong about almost every thought that entered his head).

Dew Drops Too

The earth’s atmosphere is a (relatively) closed system, which has trapped water on the planet since the earth formed about 4.5 billion years ago or after comets crash-brought it here billions of years ago (or both...there are theories).

Nonetheless...

There are about 326 million trillion gallons of water on earth. The same 326 with eighteen zeros gallons that has been here (relatively) forever.

The water cycle which began billions of years ago and has been going on (relatively) forever is: evaporation/transpiration → condensation → precipitation → collection → evaporation (ad infinitum).

Animal life began over ½ billion (500 million+) years ago.

Dinosaurs roamed the earth for over 160 million years.

Humans have been here for (maybe, about) a few hundred thousand years.

The average human consumes over 12,000 gallons of water in his or her lifetime.

The human body is 65% water.

Every living being that ever lived—fish, animal, insect, dinosaur, human, neanderthal (you get the picture)—drank its full lifetimes worth of water.

Many tens of thousands of those species were very much larger than your average human.
There have been an uncountable trillion of zillions of living beings drinking from that 326 with 18 zeros gallons, for the past hundreds of millions of years.

Therefore...

Every drop of liquid we drink has already been drunk many times over.

So...

The cleanest drop of distilled arctic glacier water on the planet today...was slurped out of a bog by a hypsilophodont → who pissed it into a stream → where it evaporated and eventually rained out of a cloud → and was cycled through a few dozen other crawling and swimming and flying things → before eventually getting trapped in an arctic snowstorm a few thousand years ago.

I’m sure you've heard the phrase: "we're all be made of stardust"; but more to the point, we are definitely all made of piss.

Drink up.

I have never used the word 'Blitzkrieg', because it is a very silly word. — Adolf Hitler

Healthy Hike

Today we hiked in Forest Park along the Leif Erickson Trail, which is an eleven mile, one-lane, dirt & gravel road (off-limits to motorized vehicles) located within Portland's city limits.

As we were walking through the forest (being passed by the occasional jogger and bicyclist) I recalled a recent conversation with a friend. Our conversation touched on health issues and she commented that she thought I was real healthy. My response was more about the semantics of the word 'healthy' than anything. In a way, I must have sounded like I was claiming poor health.

She is my age (50) and her husband is no more than seven years older. He just had both hips replaced. She told me about the procedure and about his quick recovery as well as the total cost (US$180,000.00). This surgery is the latest in a long list of diseases, disorders, and down-right bizarre conditions that my friend and her husband have been diagnosed with over the past dozen years. They each take an amazing regimen of pharmaceuticals (12-20+ pills a day), and although I don't know all the diagnosed diseases—Lupus, MS, and hemochromatosis (too much iron in the blood) are three I do recall.

When I think about the odds of a single person having five to seven serious, debilitating, medical ailments...all which require drug treatment and/or surgery, I think someone is being less than honest with someone else. Either I am being lied to by my friend, or doctors are duping her and her husband.

In regards to my ''good health", I explained my hatred of the medical system and, specifically, my distrust of doctors—and that her impression was based on a non-existent 'clean bill of health'. I told her that I could be extremely unhealthy, but because I never go to doctors (nor do I comment about my health) it was not something anyone would know about until I was dead.

As explanation, I told her about my self-treatments for a broken foot (2004) and rib (2007); I didn't tell her about my other "symptoms of aging". I will—undoubtedly—die of something, someday (and it may be sooner rather than later...that is, if any of us live beyond 2012). My future heart attack or stroke or tumor may even have been postpone-able or patch-able or even curable...but (alas) won't have been, because I won't have seen a doctor about its symptoms.

Each year I hear about the complaints, and treatments, for more and more serious medical problems from my friend (I suspect they have paid for many a yacht and Maserati for many an MD). I rarely talk about my health, but, I may not be healthier.

