The Next 25 Years

          As I type, my first thought is Oh what a wonderful exercise in futility.  Immediately followed by the idea that I'm more interested in my ability to refer back to this article, and see what now-me-at-53 was focused on in the autumn of 13.0.0.0.0 (which is 2012 for those not on the Myan long count calendar) than accurate or inaccurate predictions.

          I'm, currently, entering old-age.

          Everyone ages at a different rate.  For my mind and body, I was a child until I completely stood up to my parents; a young adult until I took total responsibility for myself (and got my first divorce); and I fully entered middle age when I retired from the military ten years ago.  Today, aches and pains combined with a decrease in gumption (hard to believe I'm more lazy than ever) marks the cusp of my winter years.  Only hindsight can confirm that prediction, because I might have an Indian Summer just over the horizon.

          I think the following things will happen over the next twenty five years:

• President Obama is re-elected. [✓ 6 Nov 12]
• Obamacare is re-vamped to include government single-payer option.
• Erratic weather/earthquakes around the globe intensify.  A catastrophe for some, a boon for others. 
• Droughts and fracking causes ranches/farms in the US Midwest to become uninhabitable.
• A population paradigm shift occurs in many parts of the world.
• The US elects a woman president. 
• The Internet replaces all current TV and film entertainment formats.
• Everything is streamed and downloaded instantaneously and in HD-quality.
• Paper books, magazines, and newspapers are obsolete.    
• The global recession becomes a planet-wide depression.  [ ? 2020?]
• A large-scale war erupts involving many of the "major" governments.
• Nuclear weaponry is used.
• Same-sex marriage in the US becomes federal law.
• A manned habitat is begun on Mars.
• Apophis does not crash into Earth.
• A viral pandemic kills tens of millions. [✓ 2020 - ?]
• International travel is suspended for an extensive period.
• Cannabis is legalized in the US.
• Intelligent non-human extra-terrestrial life is identified. 
• Korea is unified. 
• Cost to mail a first class letter in the US tops one dollar.
• US minimum wage reaches $20 an hour.
• Massive "employee" shift occurs (from: full-time staff members; to: self-employed contractors).
• Roads become predominantly filled with battery powered cars.
• The US gas price tops $15.00/gallon. 

          On a personal note, I don't live to see 2037 (and will be amazed if I collect one Social Security check...which is still a viable program in 12 and a half years, it's just that I'm probably not around to collect).  I hope I marry the love of my life, Pamela The Pure (she hates that moniker) [✓ 1 Nov 2014].  I will eventually drive a Smartcar [✓ June 2014]. 

POV

click and drag by xkcd

          This should have been titled click and drag until your fingers bleed.  The bottom panel is massive.  It could take over an hour to read all the blurbs.  I especially enjoy the yellow warbler floating jellyfish and the caption from the woman climbing in the schooner's rigging.  Go look for yourself.

IrReSponsible

17 April:  I mail six income tax returns (federal and state for: me, her, and our LLC).

29 June:  My refund arrives.

11 July:  Her refund arrives.

2 August:  We receive a letter from the IRS explaining that our LLC return was not mailed on time and, consequently, we owe $195.00 per person/per late month/plus interest (which, the letter alleges, equals $1,695.00).

3 August:  I surmise our LLC's tax return got delayed in the mail and try to do the math but nomatterwhat I fail to reverse-compute the numbers.  Our LLC's total income for 2011 was $3,950.00.  I can't figure out how we could owe more than half the money we made.  No...the comma isn't in the wrong place; we grossed slightly less than four thousand dollars last year.

6 August:  I learn that LLC late penalty fines are legally this exorbitant.  Because of the intrinsic workings of partnership LLC's (normally they report no income because profits are divided by the partners who report the income on their individual tax returns) the IRS can't penalize LLC's like other companies and individuals (levy late penalties based on amount owed plus interest).

7 August:  Long phone call with IRS.
          "Our documentation shows your LLC did not file its tax return on time."
          "The tax return was mailed at the same time as our personal ones, was the LLC tax return due prior to April 17th?"
          "It was due on April 15th.  Our records show it wasn't posted by that date."
          "I was given to understand by the IRS website as well as most major news outlets that the due date was actually April 17th this year, bec..."
          "All tax returns are due on April 15th.  We show yours wasn't posted on that date."
          "Because that was a Sunday.  I mailed it on April 17th.  Which I believe was the due date."
          "Our records show it wasn't posted on time."
          "OK.  Wow.  I guess I need to come at this from a different perspective.  What's the postmarked date on the envelope?"
          (pause)
          "On my LLC's tax... er... which contained my LLC's tax return?"
          (pause)
          "Hello?  Ma'am?"
          "If you desire to refute the amount you owe, late fees, and/or interest due, the IRS has sixty days to locate any and all pertinent documents.  However, interest and penalty months will continue to accrue during this period.  If you pay the amount due, by credit card, at this time, and it's later determined any or all of the amount wasn't due, it'll be refunded."
          "You don't have the envelope in front of you?"
          (pause)
          "At this time?"
          (pause)
          "the IRS has sixty days to.."
          "I feel like I'm talking to a computer.  Are you a computer?"
          "No sir.  I'm explaining how to stop the aforementioned penalties from continuing to accrue."
          "If you're a computer and I ask if you are a computer, you're legally required to say yes."
          "That's very funny, sir.  You can mail a check.  Upon receipt, the penalties would..."   
          "I don't believe I owe penalties, fines, or interest.  I mailed the tax return on time."
          "In that case, you are refuting the..."
          "Yes.  Please.  I'm refuting."
          "And you're not interested in paying the..."
          "No.  Thank you.  Not interested in that."
          "And you understand about the interest and penalties continuing during the..."
          "Yup.  Completely understand."
          "Very good.  Thank you, sir.  You will hear from the IRS by US mail no later than sixty days from today's date after a full examina..."
          "Which is what?"
          "Excuse me, sir?"
          "Today's date.  What is it?"
          (pause)
          "You said From Today's Date and I was wondering what today's date was."
          (pause)
          "So I could compute when the sixty days would be up."
          "The seventh of August is today's date."
          "Thank you."
          "Is there anything else I can help you with today?"
          "Are those sixty days, calendar days or business days?"
          "Ummm.  Days.  Calendar days."
          "Thanks."

