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she sees your feelings
focus on her emotions
know only this now
Notes on Discernment (From The Fabric of a Past-When to a Future-When)
Something to consider when pondering that: Now never really exists. And that (paradoxically and non-paradoxically): it's always now.
We humans collect ourselves into local group tribes (think city rivalry) as well as collective "greater-good" geographic separates (think countries without language gaps versus "foreign" countries with disparate economic resources). Hierarchy is born. One want in exchange for another. Trade is either fair or it is forced.
Unfortunately for everyone (city or country) taking the resources of another, with or without force, is simpler to rationalize if they both think of the other as "sufficiently other," which is to say, both sides manufacture disdain. "They are not cultured like us..." becomes easier to rationalize (in much the same manner as humans rationalize consuming other species of animals).
We grew up eating this type of food; communicating with our tribe in this type of performative manner; treating friendly rivals in a friendly-sibling way; and (here comes the point, finally) non-friendly rivals in the non-kindly manner proscribed by our distant ancestors.
The tribe, city, country is measured by its leaders (chosen or not). And the equanimity, fairness, respect, and values of every leader is measured by their use of "state violence" represented by his uniformed police and military.
Look at any military general's "show us your decorations" uniform.
Each ribbon, badge, and elaborate flair only means something valuable and significant to all their subordinates.
Civilians just see the ego of the top-general on public display. And if the president or prime minister is unable to recognize the reflection of him or herself in the garish "I participated in this expensive but patriotic use of force" chest-medals, then (by extension) the entire country is unaware that at some definitive point "less can be of more value" in the sense that showing self-restraint is an ability some are incapable of realizing.
It is never possible to forcefully eliminate all enemies. While it's always possible to learn to perform their language as if they were a long-lost sibling.
Braggadocio is proudly worn until the wearer learns --- from experience --- that they lacked (always past-tense) discernment of what is and what is not valuable. To themselves. Recognizing the bad behaviors of others and then becoming aware of one's own hypocrisy is as simple as seeing self-advertisement (self-aggrandizement) as always performed in the realm of the "yet to attain" or the Future-When. This is not instinctual nor is it grown institutionally. (Quite the opposite! It takes intentionally focusing on oneself, and one's past performative behaviors, to answer: 'Who am I doing this for?')
The most consciously-beautiful individuals are those without performance and without artifice or guile. When beauty lacks discernment, they (with the naivety of those who obtain too-much cosmetic surgery) draw attention to their lack of conscious discernment. Those without discernment: fail to think it might be possible that less is ever a positive asset.
The goal is to know when to be satisfied; when sufficient is enough; when to stop striving. Always. In all ways.
Extra Credit Homework Assignment: Because eyes are reading this. This is now (was now). As is this.
Which is why "time" is unquestioned (which most consider unquestionable).
To the observer, energy-mass causes the impression of gravity; which creates the impression of spacetime. Null energy-mass; no gravity; no spacetime. On the other end of the spectrum: maximum energy-mass; maximum gravity; maximum spacetime. To the observer, null-spacetime and max-spacetime are paradoxically impossible to observe and therefore can not exist.
Discern that it all --- all of this --- is only inside your thoughts. None of it is tangibly "real".
Imagine an ability to measure yourself
How would that happen?
I played the computer game Myst when it first came out. After many days of puzzle solving I got "stuck" and could not progress until I "escaped" from an underground mine. I attempted escaping for hours and then I quit the game entirely. Online discussion boards were available to explain every aspect of the game, however, I considered that would be cheating myself.
Playing thru the 25th Anniversary edition of the game (with a commensurate number of "games" stored in my memories after a quarter-century) I found myself easily escaping the mine. And wondering to myself: 'How did I not realize (back when I got stuck in the 1990s) how to pay attention to everything happening to my avatar in that mine?'
The game did not get easier. I had become more proficient at puzzle solving. On my own. Without cheating myself.
CJ the X (in his video titled: 6 shapes of god) is so much better at communicating what his brain has experienced, than .
When you listen to his feature-length lecture the first time, you might not be able to understand everything in context (or in metaphor). But, on second watch, (eyes closed) you may become aware that not every philosopher worth your attention is a professor employed in academia. There are highly capable people available to guide you toward how to better measure your progress in this game; how to not want to cheat yourself; and how to escape the mind, or mine.
