← the first dozen
← the second dozen
1996 37 Fort Drum, NY - CW2 - first home purchase - two acres, two outbuildings, two-car garage, no landlord, no neighbor noise - discover pleasures and pitfalls of home ownership. Self-sufficient. Knowledgeable. Finally all grown up. Now I'm fully qualified for my "adulting credentials".
Fort Drum, NY - CW2 - sister sues our deceased step-father's estate - half sister is executrix - despicable greed dominates my entire immediate family - rift(s) in family relationships are irrevocably widened - attempt to distance myself. Adrift. Confused. Disdainful. Unaware (eventually, I become aware).
1997 38 Fort Drum, NY - CW2 - observe the northern lights - green or red-tinged green aurora borealis a half-dozen times (distant glow as well as slowly undulating close-up ribbons). Amazed. Serene. Entranced. Lucky.
Stuttgart, Germany - CW2 - temp SAC - conduct preliminary investigation on a recent allegation of a 50-year-old US war-crime (from WWII) - informed US soldiers shot and murdered German POWs (interview two eyewitnesses and a survivor). Disillusioned. Ashamed of previous service members. Embarrassed by my own naïveté.
1998 39 Fort Drum, NY - CW2 - witness a massive meteor storm - cold and mostly cloudy night (about 1am EST) - meteor showers, normally measured in meteors per minute or hour — I witnessed hundreds per second for about 20 minutes (until clouds blocked the sky) - the event was so unknown/unusual I didn't know what I was seeing - call everyone to ask what they see - no mention in local or national news the next day - still no mention of a massive meteor storm in 1998 on the internet - Awestruck. Overwhelmed. Dumbfounded. Wonder if this was an unexpected, once-in-a-hundred-lifetimes-event, hidden from most people who could have seen it by 99% cloud cover.
Fort Drum, NY - CW2 - struggle shiver-slog thru devastating state-wide ice storm - most of northern NY state without electricity for a week (my house for eleven days) - millions of trees broken, thousands of power-lines down, hundreds of blocked roads, damaged windows, burst pipes (wood stove = lifesaver). Stressed. Challenged. Extremely uncomfortable. (Albeit, there was a certain beauty in everything covered in thick ice).
1999 40 Wiesbaden, Germany - CW2 - obtain PADI certification during two-week Jamaica vacation - scuba dive with sting rays - moray eel - catch crabs in make-shift net. Skill-thrilled. Excited. Proud to become a member of an exclusive explorer club.
Wiesbaden, Germany - CW2 - learn I possess 50% of Asperger's Syndrome traits - knowledge of the label is initially very discomfiting - I tell no one. Different. Odd. No longer "just" an uber-introvert. (In 2015 Asperger's is re-labeled part of ASD, but I've gotten comfortable wearing the label for over a decade, so informing others to explain lack of eye contact, hyper-attention to detail, and my disdain for small-talk, just makes things easier.)
2000 41 Wiesbaden, Germany - CW3 - scuba dive vacation - Red Sea, Egypt - sharks, turtle, eel, giant purple-blueish clam, thousands of jelly fish, night-dive, wreck-dive, drift-dive, deep-dive - also visit Caro, Valley of the Kings. Pleased. Excited. Lucky.
Wiesbaden, Germany - CW3 - excruciatingly painful ear infection - no doctors provide sufficient medicine to help (neither local emergency room nor military clinic) - four days of hell - can't get out of bed - infection returns in a month - then one medic (exception proving the rule) gives me a Z-pack - cures it in a day - reconfirm my distrust of doctors. Fear return infection. Angry.
2001 42 Kosovo - CW3 - 30 day vacation in Australia - tree house in rain-forest - outback hike - deep-sea fishing - snorkeling lizard island - scuba live-aboard Coral Sea and GBR - Sydney - Cairns - bat cave - wildfires - cane frogs - fruit bat - deadly plants - feed tree possums! Mind-expanding. Wonderfully entertained. Perfect retirement present to myself. Over-inundated by unique beauty, new information, and first-time experiences.
