Happy New Year Mr Glines! I'm a long time reader, first time caller...erm...commenter who's hoping to get some long term broad-stroke life advice.
I have yet to decide what to do after I graduate. Everyone I don't hate has told me to 'find something I enjoy' but they've not made suggestions. It may seem like they want me to decide for myself, but I've already seen what most've done to others (or said about them) when they were trying to find things out for themselves and then failed. I can't promise I'll follow your advice, but I definitely will consider it.
Seriously,
Andrea
Andrea,
Let me begin by explaining everyone-you-don't-hate's rationale. E-y-d-h is only familiar with the meandering route their path took them to get where they are today. If they dislike where they are (or how they got there) they may be unwilling to offer advice—even of the broad-stroke kind—in fear that you might repeat their mistakes. Just because e-y-d-h appears to be (or says they are) happy, does not mean they are or were. Accomplishing a steady-state of being happy should be everyone's ultimate goal. Most of e-y-d-h never mention it because they either think it "goes without saying" or they survived their entire lives without experiencing it in sufficient quality or quantity and think it "doesn't actually exist".
My first recommendation (no matter your age, personality, or life situation) is: Teach yourself how to love and be loved by a pet of your choosing. The last phrase—of your choosing—is the most important. Devote quality hours out of your day (every day, without exception) to playing, cuddling, grooming, training, pampering, and just spending time with your chosen pet. If you think you love your pet, and they love you, but you might allow a situation, person, or circumstance to come between or separate you? You still have much to learn about basic friendship. You can't really love until you are best of friends; and true friendship trusts nothing could come between them. Once comfortably devoted to a pet, try platonic adult friendship with a human(⁰).
Secondly, you need to teach yourself how to set achievable goals for yourself. The key word in that sentence is achievable. Anyone and everyone can set unrealistic goals; others do it every year when making New Year resolutions(¹). Set a small goal. Something like: run a mile without stopping; or join a local group; or learn to play an instrument (et cetera). The only way to determine if your goal was an achievable one? When you are able to set another one, which expands on the first. Like: run two nonstop miles; or fully participate in an activity decided by that group; or play an entire song of your choosing (et cetera).
Determine what level of importance you desire to place on your long-term financial wealth. It takes a specific mindset to value the accumulation of wealth for its own sake(²). If you determine that you desire wealth more than other qualities, a college education in a money-making field should become your immediate short-term goal.
Measure your future life in twenty-year potentialities. Your second twenty years(³) is when you refine yourself and make yourself better at what you've begun. Your third twenty years is when you either rebuild yourself from your mistakes, continue to make bigger mistakes, or strive to teach yourself how to set, and efficiently accomplish, harder goals. Your last twenty years is for teaching others what you learned and preparing your happy-content self for the inevitable aging and death.
Learn how to determine when you are satisfied with what you've attained. No one strives to be unhappy. No one who is absolutely happy is constantly stressed. Constantly striving, without being aware what constitutes a sufficient amount to be comfortable(⁴), will always result in an ever-escalating amount of stress. That "treadmill loop" is the saddest way to kill yourself.
Respectfully,
Veach
(⁴) This "sufficiency" can-and-should-be adjusted as your life circumstances expand and contract. It's important to be aware of your comfort in a studio apartment, but essential to know when a two-bedroom becomes the new "sufficient amount." And, most of all, it is crucial to remain alert to when returning to the studio will reduce stress (and make you more comfortable).
(³) Your second twenty years will begin once you are adulting full-time, independent of the calendar, living conditions, or family relationships. Some "old people" learn (decades too late) that they are still not able to refine themselves on their own terms; while some "teenagers" discover they have been refining themselves on their own terms for years.
(²) "For its own sake" is a red-flag phrase. It is equivalent to "for no reason." You should do everything (which takes some significant amount of time and effort to accomplish) for clearly identifiable-to-you and clearly important-to-you reasons. Getting more money for money's sake is hording. Gaining knowledge for knowledge's sake is time wasting. The only exception is being happy for happiness's sake.
(¹) Never "play with" making goals. Your subconscious remembers every time you fail-to-achieve and it uses guilt and shame to try to encourage you to succeed; even if you thought you were only half-heartily joking when you said, "I'm, finally, going to write that novel this year!"—your subconscious heard you planning a goal and now it (you) will make you feel bad when you don't do it.