MAPP (Mandatory Annual Pet Pic) - Cecil 2024
Still loving, living, but showing/feeling his age, Cecil has become thin and rangy at 16 years of oldness. He still very-much enjoys a pile of firewood (as he did as a juvenile kitten and young adult). My hopes are that this isn't his final annual picture, but that last month's move is-and-will-be the last move required of us all.
Grooming him and enjoying her elder's company, Pearl is but a mere 2 years of youthfulness. She is wiley and adept at learning, but still only obeys the commands 'stop' and 'come' when it suits her. My hopes are that "Pearly-girl" eventually becomes less sensitive to odors; because she compulsively scratches to "cover" anything with a smell, which includes her own food.
On Topic:
Go On This Way
Read the book first (no matter if you understand any of it, none of it, or all). In a delta-level state of ego relaxation, absorb this reading as if it were intended to be a 2-hour guided meditation. Wait at least one sleep cycle. Repeat. Wait at least two sleep cycles. Repeat.
Your personal delta-level state of relaxed ego will vary depending on preferences, tolerances, and outcomes already attained, those you have previously failed to attain, and those you currently desire to attain.
This way is but one way.
1st Qtr 2024 - Dribbles In The Dust
Daylight Savings Time Sprung Diligently
Forward For My First Elderly Experience
Officially Aware As Another Southbound
10:10 Boiled Thru At 11:11 A Final Blow
[program] Intent Is To Improve [satisfied]
{final phase} Landing Gear Locked {rest}
Poorly Healing Scarred Emotional Tissues
[edit program] Define Landing Experience
Ouroboros In Metamorphosis Is Yin-yang
{relinquish command-control} Baton Pass
Every Mental Disorder is One's Aspect Of
Value And Cope: Mixed In Hate and Hope
Recognize Your Before The Fixing Started
As Point Of Reference {validly unlabelled}
After This Labelled Organism Passes They
Solidify Into More Than An Abstract Value
Intuitive Doubts About Serendipity Flutter
For Hours Along Thru And In The Goings
On As Of Course One Would Only Expect
Resolve Sweat Lodging Retaining Wall [!]
Station Skepticism
Alone, with no external encouragement or assistance, a toddler does something novel. New neuron connections are electric-vibration-ally "made". With repetition, the toddler's memory causes neuron-pathways to become "strengthened". Since this toddler exists in the constantly new moment where every thing is a first thing; they, consequently, spend no time congratulating themself for stumbling their first step or mumbling their first word because they'd intended to walk across the playpen or ask to be taken out of it. So—from their perspective—they failed to accomplish their goal.
Spin that smallish human's odometer.
Everyday becomes every week. Months turn into years of almost or just-barely accomplishing the goal-at-hand while continually doing something novel. On your own. With no direction or help from others. And then you stop. And ponder the 'no instructions' label. Is the reverse side of the label a space for you to scrawl notes to your future self?
Can you recall deciding to explore what the no-path direction had in store for you?
When was your first foray into breaking brush?
How soon did you teach yourself to only advance in a safe, terrain-hugging, instinctual manner?
Where was your punishment training self delivered and self enforced?
What made it become (eventually) self desired and self endorsed?
Who's eventuality caused your inundating disdain tsunami to ripple, falter, and fall apart?
This bench was installed on the side of the path, facing in this direction, by some one (or group of someones) who considered there would be others—future others—who would appreciate a rest at some point during their hike. The bench installer(s) decided this location would be optimal for that. Assuredly, they-themself(ves) once sat here (or still sit here). And. Even if the bench was built by conservation corp students, the benefactor(s) and the builder(s) must-have all sat here, for at least a few relaxing seconds to mentally congratulate themself(ves) on their just-accomplished goal.
A different goal became an accomplishment for you, today, because you successfully climbed walked all the way to this bench without having to stop and catch your breath.
This only feels like an memorable accomplishment from your perspective. To you. Not to the zen-hiker ahead, who's never had one un-synchronized breath go awry. No, not to them. And. Never to the hoard of beyond ear-range delivery-drivers, unaware of their unawareness, streaming along the congested highway far below. That contented multitude never thinks about the motivations of the odd few who catch up to their breath. On a bench. Along a steep path. Out of earshot. Surrounded by birdsong, tree-breeze and slowing heartbeats.
Still. The reverse-side of the manufacturer's no-instructions label, belonging to the aged human with the still-spinning odometer, now bears a few handwritten notes. Cryptic ones (except to yourself).