          I'm still not sure if I spoke with a person or a computer at the IRS call center.  She said ummm there at the end, which could have been programmed faux-humanity, but I think she was just a lackey reading from a script who was already mentally hanging up and forgot to hit the mute button when I asked one more parting question.

          We got a letter in the US mail today from the Internal Revenue Service.

          ...After a review of your LLC's tax documents and related paperwork it was determined your tax return was posted on time.  All previously levied fines, penalties, and interest amounts have been rescinded...

          I should feel relieved.  I don't.  I am confused...about the whole thing.  Was it a scam?  A IRS-run old-school come-along?  Hummm.

Rape Revenge

“A Spanish mother has taken revenge on the man who raped her 13-year-old daughter at knifepoint by dousing him in petrol and setting him alight.  He died of his injuries in hospital on Friday.

“…he passed his victim’s mother in the street and allegedly taunted her about the attack.  He is said to have called out 'How’s your daughter?' before heading into a crowded bar.

“Shortly after, the woman walked into the bar, poured a bottle of petrol over him and lit a match.  She watched as the flames engulfed him, before walking out.

“The woman fled to Alicante, where she was arrested the same evening.  When she appeared in court the next day in the town of Orihuela, she was cheered and clapped by a crowd who shouted 'Bravo!' and 'Well done!'”

          I dunno man, I’m not a doctor, but from what I understand if it’s a legitimate fire the body has ways of shutting that whole thing down.

          Re-blogged from too many people to backtrack (and I refuse to paste those ridiculous multiple-vertical-leftside-line-attribution things).  If you happen to be the originator of this twist on Paul Akin's quote, tell me, I'll give you credit (like that'll happen).

Among Others by Jo Walton (☆☆☆+)

          I enjoyed this book about a child of the 1970's who loves to read SF and chronicles in her diary all she does and says for about a year, which includes all the books she reads (the novel contains hundreds of book titles).  Anyone who has read any SF in the last four decades will probably agree with most of the titles which the main character author loves/dislikes, and may even expand their 'find and read' list.

          The biggest reason this book won the 2012 Nebula and Hugo awards was because it was constructed to speak directly to the judges (SF and Fantasy writers and avid fan-readers) all of whom connect with the main character because she "thinks like they did/do" when it comes to books in general and, specifically, Speculative Fiction.

          Among Others is not an epic tale; it's a nice story.  It's not amazingly-wonderfully crafted; but it has no flaws.  It does not grasp the pit of your stomach and spin it with gusto...or even without gusto; while it does encourage the reader to suspend his belief and enjoy the ride.   It—most importantly—is not a I-can't-put-it-down book.  What it has is an interesting spin on the magic-is-real plot line.

          It gets my 3-star-forgettable rating for trying so miserably hard to depict late-70's England/Wales that it loses every bit of suspense and tension when every action a character might take, or sentence a character might utter, was run through a would-that-really-happen filter before it hit the page.  I'm willing to bump it to 3-star-plus because it lists titles which I'll put on my 'to read' list.

          It didn't deserve the Nebula.  Or the Hugo.

          Patrick Rothfuss's The Wise Man's Fear deserved that honor (but wasn't nominated).  I suspect there are huge machinations going on behind the SFWA and WSFS scenes that continually prevent the best of the best from ever being nominated.  For all I know, Rothfuss didn't even want to be nominated.

          It is probably just like presidential nominations.  Was John Kerry the best Democrat of all the Democrats who could have beat G.W. Bush in 2004?   Is Mitt Romney really the best Republican of all the Republicans to challenge Obama this year?  Obviously there's more going on behind the curtain than we know about.

3+/- rating explained 
Rothfuss Review

snapshaught sphoto number 12

          Last week's (Aug 2012) Rodger Hodgson concert caused me to recall the circumstances surrounding my purchase of this rather ordinary white agate 1⅚" (48mm) sphere.

          In 1994, I read in a French magazine about an upcoming Alan Parsons Project concert in Freiburg, Germany, which was about a four hour drive from where I lived in Mons, Belgium.  I purchased tickets over the telephone from a woman who understood and spoke very little English (the European equivalent of Ticketmaster).  When they arrived in the mail the tickets were printed in German.

          On the day of the concert, I leisurely drove to the quaint city of Freiburg on the edge of the Black Forest with many hours to spare in order to be able to explore the city during daylight.  Upon arrival, it was immediately clear that there was no concert scheduled in the city's concert hall.  A local Freiburg citizen explained that although the word Freiburg was on the tickets, the rest of the information indicated the actual location of the concert was in Friedburg, Germany (oh, that pesky little missing 'd' meant I was, now, at least three hours away).

          With more than five hours before the concert was scheduled to begin, I headed north.  First it began to rain.  Then the traffic went from bad to worse.  And then it got dark.

          The next three hours and forty five minutes are blur-burned in my memory under a deeply carved label:  stupidest/most risky.  I foolishly drove beyond my brake's abilities, beyond the limits of my tires, faster than my high-beams could illuminate...and, occasionally, faster than my wipers (on their fastest setting) were able to clear the windshield.  In other words, I reached speeds in excess of 120 mph (200 kpm) and sometimes hydroplaned in the express lane of the German autobahn around Frankfurt, while high-beam flashing and passing hundreds of slower moving cars...in the dark.

          I arrived on time.  A little early even.  No problems (except for the tiring aftereffects of a huge amount of adrenaline).  Not even any close calls (which is less the result of my abilities and more because of luck—all it would have taken is a mechanical failure or one driver not using his side mirror and cutting in front of me).