Kaiserslautern, Germany - CW3 - every aspect of my life for the last six months of my career = worst of entire career: housing (3rd floor stairwell apt) neighbors (rude-noisy) job (paper-pusher) commute (90-minute autobahn one-way) supervisor (dull clock-watcher) office (tightly shared with 3 coworkers) home (tightly shared with unemployed/unhappy wife, divorced step-daughter, and her child) stress (all of the above and 9/11, Afghanistan, Iraq, retirement postponement "stop-loss" possible / retirement planning / vacation planning) creativity (nonexistent). Light at the end of the tunnel kept me sane. Teetering on brink of mental exhaustion. Surrounded by careless-people and people who don't care (there is a difference). Lonely. On edge. Frayed.
2002 43 Prescott, AZ - Retired - nomadic for 6 months - remote camping - camp sites - motels - friends / family - purchase a 5th wheel trailer - explore the sunny SW states of TX, CO, NM, UT, AZ, NV - hike with my cat, Gus. Relaxed. Unfettered. Perfectly retired. Mentally rested. Creativity returning slowly.
Prescott, AZ - Retired - waking-blackout for two hours - consume too much of the wrong-stuff at the worst concert of my life. Sheepish. Foolish. Garrulously stupid.
2003 44 Prescott, AZ - separate and file for divorce - discover (like a color-blind person being handed a pair of enchroma glasses) that I'd become mostly unaware of the extent and depth of my own unhappyness - no longer emphatically absorbing the ever-fluctuating moods of an never-contented spouse. Ecstatic. Never a moment of regret or disappointment.
Phoenix, AZ - new relationship - great company - good communication - move to where she works - willing to keep myself occupied until she's ready to move away from the hot-terrible city. Happy. Cautious (new-relationship training-wheels). Pleased with our joint-luck of finding each other. Wonderfully compatible.
2004 45 Phoenix, AZ - start s n a p p e r h e a d - creative outlet without demands (except those set by myself) - learn HTML - begin digital composite found-art (garage is 120 degrees = too hot to paint). Comfortable. Satisfied. Fully engaged with my imagination. Creative engine revving back to high-speed. Fantastic state of mind.
Phoenix, AZ - flip a car at 60mph during the worse hail storm ever experienced - only actual car accident in my life - one minute everything is fine and the next, I'm upside down in a ditch - unconscious for a couple seconds. Physically injured. Mentally in shock. Emotionally thankful we were not more injured. Traumatized.
2005 46 Phoenix, AZ - week in San Francisco - two weeks in Mexico - constantly creating, learning, exploring, reading and spending whatever time possible with a fantastic bestfriend-girlfriend. Where has this feeling been all my life - shared love between two simpatico close-confidants is unequalled. Amazed.
Phoenix, AZ - Pam undergoes major surgery - multiple teenager problems with law enforcement causes her stress - significant discord with her mother - upheaval at her job. My emotions are (by empathic connection) buzzing. Want to help; helpless when I can't. Confused.
2006 47 Payson, AZ - month of traveling - perfect night (cabin, hot tub, light-bulb chicken, home-made-salad, visiting house cat, canoe on a moonlit lake, stone fireplace) - Saranac Lake, NY. Sated. Calm. Giddy with the perfection of it all.
Payson, AZ - 5th wheel trailer living - cats stressed by too much proximity - her kids uprooted and unhappy with their fathers - her job search's unfruitful - future financial insecurity = stress. Slightly un-creative. Un-moored. Disgruntled. Unable to focus. Supportive.
2007 48 Payson, AZ - sirius radio "chill station" becomes new favorite - in car - in home - outside drawing with antenna headphones - Pam's new travel-work permits me to accompany occasionally. Chilled out. Pleased. Contented.
Payson, AZ - mega-drunk at a party - suspect something more than alcohol was in my glass - emotions racing - unreasonable anger for no reason - terrible things said - unconscionably long and bleary drive afterward - Stupid lucky. Aware every mile I drove that I was never more-eligible for a DUI (or a hearse) in my life. Angry at myself for being aware that I was behaving so reckless as I was driving as well as after. My rare "that's not who I am" event; a self-embarrassing event I don't like to recall. This is my answer when asked, in a party-game, for a "worst regret" — I'd return in a time-machine and tell myself not to drink at this party (especially not from the open jagermeister in the freezer).
the fifth dozen (coming soon?)
