On December 21st, 2012, the entire world is supposed to change in a manner that will come to the attention of every single inhabitant—from the most elegant giant squid jetting thru its December feeding-range off the west coast of Australia, to the world’s lowliest of life forms (e.g.
this cum-stain). Most have heard the murmurings; if not, let these murmurs of mine be your first murmurs. Whether written: 21-12-12 (like most of the world does) or 12-21-12 (like the US does) the symmetry makes it sound like a different shade of
Y2K, which always failed to pass the kindergarten End of World Common-sense Test (The world ends on 1 Jan 2000. Oh...why? Because of the three zeros.)
A while ago, some foolish 2012 information blip-blapped across my bookstore surveillance radar—and then the dust jacket brandished several large and interesting weapons of mass destruction, which thwarted my skepticism shield. So, after reading
2012 Apocalypse: an Investigation into Civilization's End, my interest became bolstered (in a,
sort-of, willing-to-pay-a-NOT-nominal-fee-to-see-a-real-live-monster-in-
some favorite locale, kind of way). So, I delved a little deeper and read
2012: The Return of Quetzalcoatl.
I learned (if I may distill over 400 rambling pages of a famously-drug-addicted author's words into a few paragraphs) there is only
one reason to believe life on the earth will change (most authors don't use the word 'end', I suspect it to be
Al Capone's Vault-effect driven) on the day of the winter solstice in the year 2012. That reason is the conjunction of
two things: an ancient Mayan calendar's "prediction" (of sorts) and a astronomical alignment "re-discovered" by modern scientists. (I would have used the words 'coincidental conjunction' in the last sentence, but I didn't want to use two words beginning with the same two letters together; that, and the word 'coincidental' shades things a bit pessimistically...so I didn't use it).
The Mayan 'prediction': The ancient Maya were amazing astronomers and mathematicians; and they were calendar-fuckin-superstars. They knew—twenty-five hundred years ago—about the earth's
precession. Without getting too didactic, the Earth wobbles a little, as it spins. This wobble takes about 26,000 years to complete one full circuit. Although it's not difficult to see the earth rotate on it's axis by watching one of the
pole stars, observing—even today—that the axial-spot in the night sky makes a small, 26,000-year-long circle is complicated and difficult.
How the ancient Maya measured, observed, and computed this wobble is not knowable. (Me, I suspect time-travelers from our future cocked-up and left a telescope connected to a solar-powered laptop.) What is known is that the ancient Mayans incorporated this 26,000 year "cycle" into one of their
calendars. And, they did not
start this calendar on a specific date (like...oh...I don't know...the death of some arbitrary
fucknut). Instead, they began their long calendar at some very distant point (relative to humans as a whole, and the Mayan's specifically) in the past and ended it on ... you got it ... 21 December 2012. I will repeat, here, at the risk of redundancy, the calendar ends; not the world. The 22nd of December, 2012, is day numbero uno on the next 26,000-year long calendar.
The 're-discovered' astronomical alignment: On the winter solstice of 2012, the earth will supposedly cross the center of the Milky Way galaxy's
galactic plane. I delved a bit deeper, read
Maya Cosmogenesis 2012: The True Meaning of the Maya Calendar End-Date, got brain-bent stuck, and quit delving. I was attempting to determine how it was possible to measure the earth's crossing (which is actually the entire solar system's crossing) of the
exact center of our galactic plane. Hell, I would have been happy if I could have learned how the exact center of the galactic plane was determined. I think it may be like Parisians claiming the spot in front of the Notre Dame is the exact center of the world.
Here's the gist: picture our solar system as a speck of dirt about 2/3 of the way out from the center of a massive, sunny-side up, egg. As the sun spirals around the galaxy-center, it oscillates relative to the galactic plane. Which means, that every million years or less, our speck of dirt moves in an wobbly-arc from the "bottom" of the egg (nearest the skillet),
thru the egg white, to the "top" of the egg (where you can see it, and pick it off). On the winter solstice of 2012, our solar system ends a long arc and begins another...by crossing the galactic center.
How did the Mayans know of this million-year oscillation (if they did)? Maybe they picked (our) 22nd of December, 2012, as the first day of their new 26,000-year calendar, for their own bizarre,
heart-felt, reasons. We can never know. Maybe we are just guilty of ascribing the first synchronistic anomaly that comes along every once in 800,000 years, to their foresight (because we love a good Armageddon story). If the entire world is going to 'change' in a little over four years, I'm looking forward to it. Eagerly. Here! Here! to the day 0.0.0.0.1!
This inconsequential film would never have been released if it were not our current president's last daze in office. However, I suspect Oliver Stone knows he is our era's D.W. Griffin, and this film will insidiously become the primary way that our future youth (and our future-future great-grandparents) will view G.W. Bush.