          There was a very sparse crowd around the concert hall.  A Friedburg citizen said they heard the concert was cancelled but they were staying until they got an official word.

          I counted umbrellas:  less than two hundred.

          Glanced around the venue's exterior:  it would probably hold three thousand or more.  There were no buses or equipment trucks.  There were no lights on inside.

          I returned to the Friedburg citizen and asked if he could recommend a good local Gasthäus.  He did.  I got a room, a schnitzel, and many, too many, beers.

          The next day I found this sphere in a local store.

          I was unhappy with The Alan Parsons Project and avoided their concerts for several years.  Later I learned that Eric Woolfson wasn't the lead singer at any of their 1994 concerts, so I was less upset.  I saw them in Rochester, New York, as the opening act for Yes in 1998 with Eric Woolfson (which made that my lifetime-favorite concert).

Note:  The correlation between Rodger Hodgson (former lead singer of Supertramp) and The Alan Parsons Project was only made because I lump them together in time:  I consider them both progressive-rock favorites of mine from the late 1970s.

similar essays:

Sphere Series (ongoing)

Sunscreen and Insect Repellent Towelette

          Filed under:  Amazing, Highly Recommended, as well as Where has this been hiding all my life?

          I had occasion to use a SMARTSHIELD towelette yesterday.   We drove out to the forest to do some hiking, picnicking, birdwatching, and reading.

          (Why is that 'k' required when picnic is a verb?  It hurts my brain.  I'm going with picnicing from now on.)

          Since both the sun and mosquitoes were out in full force, we each used a combination sunscreen and insect repellent towelette.  I covered all my exposed skin.  Two hours of sun resulted in only a slight pink, so I would say the SPF30 worked.  Five mosquitoes successfully bit my back through my sweat-soaked shirt where I'd not wiped (and never thought to).  Not so great for my back, but it helped to prove the insect repellent was effective.

          Insect repellent:  cedarwood bark oil and lemongrass oil.  No DEET.

          Sunscreen:  2% avobenzone, 7.5% octinoxate, 5% octisalate, 1.4% octocrylene, .8% padimate (I know nothing about any of these chemicals, except that they prevented sunburn on my sun deprived derma).

          Also contains:  alcohol, aloe leaf extract, lavender oil, macadamia seed oil, wheat germ oil, linseed oil, and camphor oil.

snapshaught sphoto number 11

          How can one count the ways?

          To describe the woman whom I love, I could draw, paint, or take a photo of her...but I want more than to capture the moment.  I might abstract the artwork (as I did for myself) or even write a poem, but she connects better with the tangible and literal.

 

          I bought this 1¾ inch (47mm) multicromatic glass marble in 2003 when my relationship with Pam was in its embryonic days.

          We exchanged emails for about ten days and then phone calls and emails for another two weeks before agreeing to meet.  It was nice to get all our landmines and deal-breakers out of the way utilizing several modern marvels (today it's possible to never learn too late that you would've had a chance if you'd only known open-toed-shoes were a deal-breaker before meeting for coffee wearing Birkenstocks).

          One of the reasons our relationship is still vibrant and under full sail (I do love to mix my metaphors) is that when I bought this sphere, both of us were sufficiently aware of ourselves to not only be able to recognize our own landmines but to be truthful about them; ditto with our deal-breakers.

          Email just made it easier to write my biggest deal breaker is smoking (of any kind) and one of my big landmines:  I'm a voluntarily unemployed artist living in a mobile home on a pension.

          Maybe that was actually four (or five?) landmines in one.

          So we spent almost a month probing and divulging.

          And then we decided it was time to find out if the other kissed good enough; if we enjoyed similar levels of intimacy as well as the same type of fucking; and determine if we might-could become simpatico with things like the other's snoring, farts, and idiosyncrasies.

          ADDENDUM:  Obviously, I began with a plan to describe Pam, the person I'm in love with (and maybe include some of the why I love her) but that became derailed by the sphere itself, and the memories it holds.  Which is the whole reason I'm writing about some of my spheres.  So I left it as is.

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Rodger Hodgson Concert

          In my teens and twenties I was impressed by many musicians but only a small number became indelibly stamped in my brain-pan...affecting who I was, and was to become, with their artistry.  Tonight I (finally) got to see a concert by one of the last holdouts:  Rodger Hodgson.

          The three bands at the top of the heap were Yes, The Alan Parsons Project, and Supertramp.  Then there were the remainder of the top five:  Fleetwood Mac and Emerson, Lake, & Palmer.

          I've seen Yes three times (76, 98, 01) and was fortunate enough to see the band with the Anderson-Howe-Wakeman lineup (remove any one of them and it isn't my Yes).  In 98 I saw the only true The Alan Parsons Project (with Eric Woolfson).  And since Supertramp actually means the songs and voice of Rodger Hodgson...I've now seen all of my indelibly stamped top five*.

          * I saw ELP in 78 and ⅚th's of Fleetwood Mac in 94 (there should be more than ⅙th of a reduction for the loss of Stevie Nicks, there really should).

snapshaught sphoto number 10

          When my grandmother (whom I called Nana and have written about before) lived in New Hampshire, I found this almost two inch glass marble in an antique store in Keene, NH.  I purchased it in 1993 and was told it was about 90 years old.  It isn't a perfect sphere because the chips and scratches were buff-polished away by a previous owner (which significantly lowered its value and its purchase price).

          I have no negative memories affiliated with my Nana (Rebecca "Anne" Bullard nee Walker).

          For three and a half decades—from my earliest memories of moving into her house in the early-1960's until the mid-1990's when Alzheimer's turned her into a pod person and she became lost to everyone including herself—she was wonderful.  To me.

          She may have been a royal bitch to her husband, siblings, and extended family, a harridan to her children and other grandchildren, and a spiteful shrew to neighbors and others (which I occasionally witnessed or learned about afterward) but, when I was around, she was always in a fantastic mood.