(⁰) Another adult human who also loves pets. This advice is my first, because it is the most important. People who don't like pets should only become friends with others of their ilk.
for other Andrea's:
talking about others 'behind their back'
When the ringmaster began to teach itself to learn to pay attention it was too small to move very far or at all. And never quickly. At that time, the ringmaster witnessed sounds of happy cheerfulness, calm relaxation, and a variation of positive tones or even some irritating wavelength vibrations. It witnessed a range of focused, kind, expressions. Smiles big and small; soft touches; a range of environmental and garment changes, which were sweaty or shivery; and the ringmaster heard too many to remember unknowable noises. Once in a while, it heard a shockingly loud sound which would cause it to wake up.
The ringmaster soon realized, all of these sounds, touches, tastes, and sights were caused by the big people. Some sounds happened because the big people had to make that noise in order to help the ringmaster move, eat, clean, and not be sweaty or shivery. It decided that it liked many of the sounds and smells and tastes provided by big people. It felt especially content, at times, when a big person not-only erased
some discomfort but provided an unexpected feeling of pleasure.
However, some of the big people's sounds or smells or temperatures were exceedingly uncomfortable and the ringmaster realized it needed to some-how inform the big people they were not doing their job correctly.
Consequently, the ringmaster taught itself to make a sound of its own. When a discomfort did not go away (or actually got worse and increased) the ringmaster could contort the muscles surrounding its feeding orifice and force its breathing mechanism to create a unique notification noise.
While practicing their notification noise, the ringmaster discovered it was possible to muffle or not hear the loudness of the noise they were making, at least not at its full volume, if they fully stretched open their feeding orifice. Wide.
Their notification noise had successfully resulted in big people reducing their discomforts for as long as the ringmaster could
recall. And. Over
time. The ringmaster came to identify a small number of big people were better at increasing their
comfort-pleasure and reducing their discomfort-pain than others. It differentiated the big people mostly by their smells and sounds.
That changed in the recent last before. When it was easy to see because the space was blurry-bright. That was when the ringleader recognized an odd disconnect. A few of the big
people, who had previously been better at their job than others, seemed—for no
discernible reason—to choose not to reduce discomfort when it notified them with the notification noise. Instead, one of the big people arrived and intentionally increased its discomfort-pain. The ringleader did not understand. This lack of understanding was new. Uncomfortably new.
Now-now it was difficult to see because the space was dimly lit. The ringmaster considered maybe it had previously done something out of sequence. I am a captive who can not move on my own and when I am uncomfortable I use the notification noise. Like this (and the ringmaster forced its breathing mechanism to expel its breath as its eating orifice opened to squeeze down on its hearing mechanisms). And, now, big people should arrive and make me comfortable. Not this time. Again, I'll do it again. Still nothing. I can normally hear the big person make its arrival noises. I hear no arrival noises. This is illogical.
The illogical happened with more and more regularity. Some dimly lit times and brightly lit times would be back to normal. Other times it would be illogical. They could no longer expect the big person's arrival was a guarantee that "things were going to soon get better." Instead, the ringleader was put in a position to feel a constant level of uncertain about the arrival of the big person. This uncertainty carried with it a constant awareness which became a vague disconcerted feeling in the background of the ringleader's awareness.
Should I do something to not encourage the big person to arrive? I will test that theory. If I do not make the notification noise, even if I am very uncomfortable (and I am uncomfortable right now) maybe they will arrive and it will be normal. No matter how uncomfortable I currently feel, is it possible that I could be making "things be worse" when I use my notification noise?
Accordingly, the ringmaster began to pay close attention to any detail which might help it to pre-identify what every big person intended before they arrived in the place where the ringleader was imprisoned. Was there a different sound, smell, or subtle sequence of visual images which accompanied or preceded the big person's arrival? Something which might indicate if their arrival was going to reduce discomfort or increase discomfort?
Becoming hyper-alert for the possible increase in discomfort-pain, resulted in the blooming of fear to begin to exist and never leave. Never leave ever again. Normal times were never again. Forgotten. The illogical times were now happening too often to not expect them to be expected as the new constant. Use or not use of the notification noise was not connected to receiving pleasure or receiving pain. Nonetheless, the ringmaster decided to no longer use the notification noise except in an absolute pain emergency of the ultimate measure.
