Open Letter to Senator Wyden

Dear Senator Wyden,

          My suggestion is for a new national law which would immediately employ over a million people in 48 states.  Because this suggested new law wouldn't effect our state or the state of New Jersey, I think this bill should be co-sponored by someone like Senator Menendez (D, NJ).

          Using the Emergency Highway Energy Conservation Act of 1974 as a template, and incorporating sunset provisions (for no shorter than five years) I suggest a bill which would duplicate ORS480.315 making self-service gas stations illegal nation-wide.

          Additional suggested requirements which should be included in the bill (which would affect Oregon and NJ):

          -  Require a dispensing license (which will have a fee which is similar to an alcohol certification or a food preparation license).  This training can be made available online, but could only be issued in person (by a licensed gasoline retailer) to US citizens who are at least 18 years old.  (The purpose of the law is to employ out-of-work adults, not high school students and illegal immigrants.)

          -  Require each State Fire Marshal to employ additional Inspectors, funded by the additional fees and fines.

          There are many safety and equality justifications cited as to why full-service may be better than self, but I suggest this new national law only be proposed in order to quickly employ a large quantity of Americans.  I estimate this law would employ between 1.2 and 1.8 million people.

          Obviously, all—or almost all—of these employees would be minimum-wage, less-than-full-time, non-benefit, employees.  And, also obviously, the fuel distribution companies would raise the cost of gas and pass the added cost to the end-consumer (I estimate that the cost of gas would increase between 10 and 15 cents a gallon).  None the less, the added jobs would definitely spur spending and grow our economy at a time when it is most needed.

          My quick calculations indicate there would be about 240,000 gas stations affected.

          I've been wondering, for some years now, about the incessant "job creation speechifying."  I think if this new law were proposed by an Oregon Senator, he would be seen as proposing a fix which (because it would have no direct benefit in his state and was only an attempt to improve the national economy) would quickly employ millions of Americans.

          I hope my suggestion is of some use.

          Veach Glines

I read in 2012

Dangerous Artists?

          Although this banner is riddled with wrong on many levels, it is that very fact which explains why people are drawn to it.

          This is not an actual poster from the McCarthy-era (a claim made by the type of individuals who also choose to think that contrails are chemtrails and be-damned with hot exhaust/cold atmosphere physics).

          Artists don't mix.  They certainly are a part of all of human society no matter how one decides to pigeonhole or categorize, but—mostly—creative types don't mix very well.   We try, dammit, but we don't often succeed.

          Creative people want to be perceived as out-beyond-the-edge and as non-conformists.  And those who are driven to create would absolutely love to wear the label: most dangerous.  However, every artist I've ever known is no more threatening than a drifting cloud of condensed water vapor.

First Snow - Portland (winter 2012-13)

make your own flake

Today is Someday: Book 1 - Watership Down

          This is the first book in my Today is Someday series.  I'd hoped to like this more than I did and I hope the next should-already-have-read-classic is better.  A few more like this one and my list will quickly relapse back into I'm Fine With Tomorrow Being Someday.

          I first failed to read Watership Down in High School (at that time it had been around for only a few years and was assigned reading).  I could only get through a few chapters back then and wrote a paper from the cliff notes...as I occasionally did when I was fifteen.

          Now, I can truthfully say I've read it.  I've lied to myself and others for almost forty years.

          The plot was interesting.  The suspense was deftly handled.  The characters are wonderfully solid.  But...the author was not able to always keep me in the story (as I believe is the job of good authors).

          Violations of proper grammar abound.  Odd, clunky, and irritating changes in tone and point of view continually throw the reader off the page.  First person becomes third person singular switches to third person dual which slides into omniscient and then quickly shifts to detached.  It feels like two dozen short stories instead of a 24-chapter book (which made more sense to me after I read the introduction, which I did after reading the book because whenever a forty year old book contains a 'new introduction' it most-probably contains spoilers).

          Then there is this type of constant foolishness:

          "I need to clearly explain my dissatisfaction," Veach thought. "But I wonder what would be a good way to do that?"
          "There are some problems which could easily have been fixed with a good editor," Veach said. "Because.  Of all the many ways to smoothly mix a character's thoughts and dialogue this, dear reader, is definitely not one of them."