          Every person I have ever known has a wonky day once in a while, or gets more than a little grumpy for a few days every month, or acts like a high-functioning petulant cunt most of the time, but I've only known two people who always have a smile to share.  Nana was one (albeit only when I was around) and the other is my partner, Pam.

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snapshaught sphoto number 9

          The word bad in Bad Kreuznach, Germany, refers to the Dutch word for bath because the city was once renowned for its bathhouse.  Because of my experiences there—for me—the English definition of the word is more apropos.    

          When I first visited the city in 1993 I was performing a protective service mission (at that time, I was a protective services agent for the NATO Commander).  Oddly, I found this 1⅞ inch (48mm) limestone sphere and its too-large-cup-stand at a local Italian restaurant where I ate dinner.  For two days I worked with SA Nwtptg (name withheld to protect the guilty) from the two-man Bad Kreuznach CID office.  He always referred to the city by its initials, so I—also—began doing so.

          Six years and two assignments later, I took over the Wiesbaden, Germany, CID office and learned the BK office was now subordinate to me.  Oddly, SA Nwtptg was still there.  I quickly learned he was unable to perform the most common tasks (report writing, investigative note taking, collection of evidence, etc.) without constant oversight and guidance.  I documented his failings, but as is normal (not just in the US military, everywhere) he was promoted and assigned to a larger office, where he assaulted a suspect, lied to an internal affairs investigator and coerced a witness to lie for him (resulting in his extreme reduction in rank—from officer to enlisted—and removal from CID).

          I investigated numerous grisly traffic fatalities on the road between Wiesbaden and BK because several drivers took their eyes off the road to change their radio or CD; I got the biggest ass-chewing in my career (from a two-star general, the 8th Inf Div CG) because of the unprofessional actions of another subordinate assigned to the BK office; and the German civilian "translator" at the BK CID office was the highest-paid, most-worthless person I ever had the misfortune to share a room with (I'd write supervise, but she never worked...all she did was read books).  I attempted to terminate her employment and discovered it wasn't possible.  In fact, the opposite was true—authorizing an annual bonus was mandatory even though she performed no assigned duties, ever.

          Not every sphere reminds me of good places, people or times; this one elicits nothing but bad memories.  I guess that's not completely true—the lasagna at the Italian restaurant was pretty good and I am still good friends with a couple who lived in BK before they moved to Wiesbaden.

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Death Trap - Taste of Future by Böris Dorning

snapshaught sphoto number 8

          I already wrote a snippet about my Crater Lake visit in 2009, which is when I bought this grey agate sphere.  I found in on the way to the crater in Eagle Point, Oregon, after we left The Oregon Vortex and House of Mystery.

          When one has as many spheres as I, it can be difficult to find a unique one which conforms to my parameters:

• Between 1½ and 2¼ inches (40 - 55mm) in diameter.  Golf ball to billiards ball...not much larger.
• One piece.
• No intentional flat portion (they all have some form of a stand).
• Reasonable price (relative to my budget).

          I've gone on many trips and come home without a sphere.  And not always because there weren't any for sale, sometimes every sphere I found was a duplicate of one I already had.

          I don't love this design/color; it's forgettable.  But I had no grey-streaked agate before this...and besides...the weather was rather grey that trip (except for a bit of sun at Crater Lake, but not much).

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Top Five Posts (determined by page view) — let the avalanche begin

          There is a theory that when views are tallied by most favorited or most viewed (as they are on many shopping, video, art, porn, movie, and book sites...and now here at snapperhead) the self-fulfilling prophesy factor snowballs.  The more people search for (or look at) what has previously been searched for (or looked at) the more...well...you get the picture.  Eventually, the numbers avalanche.  "Hey this U-Tube video has 54 million views—it must be phantasmagorically interesting."  NOOOope.

          After about seven years, these are the five posts which have been viewed more than all the rest.

          Story: 

            In 2009 I wrote the short story Life Mission: Possible about signposts and totems, which have been and continue to be prevalent in my life—and those of many others.  I suspect it's my most read story not because it humorously tracks my televisions, pets, relationships, and microwaves but because people are keyword searching Mission Impossible and get snagged by the pictures.  Or maybe by the writing.  Nah.  

          Novel:

           I read this shitty book, Earth Abides, in 2005.  My review, Counterfeit Paper: A Valuable Teaching Tool, was posted here as well as on Goodreads (where it's been read and 'liked' by more than my others).  Upon re-reading it today I still agree with seven year ago self.  Good job me.

          Art:  

           I created the digital rendering pareidolia-apophenia in 2009.  It's also on deviantart where it's received ten times more views than the average of all my other art.  I don't know why.  Maybe the title is catchy.  I like the title.  Aesthetically, however, I don't like it.  But that's just me.  500 others have a different opinion (or one dingleberry views it every day).  

          Personal Perspective:

           My article Kirby Archer: an infamous friend is potent bait.  It draws in those who are curious about true crime and I can't fault anyone drawn to the morbid.  It's not only my most viewed, but also my most commented post.  Everyone who thought they knew him, once heard about him, worked with him, crossed his path, or watched a sketchy splash-bio on TV about his crime spree (and wants to know more) eventually lands on this article.

          Comic Strip:

           The attraction of the cartoon Anatomical Doll - strip, which I made from a photo scramped from Davecat, can only be attributed to the misleadingly factual titular words.

           While compiling these most-viewed posts, I realized that every one of them contains a punctuation mark.  A correlation, obviously, but could it also be causation?   Hmmm.

snapshaught sphoto number 7

          My retirement present to myself in 2001 was a month in Australia.  I found this 1¾" (47mm) sphere in a store called The Crystal Caves in Atherton, Queensland, while staying nearby (in an amazing treehouse).  Prior to that I visited/stayed at the lava caves in the outback.  The following week I was scuba diving from a live-aboard in the Coral Sea and Great Barrier Reef.  The vacation also included stays in Sydney and Cairns; deep sea fishing from Port Douglas; a day-trip to Lizard Island for snorkeling...too many to recount once-in-a-lifetime events.  