One of the times it considered an emergency was when it continued to
over force and extra-exert its breathing mechanism so that its sensory organs could eventually become more
and more fuzzy and many of its discomforts could drift away and become a
distantly-diminished forgotten thing and it could cause itself to go to
sleep, even if it had been fully rested.
Now, it would only exert its breathing mechanism to that extent when it was already lying down. Because it had one-previous-time been fully issuing its notification noise while standing holding the bars and, after it got fuzzy, the ringmaster fell and banged painfully-hard against the edge of the cage.
When
any big person actually arrived and provided comfort-pleasure, now a fantastic feeling of relief rushed in to wash away the ever-present discomfort as well as the accompanying fear (that the discomfort was never going to go away ever again). That fear never actually disappeared, however. Even when the pleasure was sublime. "The pleasure is always only temporary." (Was what the ringmaster understood the fear communicated as it waited patiently for the pleasure to be replaced with discomfort).
Because of that fear, the ringleader was now always cautious when their hypocrite of a warden arrived. No longer did the ringleader express any eagerness or any pleased demeanor when the warden came to their cage. This confused the warden.
The warden thought the ringleader was defective. The warden took it to a health official.
"...cries day and night...always fussy...don't know what could be wrong..."
"...significantly underweight for twelve months...what are you feeding?..."
"...bottle of formula...three times a day...breakfast, lunch, dinner...why?.."
"...just hungry...should've fed cereal at 2 months...and any food by now..."
My Self began to be aware it was (uncomfortably) forming when I was constantly hungry, shitting only liquid, growing a world-record diaper rash (inflamed by cotton diapers trapped under rubber pants) and left, untouched, in a cold, drafty, attic crib (in Maine) between my second month and twelve-months of age. Thanks to a doctor's office scheduling my "annual checkup" this torture only lasted for about 300 days.
Sir? S-Sir? I'm c-confused by this gra-grading system . . . I-I've never exp erienced re-real-time class-ss-room p-par ticipation scoring . . . W-why a r range of . . .a . . . ff . . . s-something like . . . thir thirty levels?
Anyone wish to answer Susan or Sue's question? . . . Someone besides the four online auditors who have been permanently blocked. Five, ahh, six are now blocked. I thank Susan or Sue for asking. Some auditors are trolls who eventually identify themselves. It was bound to happen . . .
A-anh ohh?!
Three monks walking a path.
The first is overly cognizant of their every action. They attempt to never crush or injure any tiny animal or insect underfoot. Their path commonly pauses and weaves as they place each foot into any available space between caterpillars.
The last also hesitates, hops, and lands. Their attempt, however, is to aim every one of their steps so as to kill as many caterpillars as circumstance might place upon their path.
The middle rarely looks down. They walk as straight a path as efficiently practical, only altering stride to avoid mud puddles or navigate obstacles.
This middle monk realizes, at times, that cleaning caterpillar guts from between their toes could be avoided if they were more like the first monk. But they only choose to do so when there are almost none visible. When caterpillars crowd the path, the middle monk re-prioritizes efficiency and rationalizes their actions—as they return their gaze to the horizon—that the few squished by happenstance are outnumbered by the mass who survive to become butterflies.
Thought: *boredom*Self-aware reply: (automatic dip in brain-chemical urging entertainment - will subside).Thought: *hungry*Self-aware reply: (preconditioned starvation-response when reserve fuel brought online - disregard - use rarely utilized reserves)
Thought: *alert! unfinished chores*Self-aware reply: (override - place mental health reminder as current top-priority)
Thought: *unfamiliar territory! confusion imminent!*Self-aware reply: (fear of change is based on childhood trauma - irrational to maintain sticky note - investigating new terrain only results in more efficient pathways)
Thought: *¡caution! new belief - requires admission of fallibility - ego dislikes embarrassment caused by "being wrong"*Self-aware reply: (growth is progress - adherence to faulty beliefs is stagnation - ¡new value! prioritize embracing fallibility over maintaining hypocrisy)
I honestly despise every bit and byte of the most recent revelations from the sunset stained stucco-and-concrete hued neurons in y...