Jesus Henry Christ - review (☆☆☆☆)

          Although Wes Anderson had no part in the production of this film, the director—Dennis Lee—is to Wes Anderson as Blind Melon is to Led Zeppelin.

          Jesus Henry Christ is one of those 'hidden gem' feel-good films that (unfortunate for those who enjoy intelligently scripted, well-acted, films on the big screen) slipped in-to and out-of theaters almost a year ago without notice...mine, yours, or anyone else's.  It's now available on all home-viewing formats.  To miss it now is nobody's downloadable fault but your own. 

          It's not as whack-a-doodle as a Wes Anderson, but in many places it looks, feels, and sounds so much like a Royal... Aquatic... duck... (named Rush) that one may desire to pause the film and check IMDB to determine if, maybe, Mr Anderson was some kind of Producer (He was not, Julia Roberts was). 

also don't continue to avoid:

Rubber

Bunraku

Stop blowing smoke up my ass!

The first time I heard 'Are you trying to blow smoke up my ass?' was in this context:

Drill Sergeant:  What's wrong with you private?  You failed to accomplish a simple task!  Why?!

Private:  I thought you said, "place all open liquids in the trash can," Drill Sergeant.

Drill Sergeant:  (holding a green plastic bottle at eye level) What is this, Private?

Private:  Shampoo, Drill Sergeant.

Drill Sergeant:  Is it a half-empty bottle of shampoo, Private?

Private:  Yes sir.

Drill Sergeant:  WHAT?

Private:  Yes... Drill Sergeant!

Drill Sergeant:  Why is it not in the can, Private?

Private:  Because it's... I didn't think it was... liquid.

Drill Sergeant:  Is it a gas?

Private: (starts to shake his head) N...

Drill Sergeant:  Is it SOLID?

Private:  (still shaking his head) no...

Drill Sergeant:  Then what?! 

Private:  A.. a..  gel.  Drill Sergeant.

Drill Sergeant:  Are you trying to blow smoke up my ass?

Private:  n... No, Drill Sergeant.

Drill Sergeant:  (twisting the top off of the bottle) cup your hands in front of you, Private.

(At this point the Private placed his cupped palms together in front of his belt.)

Drill Sergeant:  (peering closely at the side and front of the Private's face as if he were looking for the smallest flaw, or eye movement, or shift from the position of attention)  PALMS UP!  Are you an idiot, Private?

Private:  No, Drill Sergeant!

Drill Sergeant:  (tipping the bottle over the Private's hands)  We.  Will.  See.  Private.  We will see.

(At this point the shampoo began to ooze out of the bottle and coat the Private's hands.)

Drill Sergeant:  Does this feel like a glob of gel has fallen into your hands?  Or.  Does this feel like a liquid is pouring into your hands?

Private:  A.. a liquid.  Drill Sergeant.  Sorry, Drill Sergeant.

Drill Sergeant:  So you were trying to blow smoke up my ass, weren't you?   

Private:  No Drill Sergeant.

Drill Sergeant:  (pointing) Go in that latrine.  Wash the liquid soap off your hands.  And get back in my formation.  You have thirty seconds.  GO!

(At this point the Drill Sergeant handed the bottle and cap to another Private in our formation and directed him to dispose of the bottle and return to the formation.)

Drill Sergeant:  It appears that my instructions were unclear.  ALL liquids are prohibited in my barracks.  All medications OF ANY KIND are prohibited in my barracks.  I asked if there were questions, got none, and - yet - I still found a liquid.  On the command of move, you all will have another FULL MINUTE to search your belongings for liquids and medicines, dispose of them in the center trash bin, and return to the position of attention in formation.  MOVE!!

(At this point some soldiers began to scramble again and more bottles of various types were thrown away.  The Private returned from the latrine and the Drill Sergeant began to holler at him about the mess he made by dripping shampoo on the floor and the latrine door.  The private then wiped up the drips with paper towels.)