          I like spheres which are composed of a visually interesting mix of minerals or types of rock.  This one is a combination of Australian jade and either quartz or calcite.  When turned just-so the light refracts through the crystal, bounces off and magnifies the interior side of the jade (rust-brown to green) and looks just like a tiny bit of ocean bottom through a SCUBA mask.

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snapshaught sphoto number 6

          This glass marble reminds me of my stepfather.

          My first memory of him:  He was dating my mother.  I was seven.  We were all "going out" as a family to an event (I vaguely remember The Ice Capades but that may have been a different night) I think it was a celebration because I recall all the adults...her, him, Nana, and Papa...were happy and full of loud smiles.  He asked if I'd help him get a tool box from his backseat.

          I accompanied him out to his sky blue 1964 Lincoln Continental in the driveway, he opened the backdoor, and I commented that it was backward.  He laughed and said it was a suicide door...no further explanation.  I'm seven.  Why's it called that?  Because it's backwards.  I didn't think to myself at this point:  Oh boy, living the rest of my childhood with this motherfucker is going to be a real treat if he thinks that's an explanation.  But I did the third-grader's equivalent (shoulder shrug or eye-roll or head shake) and thought "adults sure are stupid".

          Seeing the size of the metal box, painted the same color as the car, I thought he was testing me to either see how strong I was or to see how willing I was to try to pick up something I knew I couldn't lift.  I couldn't tell which test it was by his smile, so I went along with it...grabbed the handle, gave it a tug (it didn't budge) and then watched as he oompfed and grunted it into the house.  It was filled with his coin collection...and probably weighed as much me.

 

          In 1995 he died of heart disease complicated by diabetes and exacerbated by being an obstinate asshole.  I've written about my stepdad before.  Because he was divorced from my mother, after his funeral I took a month off from my military duties, slept in his house, and spent hundreds of hours sorting through and throwing away decades of junk, files, and papers (he wasn't a full-blown hoarder but he kept unnecessary things...like thirty years of credit card receipts).

          This 1¾" (46mm) marble was on a shelf in his bedroom surrounded by other knick-knacks...my last memory of him.

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STRANGE WORLD

visit STRANGE WORLD blog

snapshaught sphoto number 5

          I lived in Mons, Belgium 1993-95.  Summer weather permitting, I occasionally drove west about ninety miles to one of the beaches near Oostend (which I thought at the time was another everything-is-backward-in-French thing, today I read on everyone's favorite chalkboard that there's a historical reason why the farthest western city is named Eastend).

          After a long beach afternoon in 1994, I and my wife-at-the-time had a very nice dinner and stayed in a bed and breakfast in nearby Bruges.  The next morning I rescued this from a flea market vendor who was intending to cut it in half.

          He was running a geode grab-bag: select from a huge pile of over three hundred various shapes and sizes, pay for it, and then he'd halve and polish the halves.  No guarantees that your geode would contain a druzy cavity.  On display were precut and polished halves with beautiful crystals lining the inside pockets (priced double to 20X more than the uncut, rough geodes).

          Although there is a slight score mark on this 2 inch (53mm) geode, it's as perfectly spherical as a naturally formed rock could be.

          The Flemish vendor (who spoke no English) seemed quizzical (het inclusief!) and became rather flabbergasted when I didn't want to take advantage of his saw and grindstone services and couldn't explain myself other than to smile and repeat, dit is goad, as I nodded and walked away.

similar essays:

Sphere Series (ongoing)

snapshaught sphoto number 4

          Last April we stayed in a yurt (because we'd never done it before).  Two mid-week nights were available the following week, so we decided the weather was nice enough and made the reservation (we aren't dedicated foolish enough to lock-in anything over a year in the future...so yurt camping in the Summer or on a weekend would never happen).

          As we headed to Fort Stevens State Park, the weather was normal for Oregon in April: partly cloudy and cool.  We stopped in Astoria, Oregon, to eat and I found this sphere in a second-hand shop.  Slightly larger than 2" (52mm), this hand-blown glass float most-probably was attached to a Japanese fisherman's net a half-century or more ago.

          As it got dark it began to snow.  By the next morning many of the high-passes were closed even though only about two or three inches accumulated on the beach.  We drove the ice and snow covered sand, explored local eateries, and kept as warm as anyone could when camping in below freezing weather.

          Although the yurt had a built-in space heater it also had edge flaps which were laced and tied-down.  One cancelled out the other.  Depending on the strength of the wind blowing through the cracks, the interior temperature fluctuated between 45° and 55° (7-13°C).

similar essays:

Sphere Series (ongoing)

snapshaught sphoto number 3

          One of my spheres was a gift from my fiancée in 2010.  In 2008 we noticed a 2" (50mm) ivory billiard ball in an antique store near McMinnville, Oregon.  I was ambivalent about ivory.  After some weeks of thought and discussion, I realized buying antique ivory would no more incentivize the present and future slaughter of large mammals than would watching 1984-Traci-Lords-porn jeopardize the innocence* of today and tomorrow's sixteen-year-olds.  So I decided that if I ever ran across another antique snooker ball, I'd buy it.

          Two years later, my fiancée was traveling home after a week of working-on-the-road and I was sitting in our living room gazing at my collection.  I thought about the routes she could travel, realized she might be driving through McMinnville, and called her.

          'Hiya'
          'Hi, I was just wondering if you were driving back through the McMinnville area.'
          'Yup, why?'
          'Do you remember that antique mall we visited a few years ago?'
          'uuuuum yeaah?'
          'Well I thought that if they were still open when you got there, could you do me a favor and see if they still have that ivory sphere?  I know it's a long shot...'
          'THAT is so weird, I've got goose bumps.'
          'Huh?  What is?'
          'Do you know where I am right now?'
          'Oh wow.'
          'There goes my surprise.  I'm standing at the check-out counter with it in my hand.  You know it's got a couple cracks, right?'
          'Yea, that's OK.  What made you think to stop?'
          'I was driving past and just remembered talking about it years ago.'
          'Is the din-din din-din Twilight Zone music as loud on your end as it is on mine?'
          'I can hear it much too loudly and waaay too clearly.'

