Decision Waffling

(the challenge: multiple character article; never identify genders; effectively use past, present and future-omniscient tenses. you be the judge.)

What would you like to see?” said Frap.

“Oh, I don’t know…the suspense one might be OK. I’ve heard it’s really cool. But, whatever you want is fine,” replied Bandy, hoping Frap picked the suspense film.

Bandy wanted Frap to choose.

This was Bandy’s rationale:

- If the suspense film was bad then ‘Frap picked it’.

- If it was good Bandy could claim ‘it was my suggestion’.

Bandy thought Frap looked distracted. Maybe it was because of the earlier traffic. Bandy hoped it was because of rush hour and not that Frap noticed the tobacco smell.

Frap, however, had a strong desire to see the new action film and knew the suspense film wasn’t going to be worth the time to sit through. The trailer they watched last month gave the plot twists away and ruined any hope of suspense, Frap thought.

At this point Frap knew the best thing to do would be to say, “Why don’t you go to that one, I’ll go to this one and afterwards we’ll meet at the car, go get a vanilla shake and tell each other about our respective films?”

Instead Frap said: “Do you think the action film would be interesting? It’s got that guy in it that we both like. What do you think?”

Frap was playing Bandy’s game with a bit more spin hoping Bandy would acquiesce. It would certainly be nice if they both wanted to do the same thing at the same time for once, Frap thought. But if they went to different films—each ending at different times—Bandy wouldn’t have to work too hard to fabricate an excuse to disappear for ten minutes.

“You drove, so I’ll pay. You pick.” Bandy said—putting Frap’s guilt in play.

Instead, Frap said—with slightly tightened throat muscles, “You seem to want to see the suspense film, so I guess the suspense film is what we’ll see.” Frap was no longer smiling much and then let out a breath and turned to give a distant glance at the horizon.

Bandy noticed most of Frap’s unspoken communication (but didn’t understand any of it) and announced—with more breath per word than necessary, “Why do you have to turn this into such a big deal? Now you’ve got an attitude over a movie? Jeezz. We’ll see the stupid action one.” And, not to let Frap’s posturing go unmatched, Bandy muttered and groaned and sighed and waived around melodramatically.

Frap replied, “Attitude I didn’t give you any attitude! You’re the one throwing a fit, getting all angry and loud. All I said was, 'we’ll see the suspense film, because that’s the one you want to see'.” In Frap’s mind this wasn’t a lie because only Bandy used negative and condescending words and only Bandy let anger show.

Frap determined early in their relationship that Bandy was incapable of communicating effectively using body language. Only capable of simple mimicry—in an exaggerated manner—Bandy’s body expressions were without any subtle finesse or effective aplomb. So when Frap resorted to communicating with body language, Bandy’s normal recourse was to point out Frap’s use of foreign language and ‘claim foul’.

“So now your posturing was all in my imagination? It’s all in my head? It’s only me?” Bandy asked.

Frap stood mute. A slight eye-squint and forehead wrinkle silently queried—what ARE you talking about? Bandy only saw a scowl like the one Bandy’s mother used when someone was about to get punished for not doing as she had instructed. Disgusted, Bandy bought two tickets for the action film.

To push it further, Frap said, as Bandy handed the tickets to the doorman, “I’m not going sit next to you through a movie if you’re going to be angry for no reason.”

Now Bandy made an ugly face, which was supposed to say—I’m hurt, fuck-you; but only came off as a funny grumpy-grouch. Frap almost smiled but held it and said, “Go over and exchange them at customer service for the suspense one if it will make you happy.”

Bandy replied, “No way I’m sitting through the suspense one NOW. With you pointing out all the bad qualities? Even if it turned out to be a great film, you’d broadcast to the world that I forced you to watch the worst movie of the decade.”

Frap won the battle, but the war will be lost.

Bandy will forever be incapable of the subtlety necessary to effectively play this decision waffling game—which is never a game couples win as much as one which is poorly played. The game kills relationships over the course of a lengthy war, usually due to the minor infections it carries with it.

Unfortunately it will take the entire two hours of film for each to forget how the other played the game (and who cheated).

The next day Frap will tell a co-worker that Bandy, “…got all pissed off at the theater for an totally imagined affront; then fabricated a reason to yell and followed through with it, for no reason at all.” The co-worker will console Frap by saying, “It might be best if you left before things get too difficult to back out.”

That same day, Frieda, Bandy’s older sister will learn things are still questionable because Frap, “…gets moody over the most innocent things and when Bandy points out the attitude changes, Frap always says the accusations are groundless or imagined.”

“I don’t think I can keep staying with Frap if this continues. I’m beginning to question my own sanity. When I recognize something I’ve said had a negative effect on Frap—but it’s not an obvious thing, right? I try to make amends. I'll ask, ‘what’s wrong?’ And then I’ll get, ‘Nothing, nothing at all.’ Which reinforces my suspicions. There must be something, because if there was nothing Frap would say, ‘Why do you ask?’ Not asking, means Frap knows why, so doesn’t say that. Get it? It drives me crazy. Frap has some kind of emotional tizzy going almost every day. I can’t figure out why and when I attempt, I make it worse rather than better.”

Frieda will tell Bandy to try a serious conversation about the relationship. “Sit down and talk about all the things you’ve told me over the last months. Get it all out in the open. Tell Frap you’re aware of the body language even though you can’t decipher the messages.”

“Oh, I already did that.” Bandy will reply. “Frap never wavered. According to Frap there is never any body language being used and I’m merely pointing at imaginary postures as a crutch to support my outbursts and moodiness. Frap actually said I was the one who was on an emotional roller coaster. That I used, 'invisible ghosts of unspoken expressions' as an excuse for my manic-depression.”

Q: What are their genders?

Q: Were the non-use of pronouns a difficult hurdle for you as reader?

Q: Was the changing of tense done smoothly?

—Veach Glines, December 2004