Man has a gift for seizing hold of what is beautiful. And what inexhaustible riches the world contains for the man who knows how to enjoy his senses! Moreover, nature has given man the desire to make others share in the joys he feels. The beautiful always claims its right to primacy. — Adolf Hitler

June Solstice

Today is the June Solstice (1st Day of Summer in the Northern Hemisphere and 1st Day of Winter in the Southern Hemisphere) and the longest/shortest day of the year. In Portland, today, the sunrise was just about 5am and the sunset was about 9:30pm. The temperatures, for our 1st day of Summer were wonderful (high of 77F low of 54F) with partly cloudy skies, intermittent showers, and a slight breeze. A good day to be a Portlander, no matter how liberal that means you are.

...burn out all the recent immoral developments...burn out the poison of immorality which has entered into our whole life and culture as a result of past liberal excesses. — Adolf Hitler (in a speech proclaiming his staunch conservative christian beliefs)

etch-essomenic

If degenerate artists see fields blue, they are deranged, and should go to an asylum; if they only pretend to see them blue, they are criminals, and should go to prison. — Adolf Hitler

Curiouser and Curiouser

Powell, 4 months

I am providing this to avoid being cited by feline-failure-to-post-a-feckin-foto enforcement officials.

More importantly (and to insure you don't think this has become one of those) I pose this rhetorical observation:

Because I do not happen to own a book of Hitler's writings or quotes, I used a small strand of the web to find some of what he said or wrote. This month, I decided, would be Adolf's month not only because I wanted to know what the web would reference for a notoriously bad guy (and since he was prolific and outspoken, I chose him) but, mostly, because I thought that evil people probably say the darnedest things.

Before I could get to that strand of the web, I let the google do its thing. But, it declined.

Normally, I would type a few letters and it would give me ten options and I'd scroll-click. Not this time. All the way to 'a.d.o.l.f. .h.i.t.l.e' . . . and not listed as a suggestion. I found the lack of his name in the suggestion drop-down rather baffling.

It is there now. Obviously. As soon as I type 'a.d', but that's because I'm treading trodden ground.

The first time around though, the google didn't want me to learn about the bad man. It caused me to mutter, 'Open the door Hal'.

That was my first curious hmmm. My second hmmmm (a bit longer) came as I scanned the things he is attributed with saying. I try to make some association with the topic of my post in the quote. Not always. And the quote I choose does not always have a connection that's readily apparent to others, but I try. Not so easy with this extremely insane Austrian.

Every quote engine has the same few dozen (or less) quotes. Almost all of them paint a very bleak picture. To scan his quotes is to see he was a bigoted dullard. A manipulative, fucktard. Not very imaginative. Not very well spoken.

The weak offerings from the quote engines may be sufficient for someone writing a 3-page paper for World History Class, but it only makes me want to know where the real writings are; because it's too much like the google declining to help me.

A lengthy search did uncover some translations of his writings; I still haven't found any direct quotes about pets, or his dogs, or animals in general. So, this will suffice.

A meeting between two beings who complete one another, who are made for each other, borders already, in my opinion, on a miracle. — Adolf Hitler

New Cat

Decided it was time (the 14 months without a cat was fine, but it was time), so I looked for a month or so and finally found and brought home a 3 to 4-month-old kitten from a shelter.

He's mostly white with black splashes. Some of the black spitter-splashed in a smattering of small speckles...so he has almost a Dalmatian-thing going in coloration (but not in shedding). Although he is a domestic shorthair, his coat is extremely short and slick—like a seal's—and there's a sizable dollop of Abyssinian in his not-too-distant ancestry, so he has large ears and a small, pointy head (which lends him a Spuds Mckenzie-thing in the looks department).

I've named him Powell. I call him Pow.