* A once very common quality (even ubiquitous in some parts of society) which, although not yet extinct, is narwhal-rare.  Or is that attitude just the cranky old duffer in me coming out?

similar essays:

Sphere Series (ongoing)

snapshaught sphoto number 2

          On my first vacation to Negril, Jamaica, I commissioned this sphere to be made from local ironwood.  I located an artist who understood only a little English but eagerly agreed to interrupt his current carving to make a sphere (which I described).  When I returned two days later, he presented me with a golf ball...the entire surface crammed with hand carved dimples.  I promptly paid for it without argument (my cats enjoy it...and it's probably under one of my chairs or couch at this very moment).  Then I commissioned another (for the same price) only, this time, would he be so kind as to make it smooth?  Yes, of course; respect mon.  And could he make it slightly larger?  Just a little larger?  Irie...two more days.

          It is smooth and it is ever-so-slightly larger (it's close to 1½ inches, 40mm).  It also has a hand-crafted look because it is almost but not quite a perfect sphere.

          Every time I look at it I think about pumpkin soup at a West End restaurant overlooking the cliffs, walking the beach drinking just-squoze orange juice from a recycled whiskey bottle with little shards of ice still floating in it; golfing at the Negril Hills (with a caddy who sprinted off as soon as I hit in order to locate the ball...what a way to earn a tip); sunburn removing beach massage with the goop squished fresh from Aloe Vera leaves; obtaining my SCUBA certification (with stingrays!); Orange Bay; catching crabs and lobsters from a pier using a net-shrift and some twine, and a private concert by Brushy One String.

           All these memories are completely intertwined from my 1997 and 1999 trips; only with concentration can I pick the them apart.

similar essays:

Sphere Series (ongoing)

snapshaught sphoto number 1

          I've been asked why there aren't more snapperhead pics of cats, myself, loved ones, Portland locales, or locals even (whenever I end a sentence like that, my inner ear hears the voice of Snagglepuss).   My tweet-able response (by which I mean, Mom, 140 characters or less) has always been:  When I rely on my eyes and brain my memories are strengthened.  Camera = crutch.  Carrying a camera weakens my experience.
       
          Along the same vain:  Van Gogh is attributed with saying that it isn't the language of painters but the language of nature which one should listen to.  The feeling for the things themselves—for reality—is more important than the feeling for pictures.  And I do soverymuchespecially love finding a quote by someone I admire which parallels my own thoughts on a subject.

          However, I do have a collection of items, like snapshots, which act as memory-stimuli, even though they aren't snapshots for anyone else but me.

          Here is the first one I collected:

          You see a polished sphere, about two inches (47mm) in diameter, made from veined red jasper sitting in a curved malachite dish.  I see Moab, Utah, 1990.

          Obtained at the end of a vacation from the Moab Rock Shop, it reflects all the elements of those two weeks:  Sitting up at night on the rim of a canyon watching a brilliant, close-falling, meteorite; tent camping in Canyonlands; hiking in Arches; trekking the length of Shafer Canyon Road from Dead Horse Point State Park to Devils Garden Campground (before it became easily accessible for two-wheel drive vehicles) in a front wheel drive Oldsmobile.

          Here's the most unique thing about this type of memory trinket:  overlaid and conjoined with that trip is my first visit, thirteen years prior, (with Brian Ottinger, a college friend) where we drove the same road, dirt and boulders at that time, but in the opposite direction in my shit-colored VW beetle (we each took turns riding on the rear bumper holding on to the curved flange of the roof-edge); bathing in the frigid Colorado River; and camping at Slick Rock Campground, as well as all my more recent visits to Moab and the Canyonlands National Park area (2002, 2005, 2006 and 2007).

          I wouldn't want to live there, but my favorite place to visit in the US is Moab, Utah.

similar essays:

Sphere Series (ongoing)

Annual Cecil Picture

Cecil O. Zonkey - four years old

also

Cecil - 3 yrs

Cecil - 2 yrs

Cecil - 1 yr

Best Bad Guy of the Bunch - Republican Democrat or Independent (a conversation)

     

          How do you know if you’re a Republican or a Democrat?

          That’s an interesting question for a fifteen year-old.  I assume you’re asking because you will be eighteen and eligible to vote in three years?

          No.  I have to write a paper on what it means to be a...fill-in-the-blank...political party.

          And your choices are only Republican or Democrat?

          Um, no.  I...just only know about those.  What are you?

          Independent.

          So you vote for Independent candidates?

          I have on occasion, but what it usually means is sometimes I vote for a Democrat and sometimes I vote for a Republican.  I never vote for a party, always for a person.

          So you know you’re an Independent because you don’t always vote for one party, instead you vote for whichever candidate is the best to you?  Sounds good to me. 

          I see from your expression you think that might be enough information to fill your report?

          Hah—yea, that was what I was thinking.

          If I were to explain what it means to be an Independent, I’d have to explain why I’m neither a Democrat nor a Republican, nor Libertarian, Green, blah, blah—the list is long—much more complicated than explaining why someone belongs to one party.  I have an idea.  Why don’t you pick something the government has done that you like or dislike and maybe I can help you determine which political party you prefer.

          I really can’t think of anything the government did or didn’t do.  I don’t pay attention to that stuff.

          Oh come on.  There must be some rule or law that you...

          I know:  I wish I didn’t have to wait until I’m sixteen to get a job.

          OK, that’s what I mean.  But, it isn’t exactly true—you are allowed to work at fifteen, it’s just that you are limited to certain types of jobs and certain hours.  But, since Child Labor Laws aren’t favored by one political party, none of this will help you write your report.  How about another one?

          Ummmm...

          Finish this thought:  ‘If I were elected King, the first thing I’d do...’

