Others chose to become friends with an introverted-nerd, which did not always mean that they recognized something of themselves in beforeing-me. Introverted-nerd "friends" rarely remain lifelong-close in my book (outside of fictional stories and overlapping common interests).
An inordinate number utilized the "subterfuge cloak" of their covert narcissistic persona (or that of their partner) to "become friends". Those emotional bullies had already taught themselves (or were taught by their own superior-queen) that the persona most useful for a superior-princesses is a subordinate-serf who grew up under a superior-queen.
The one last persona, who struggles to come to terms with now-me, are those who struggle with using imagination. I almost wrote 'their imagination' but that would imply they have constant and easy access to the ability to run their own mind-movies for entertainment and self-instruction. The name for that trait is [insert sciency word none remember after reading]. People with [word] do not know what it means to "use your imagination" any more than a colorblind golfer 'knows' how to see an orange Titleist in the fairway. What the imagination-less can understand is blunt directness.
[pause for effect] But here is the rub: They were taught by someone to interpret blunt directness as rudeness. Which it is—to those who understand metaphor. Since analogies are "lost on them" and bluntness has always been "taken the wrong way," today-me finds itself between a proverbial rock and hard place.
On The One Hand: I tell no-imagination-nation that the persona you once interacted with has left the building. My intend interpretation is for those few people who think the before-me and the today-me are the same-me (because I look the same and my voice is similar) to think about the original cliché, "Elvis has left the building!" (Which was said to every Elvis concert-audience so they'd stop ovation-ing and go home) and interpret it as the most harmless communication available to today-me. My previous experience expects that they will just negative emotion-obligation interpret it as me, condescendingly, going no contact.
On The Other Hand: Is it possible "going no contact" is only difficult (for always-you) because of your own emotion-obligation interpretation? Recognize, if you can, the impulse steering/driving you away from even the appearance of thinking of yourself, as superior? YOU? You Are A Serf! Behave like you were programmed!
Do do do da da da is all I want to say to today-you . . . it's meaningless . . . and all that's true.
Always-you doesn't need to always make yourself feel the impulse of negative emotion when your behavior might cause someone else to—maybe—blame you for making them feel a negative emotion. This emotion is only a safeguard. You can (from-now-on-and-forevermore) recognize the safeguard as related to 'behaving condescendingly' and choose to sometimes allow it. There are going to be more and more future times (as today-me improves itself to become a better tomorrow-me) when your future-selves possess a superior state of awareness compared to your today-self. Allow always-you to grow beyond any and all wrongfully instilled safeguards.
On The Third Hand: Today-you has every responsibility to think of your today-me, and all potential future-me's, as superior to every-all of your before-me's. When today-you avoids actions (and decisions leading to future actions) which would be rationalizations-of, or excuses-for, future actions that tomorrow-me would definitely consider hypocritical—you are remaining aware of your self-drive to be better. For yourself. Every instance where you prove, to yourself-in-the-moment, that you aren't a hypocrite is one more reason to feel superior to the you that you might have become if you weren't able to remain aware of your self-drive guiding today-you toward a better future-you.
Your 'creative persona' (which seizes control whenever it is allowed) directs your attention to focus on the quantity of positive qualia present, as well as it's (your) ever-constant self-goal-challenge of striving toward a noticeable improvement in quality until satisfaction eventually becomes contentment. [A prerequisite of this self-goal: Possessing the capability to imagine what satisfied-and-contented would feel like; recognizing the satisfied-contented experience while it is happening; and evaluating satisfactory-contentment as a memory (which is what recalling what it felt-like feels like).]
Future-present-past would feel-feels-felt is an invaluable measuring tool to teach yourself. If there is one thing to take away from these paragraphs, this is it. Pick a thing that you imagine you would feel if that thing were to occur in your presence. Orchestrate events so it happens. Pay close attention to how your emotions react in the moment. Reflect on those emotions. Rinse and repeat (with refinement in expectations, reactions, and reflections as needed and desired).
No comments:
Post a Comment