He has been living here for five days and has demonstrated:

• Fetching. Throw a wad of paper, it's returned in short order to be re-thrown.
• He easily drinks from a syringe placed in the corner of this mouth. This is essential to taking cats hiking in the wild...so I can decide when and how much he needs to re-hydrate. It also makes administering liquid medications simple.
• He sleeps near my shoulder or curled under an arm (it is important to me that he enjoys human proximity). Also, a plus because our other cat, Aggie, prefers the between-our-legs spot.
• Allows the clipping of nails, the administering of earmiticide, and immersion in water without display of anger or fear (not that he loved a bath, just that he tolerated it).
• Socializes wonderfully with other cats (ours and a couple of locals who visit routinely).
• Rides in a car (in and out of a carrier) with no problems or complaint.
• Not overly boisterous. He has a diminutive vocal range, and seems to use quiet vocalizations rather than loud or incessant ones.
• Will drink out of a plastic water bottle cap held in my hand (valuable for when he's thirsty and a larger receptacle is not available).
• Doesn't extend his claws or forcibly bite when engaging in pseudo-aggressive play behavior.
• Follows me when I walk ahead (for 200+ feet). This was done only in a controlled setting, but it looks promising that he may be able, and willing, to hike with me when he gets older.
• Still working on: 'No', 'Come here' and his name as a 'pay attention to me' signal. Need to test his ability to ride in a cat-backpack. Need to locate an 'open' area (visually) to train him to hike. Establish wearing a collar = going hiking.
  

Films - Early Summer

UP - Pixar continues to generate greatness. It will make you cry and laugh; for adults who like an intelligent story behind their animation.

The HANGOVER - You will explode with laughter every ten minutes; not really the film the trailer paints it to be.

AWAY WE GO - A couple in love, who stay in love all the way through the film; more about all the "crazy other people" (in the world)...since I generally hate people in general, this film played to that part of me.

STAR TREK (2009) - A superbly scripted and produced story. Action SF at its best.

Beatbox by Daichi

True genius is always inborn and never cultivated, let alone learned. — Adolf Hitler, Mien Kampf

Think about Thinking (Just This One Time)

When was the last time you thought for yourself?

It is a simple question.

Immediately, one wants to—jumps to, knee-jerks to—say: I always think for myself. Because the obverse is to admit to being a proud member of the follower-masses. But. Think about it. Think about thinking.

How do you pick a film, listen to a song, or buy an outfit? Do you purchase anything—from the smooth creaminess spread on your soft-crusty-whole-grain-goodness, to the quantity of dots per inch on this screen—without first seeking advice, doing research and comparing your need-desire with your budget?

No?

Are you thinking for yourself—then—or are you asking for and allowing marketing specialists (formal and informal) to be your umpires?

When a new slice of information hits your eardrum and lodges into your neurons—do you allow that snip of data to stand? Do you question it? Do you seek out the actual facts, or do you accept what ‘someone says was said’?

Are you a critical thinker or have you chosen an information provider, which shapes and spices the data it provides so that it informs your mental palate in a manner that does not upset your subjectively slanted sensibilities?

Or... are you open and objective?

The 1st Amendment to the US Constitution, which prevents the government from limiting religion, free-speech or the press, is a double-edged sword. While it allows me to say (here, for example) whatever I want, it also permits Rupert Murdock to broadcast any fiction, on all of his news outlets—from print, to TV, to the internet. I may get read by two or three. He will be BELIEVED by millions.

Are you a tool? Are you one of Murdock’s millions?

I am not saying that FOX News should not be watched, nor that the New York Post or Wall Street Journal or The Times should not be read, nor that American Idol or hulu should not be viewed, nor that MySpace should not be used (all owned by Murdock) what I am saying is—be a critical thinker. And. Stop. Listening. To. Talking. Heads. They. Are. Only. Making. You. Bleat.

baaa.

[For more on Murdock: his picture above, and the title of this post, are informative links.]

All propaganda has to be popular and has to accommodate itself to the comprehension of the least intelligent of those whom it seeks to reach. — Adolf Hitler

Fetching Summer

Learn from the mistakes of others. You can’t live long enough to make them all yourself. — Eleanor Roosevelt

Never Ending Sun

Surely, in the light of history, it is more intelligent to hope rather than to fear, to try rather than not to try. For one thing we know beyond all doubt: Nothing has ever been achieved by the person who says, `It can't be done.' — Eleanor Roosevelt, You Learn By Living (1960)