          I would remove all the no skateboarding on the sidewalk thingy’s. 

          Ahh.  Now we’re getting somewhere.  Good.  This is a private property and insurance liability issue.  It may appear you’re skating on public property, but the entire grocery store parking lot is private property.  So they post signs which—at face value—prohibit you from skating there; the real purpose is to protect them from lawsuits when you get hurt or when you crash into someone else....

          ...No no, not those.  I’m talking about the sidewalk ones.

          I don’t understand.  What sidewalk ones?

          They’re yellow and bumpy?  You know.  They make them out of rubber.

          Oh.  Ohhh.

          You think those are installed to impede skateboarders?

          That’s what I was told.

          Actually, they’re to assist people with disabilities.  People who are almost blind can see the bright yellow; those who are completely blind can feel the bumpy-rubber texture; snow and ice melts fast on them, and they provide traction for wheelchairs.  The fact that it also dissuades skateboarders is an unintended side-bonus.

          What?

          Oh, I’m sorry, did I say that last bit out loud? 

          Not.  Funny.

          But it applies very nicely to the politics issue.  Very nicely.  Now that you know the purpose of the safety mats, would you still remove them if you were elected King?

          Yes.  Ahhmm, no.  Probably not.  Wait a minute—how does this have anything to do with political parties? 

          I’ll explain.  Let’s pretend you are King.  OK?

          Great!  As King I demand you give me an allowance.  This minute.  In fact.  Give me every dollar in your wallet.  It is a tax.  A new tax.  On...ability to talk to the King.  Everyone who talks to the King must pay this tax.

          Wonderful!  NOW we’re getting somewhere.  Even though you’re laughing, it indicates which political party you might be affiliated with.

          Really?

          Yup.  But before you take all my money your highness, I’d like to address the issue of installing safety mats at every curb cut in your kingdom.  Once I’m finished explaining, I think you’ll agree.  May I begin?

          Begin lowly citizen.

          Your Highness...

          You may address me as Your Majesty or just Majesty for short.

          Very good, Your Majesty.  A million of your loyal and devoted minions are sight or mobility disabled.  Every one of them will benefit from the installation of safety mats.  The total cost to install a safety mat at every cut curb in your land will be less than .000001% of Your Majesty’s treasury or—to put it in clearer terms—it will cost you less than what you pay for one minute of electricity in all your government buildings.  They will protect these citizens from injury and even death.  If they save even one of your minions lives, isn’t the cost worth the expense?  Thank you for listening to me Majesty.

          You are most welcome my lowly citizen and I...

          Your Majesty if I may?  I’d like to address the other point of view if you will permit?

          Why yes, you...  with... the worst most-terrible almost-British accent.  Or is that French?  French Canadian maybe?

          I’m so dreadfully sorry about my accent Majesty.

          Go ahead then.  Continue if you must.

          I would like to appeal to Your Majesty’s common sense and suggest you do not install any so-called ‘safety mats’ anywhere in your land.  The person who spoke to you first claimed that they would cost less than a hundred-thousandth of one percent.  Which may sound like a small percentage; but you have a very large treasury Your Majesty.  The total dollar cost would be ten million dollars.  Want to know how to save that much money?...don’t install skateboard prevention mats.  I represent two million skateboarding minions—double the number of disabled in your land.  They could definitely be injured if they were to skate over these dangerous mats and get thrown off their boards into traffic.  You of all people, a Majestic skateboarder of the highest magnitude yourself, should understand that it’s better to have less government intervention, less government spending, and protect more of your minions.

          Ummm...

          I would appreciate a chance at rebuttal, Your Majesty.

          Jeez.  I didn’t think it would take this long.

          Please Majesty?  I will be brief.

          OK.

          My French Canadian opponent spoke as if it skateboarders should never be inconvenienced by dismounting their boards and walking around the safety mats.  Your wheelchair-bound citizens do not have that luxury.  He wants a few young and healthy skateboarders to enjoy a faster-smoother ride.   I’m requesting you assist and protect the weakest of your people, who may not be able to use a winter sidewalk to get to the grocery store.

          Does the French Canadian have a rebuttal for the rebuttal?

          No.  You have enough information to decide. 

          And depending on which way I decide will tell you...?

          Which political party you favor.

          I decide:  Not to install. 

          As any fifteen year-old King would be expected to do.  Which is why we don’t have any youthful monarchies and why you have to be at least 35 years-old to run for President.

          So which party would I favor?

          Republican.  Most juveniles are members of the GOP.

          You seem kinda upset.

          Not upset.  Not really.  It’s just that I’d have voted the other way.  Even when I was fifteen.  I’ve always thought it was very important to take care of those who can’t take care of themselves.

          You want to know why I voted not to install?

          Sure.

          Because handicapped people can get up those low curbs without them already.  It seems like an unnecessary added expense.  Like braille instructions on drive-up ATMs and handicapped parking spots in front of a military recruiter’s office.

          Good one. 

          Thanks.

          But all ATMs are the same...some are installed next to driveways...some are installed next to sidewalks.  You aren’t suggesting that blind people shouldn’t be able to use an ATM?

          No.  I bet now you’re gonna tell me the same thing applies to recruiter’s offices?

          Exactly.  The law states public buildings have to reserve a certain percentage of their parking spaces for disabled patrons.  Huge parking lots have a large number of handicapped spaces, tiny parking lots have one space.  It doesn’t matter what the building is used for.  And, just to play devil’s advocate—what about the parent-on-crutches who wants to drive their high schooler to talk about joining the Air Force?  Should they be forced to walk two blocks just because the military doesn’t recruit disabled members?

          Got it.  What about deciding against the safety mats makes me Republican?

          Republicans want less government—which means less laws and less taxes.  Also, Republicans are less interested in protecting minorities and more interested in protecting their own interests...which, in this case, would include a skateboarder assisting other skateboarders.

          Which makes me sound really selfish.  You aren’t addressing the fact that blind people in wheelchairs are already able to get up the curbs. 