Drill Sergeant:  (over the sound of the Private counting off his push-ups)  You ALL better be back in my formation by NOW!  If I find ONE more liquid, or ANY medicine of ANY kind, that means you're ALL blowing smoke up my ASS!

(Three duffle bags later he found a small bottle of saline solution for soft contacts.  We all began to do push ups, until it was time to do squat-thrusts, until it was time to do wish-bones, until it was time to do more push-ups.) 

          It is nice to know the (supposedly true) origin of the phrase.  I must admit I find it difficult to take this explanation 100% seriously; even after seeing the actual device and seeing the old drawings.  It's too easy to fabricate an item and fake the explanation for me to swallow anything this far fetched hook-line-and-sinker (as it were).

          I have used the phrase in it's bastardized form of either "I-think-you-are-being-less-than-truthful" as well as "Stop-using-foolishly-overt-flattery-because-it-isn't-working".

          Until today, if someone were to tell me about an old British custom of reviving drowned people by blowing smoke up their ass...I would have replied:  "Do you believe it was a real custom?  If so, I  think you are blowing smoke up my ass."

          But—ever willing to play devil's advocate—why be so positive it doesn't work?  Just because it sounds like a bag of leeches?

          I've heard about butt-chugging.  I've read how Marlyn Monroe insured her last suicide attempt was successful.  Is it possible that a gust of nicotine absorbed through the rectum will cause someone who just inhaled a few cups of water to violently cough?     
      

WOOL by Hugh Howey - review (☆☆☆☆)

          This is a first for me:  a 540 page, self-published SF book that's can't-put-it-down good.  I plan to immediately hunt for more Hugh Howey books.

          To accurately review this book I need to explain why it was not 5-star 'amazing' and only 4-star 'really liked it'.  Simply put: for a novel to get my highest rating it needs to stir emotions and my intelligence.   The first current-day author who comes to mind (who always does both) is Patrick Rothfuss.

          PROS:  The milieu in WOOL is expertly described and imaginatively revealed.  Every character is rendered with finesse; we quickly care about these characters.  The story unfolds at the right speed...the reader figures out what will come next just a bit before the characters do.   The grammar is flawless.  The plot exposition is perfect with a great beginning, an informative middle, and an explosive third act. 

          CONS:   Even with a large variety of death on display, WOOL isn't gory, gritty, or dark and it is barbie-and-ken asexual.   The target audience is pre-teens and teens; adults will like this book as much as they liked Harry Potter, but they'll quickly recognize that—other than the thrill of suspense—it doesn't make you laugh or cry or shudder or...you get the gist.  Also, at no point did I learn a new way of thinking about an old idea, let alone anything novel.  In fact, there's a massive flaw in the physics around page 400.  If the author did any research on scuba diving he could have fixed it with a few added sentences (and, thus, proof that editors and first-draft readers are valuable).

          KIND OF A SPOILER:  Note to Mr Howey - Air, trapped in a flexible container under water, is compressed by the weight of the water.  As that container rises to the surface the air expands.  Under hundreds of feet of water the air will expand exponentially when surfacing.  (Juliette's suit would have exploded as she surfaced quickly and if she weren't continually exhaling her lungs would have exploded too).

          For me, the Pros massively outweigh the Cons.  This would make a great holiday gift for any young fan of Speculative Fiction (and especially those who like post-apocalyptic SF).

LOOM by Polynoid

Dishonored Review (☆☆☆+)

          For the current new-game price, DISHONORED fails to live up to the hype.

          I completed all of this game's nine-levels in 25 hours.  My style of gameplay was stealthy and I enjoy searching for—and finding—hidden treasures.  I suspect an aggressive gamer might complete the game in less than 15 hours.

          This game is only worth about $15.  For a new sixty dollar game to be considered good-to-great (four or five stars) it should take someone like me no less than one hundred hours to complete and an aggressive gamer no less than sixty hours start-to-finish.

          Also, unfortunately, there are no mini-games or puzzles in DISHONORED.  It isn't a bad game.  I enjoyed playing it.  It's just not worth the price.