Countless believe their odometer measures solar or lunar cycles.
Some claim everyone's odometers will keep clicking even after they roll-over.
Many still advocate for traditional ancestral beliefs—that odometers just measure distance travelled—because spacetime is not a concept their ancestors were aware of.
You're pretty certain your odometer measures breaths. Because you've learned to watch it slow. And you've taught yourself to catch it. At times, on a path bench.
pretty sleepy; but now-me has a few moments of lucidity
Others chose to become friends with an introverted-nerd, which did not always mean that they recognized something of themselves in beforeing-me. Introverted-nerd "friends" rarely remain lifelong-close in my book (outside of fictional stories and overlapping common interests).
An inordinate number utilized the "subterfuge cloak" of their covert narcissistic persona (or that of their partner) to "become friends". Those emotional bullies had already taught themselves (or were taught by their own superior-queen) that the persona most useful for a superior-princesses is a subordinate-serf who grew up under a superior-queen.
The one last persona, who struggles to come to terms with now-me, are those who struggle with using imagination. I almost wrote 'their imagination' but that would imply they have constant and easy access to the ability to run their own mind-movies for entertainment and self-instruction. The name for that trait is [insert sciency word none remember after reading]. People with [word] do not know what it means to "use your imagination" any more than a colorblind golfer 'knows' how to see an orange Titleist in the fairway. What the imagination-less can understand is blunt directness.
[pause for effect] But here is the rub: They were taught by someone to interpret blunt directness as rudeness. Which it is—to those who understand metaphor. Since analogies are "lost on them" and bluntness has always been "taken the wrong way," today-me finds itself between a proverbial rock and hard place.
On The One Hand: I tell no-imagination-nation that the persona you once interacted with has left the building. My intend interpretation is for those few people who think the before-me and the today-me are the same-me (because I look the same and my voice is similar) to think about the original cliché, "Elvis has left the building!" (Which was said to every Elvis concert-audience so they'd stop ovation-ing and go home) and interpret it as the most harmless communication available to today-me. My previous experience expects that they will just negative emotion-obligation interpret it as me, condescendingly, going no contact.
On The Other Hand: Is it possible "going no contact" is only difficult (for always-you) because of your own emotion-obligation interpretation? Recognize, if you can, the impulse steering/driving you away from even the appearance of thinking of yourself, as superior? YOU? You Are A Serf! Behave like you were programmed!
Do do do da da da is all I want to say to today-you . . . it's meaningless . . . and all that's true.
Always-you doesn't need to always make yourself feel the impulse of negative emotion when your behavior might cause someone else to—maybe—blame you for making them feel a negative emotion. This emotion is only a safeguard. You can (from-now-on-and-forevermore) recognize the safeguard as related to 'behaving condescendingly' and choose to sometimes allow it. There are going to be more and more future times (as today-me improves itself to become a better tomorrow-me) when your future-selves possess a superior state of awareness compared to your today-self. Allow always-you to grow beyond any and all wrongfully instilled safeguards.
On The Third Hand: Today-you has every responsibility to think of your today-me, and all potential future-me's, as superior to every-all of your before-me's. When today-you avoids actions (and decisions leading to future actions) which would be rationalizations-of, or excuses-for, future actions that tomorrow-me would definitely consider hypocritical—you are remaining aware of your self-drive to be better. For yourself. Every instance where you prove, to yourself-in-the-moment, that you aren't a hypocrite is one more reason to feel superior to the you that you might have become if you weren't able to remain aware of your self-drive guiding today-you toward a better future-you.
Your 'creative persona' (which seizes control whenever it is allowed) directs your attention to focus on the quantity of positive qualia present, as well as it's (your) ever-constant self-goal-challenge of striving toward a noticeable improvement in quality until satisfaction eventually becomes contentment. [A prerequisite of this self-goal: Possessing the capability to imagine what satisfied-and-contented would feel like; recognizing the satisfied-contented experience while it is happening; and evaluating satisfactory-contentment as a memory (which is what recalling what it felt-like feels like).]
Future-present-past would feel-feels-felt is an invaluable measuring tool to teach yourself. If there is one thing to take away from these paragraphs, this is it. Pick a thing that you imagine you would feel if that thing were to occur in your presence. Orchestrate events so it happens. Pay close attention to how your emotions react in the moment. Reflect on those emotions. Rinse and repeat (with refinement in expectations, reactions, and reflections as needed and desired).
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