          Because it’s specious.  It’s the equivalent of claiming:  same-sex partners can enter into civil unions so they have no reason to obtain marriage licences, or illegal aliens who were brought into the country as infants—who’ve grown up never knowing anything but the United States—should be deported.

          Both are claims made by...?

          Republicans.

          Anything bad about the Democrats?

          I disagree with the Democrats stand on Affirmative Action; I don’t think it is fair to promote or select or accept or award one person above another for any reason besides merit.  I also don’t concur with their party’s policies on:  the PATRIOT act, Israel, NAFTA and the wars in Iraq and Afghanistan.

          Sounds like you don’t like any party.

          Independent all the way buddy...every election I vote for the best bad guy of the bunch.

☀ Summer

          The trope of an unlikely athlete in a marathon...although she began the race with the crowd, as the sun's rays got longer she slowed down until all the other competitors moved ahead.  Then it was just her, still moving forward, exhausted.  It's late, now she is limping.  The finish line timer indicates it has been way too many days more than normal but, eventually, the unlikely athlete clears the 45th parallel...where she is met by her loyal friends:  Autumn, Winter, and Spring.

          In much of the US this year, Summer actually usurped Spring, arriving in March and—now—she's become über-summer (reminding more than 275 million US residents what it's like to live below the 33rd parallel).  Well she finally arrived in the Northwest:  three consecutive days above 80°F (27°C).

Golf GPS

          Another first.  Played with a ParView GPS on the cart.  Not only does it maintain score(s); indicate yardage to: pin, front/back of green, hazards and other golf carts; act like a golf OnStar to notify the course marshall if assistance is needed; and track playing pace...it also permits pre-ordering as you near the clubhouse, so your food will be ready when you hit the 19th hole.  What's not to love?
          I can estimate as well as anyone, but always knowing exact distances (combined with my numbers) means lower scores and less lost balls, which means more money in my pocket, which means I can afford to play at a course which charges more because they have ParView GPS on all their carts.

Married to the Sea - global warming

Although it's still quite cool and Spring-like here in the Northwest, I hear Summer is spanking
 98% of the rest of the US of A just like they voted against it in the last election...but it still won.

Deconstruction of Zeitgeist using the Bloody Socks Rule

          This is not a review of the film Zeitgeist—there are more than enough reviews (debunkings, addendums, etc)—instead, this is a brief examination of the film’s ideas and theories utilizing the Bloody Socks Rule as a litmus.  Although no new or original information is proffered by the director, Peter Joseph, because this film is slickly produced and smoothly edited it's much easier to watch than its progenitors.   

          It’s not unfair to compare the opening act with a barker filling the theater.  The director sets the stage describing the building blocks early religious leaders utilized to construct the christian faith.  Anyone who wants to itemize Mr. Joseph's erroneous statements should understand that none of his details matter.  It's completely irrelevant if it is all supposition or 100% true.  It doesn’t matter if various traits and plot arcs of the Egyptian god Horus (or his predecessors) were used to create the christ-myth.  The only important thing is the foundational themes which interweave the whole film. 

Theme #1 - The most powerful puppet-masters have amazing prescient abilities.
Theme #2 - To maintain their power, these super-apex men encourage their puppets to war.
Theme #3 - They successfully pass their secret batons from generation-to-generation and have done so for centuries.

          The film in three sentences:  Fifteen hundred years ago, the most powerful super-apex men were the priests who constructed christianity.  They sent their puppets off to kill in the crusades and burned witches for centuries just so they could drink from golden chalices.  Today, the most powerful super-apex men are politicians and bankers who work hand-in-hand to manipulate the US into its large wars and then keep them in those wars for as long as possible because the war-machine is profitable.

          I don’t think anyone will contest that Zeitgeist was scripted as propaganda in order to appeal to non-religious, non-wealthy, skeptical, disaffected, Americans.

          This is where the Bloody Socks Rule comes in (recap: focus on one valid piece of evidence).

          I call Zeitgeist’s bloody socks ‘The Unseen Unproof’.

          The film suggests hundreds of American political and military people either passively conspired to sacrifice or actively finger-on-the-trigger murdered thousands of our own citizens on 11 September 2001.  Even though it could only be possible if we were all Borg, the film implies that unknown and unseen explosive experts were allowed to rig three WTC buildings for demolition all through the night of 10 Sep 2011—because just hitting them with plane-loads of people wouldn’t bring them down and wouldn’t be sufficient to sway public opinion to go to war.  And, the missing passenger plane debris at the Pentagon as well as the unseen debris at the crash site in Pennsylvania means the missing planes (AA77 and UA93) didn’t crash.  There must have been missiles.

          The film doesn’t say anything about Area 51, but where else would you hide two planes and 100+ passengers?

          One of the things that amazes me about conspiracy nuts...they imbue ‘authority figures’ with more intelligence, capabilities, and cleverness than your average idiot.  In my experience everyone is an average idiot.  They don’t seem to understand that everyone:  Presidents, fighter pilots, WTC architects, ground-zero clean-up crews, policemen, firemen, receptionists, bankers, Osama, suicide-terrorists - all - are all just a bunch of overgrown kindergartners playing at adult games.

          Greedy?  You bet.  Prone to making mistakes?  Every day.  Capable of keeping a secret?   Never.

also:

another non-review of a different bad film

Gently produce when random laughing monster a belated revenge until the tsunami

veach  |  GTC  |  bluesboyjr  |  beatsoul

          I began the first slice of this in March (and thought it was lost forever).  In this extremely bizarre composite of hilarious incongruity, the only theme I can identify is "country trademarking" (None-USA-England-Germany).

          It seems this is another corpse which ended up 15px short (only this time it looks like GTC overlapped rather than abutted  *insert brief laugh-track at innuendo here*)...which I've (now) learned is OK/within the rules.  I stand corrected.  Live and learn.

 also:

May's Corpse

April's Corpse

Corpse-ing Explained