Fort Drum, NY - CW2 - sister sues our deceased step-father's estate - half sister is executrix - despicable greed dominates my entire immediate family - rift(s) in family relationships are irrevocably widened - attempt to distance myself. Adrift. Confused. Disdainful. Unaware (eventually, I become aware).
Stuttgart, Germany - CW2 - temp SAC - conduct preliminary investigation on a recent allegation of a 50-year-old US war-crime (from WWII) - informed US soldiers shot and murdered German POWs (interview two eyewitnesses and a survivor). Disillusioned. Ashamed of previous service members. Embarrassed by my own naïveté.
Fort Drum, NY - CW2 - struggle shiver-slog thru devastating state-wide ice storm - most of northern NY state without electricity for a week (my house for eleven days) - millions of trees broken, thousands of power-lines down, hundreds of blocked roads, damaged windows, burst pipes (wood stove = lifesaver). Stressed. Challenged. Extremely uncomfortable. (Albeit, there was a certain beauty in everything covered in thick ice).
Wiesbaden, Germany - CW2 - learn I possess 50% of Asperger's Syndrome traits - knowledge of the label is initially very discomfiting - I tell no one. Different. Odd. No longer "just" an uber-introvert. (In 2015 Asperger's is re-labeled part of ASD, but I've gotten comfortable wearing the label for over a decade, so informing others to explain lack of eye contact, hyper-attention to detail, and my disdain for small-talk, just makes things easier.)
Wiesbaden, Germany - CW3 - excruciatingly painful ear infection - no doctors provide sufficient medicine to help (neither local emergency room nor military clinic) - four days of hell - can't get out of bed - infection returns in a month - then one medic (exception proving the rule) gives me a Z-pack - cures it in a day - reconfirm my distrust of doctors. Fear return infection. Angry.
Kaiserslautern, Germany - CW3 - every aspect of my life for the last six months of my career = worst of entire career: housing (3rd floor stairwell apt) neighbors (rude-noisy) job (paper-pusher) commute (90-minute autobahn one-way) supervisor (dull clock-watcher) office (tightly shared with 3 coworkers) home (tightly shared with unemployed/unhappy wife, divorced step-daughter, and her child) stress (all of the above and 9/11, Afghanistan, Iraq, retirement postponement "stop-loss" possible / retirement planning / vacation planning) creativity (nonexistent). Light at the end of the tunnel kept me sane. Teetering on brink of mental exhaustion. Surrounded by careless-people and people who don't care (there is a difference). Lonely. On edge. Frayed.
Prescott, AZ - Retired - waking-blackout for two hours - consume too much of the wrong-stuff at the worst concert of my life. Sheepish. Foolish. Garrulously stupid.
Phoenix, AZ - new relationship - great company - good communication - move to where she works - willing to keep myself occupied until she's ready to move away from the hot-terrible city. Happy. Cautious (new-relationship training-wheels). Pleased with our joint-luck of finding each other. Wonderfully compatible.
Phoenix, AZ - flip a car at 60mph during the worse hail storm ever experienced - only actual car accident in my life - one minute everything is fine and the next, I'm upside down in a ditch - unconscious for a couple seconds. Physically injured. Mentally in shock. Emotionally thankful we were not more injured. Traumatized.
Phoenix, AZ - Pam undergoes major surgery - multiple teenager problems with law enforcement causes her stress - significant discord with her mother - upheaval at her job. My emotions are (by empathic connection) buzzing. Want to help; helpless when I can't. Confused.
Payson, AZ - 5th wheel trailer living - cats stressed by too much proximity - her kids uprooted and unhappy with their fathers - her job search's unfruitful - future financial insecurity = stress. Slightly un-creative. Un-moored. Disgruntled. Unable to focus. Supportive.
Payson, AZ - mega-drunk at a party - suspect something more than alcohol was in my glass - emotions racing - unreasonable anger for no reason - terrible things said - unconscionably long and bleary drive afterward - Stupid lucky. Aware every mile I drove that I was never more-eligible for a DUI (or a hearse) in my life. Angry at myself for being aware that I was behaving so reckless as I was driving as well as after. My rare "that's not who I am" event; a self-embarrassing event I don't like to recall. This is my answer when asked, in a party-game, for a "worst regret" — I'd return in a time-machine and tell myself not to drink at this party (especially not from the open jagermeister in the freezer).
the fifth dozen (coming soon?)
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