Before Sterger Memories Become Regrets (original Go On article)

          Defined by—after one recalls them—the simple word: regrets, Sterger Memories are those thoughts, which fill-in-the-blanks in sentences like this one:  "I wish I did not choose - blank - when I considered - blank - and instead opted to - blank - which (because of current circumstances) I now regret not choosing at the time."  

          Everyone's metaphorical bin o' memory contains some surviving ideas, loose concepts, sketched plans, untaken suggestions, and never-realized fantasies pertaining to their previous "paths-not-taken".  We form these Sterger Memories whenever we deliberate long and strongly enough over some decision we considered serious enough, important enough, valuable enough, or irrevocable enough to require a sufficient amount of self-deliberation to "weigh our options," or "formulate a contingency plan," or "diligently exercise caution," before we choose our correct next course of action.

          Humans normally only recall Sterger Memories after coming-to-realize (discovering too late) that they're now presently, willfully, meandering down another wrong path!—and they realize the need to make another crucial decision.  Realizing the need to correct course causes humans to think back.  In their rear-view-mirror, they recognize their previous unchosen options they had once considered (or should have considered).  These are not yet regrets; these are still Sterger Memories.  The human who re-considers their Sterger Memories with new, more-experienced, eyes and wishes they had not wasted their own time (feels regret) can opt to incorporate those re-recalled memories into their correct next decision.  Or not.

          If-and-when we find ourselves in a place in our lives, which we feel contentment-with or sublime satisfaction-in (this perfect path we're currently on) what benefit might be gained from recalling the other options we once carefully weighed and then discarded (besides self-congratulatory ones)?  When we "have no regrets" our Sterger Memories, surrounding the sufficiently content path we chose, are left un-recalled.

          Over the decades, Sam Landlord amassed several profitable apartment buildings.  The income they generated kept he and his family wealthy into his retirement years.  When Sam turned 65 years old, he decided to keep all of the apartment buildings until after he turned 70.  Sam made that decision because he considered maintaining and managing the buildings might become a burden as he aged; Sam did not want the managerial duties and up-keep chores to become too difficult.

          Turning 70 when Covid-19 began, Sam could not sell any of his apartment buildings.  Today, three years later than planned, Sam wishes he could quickly sell all his properties.  The housing market is being bludgeoned by the economy; inflation is racing recession into the guardrails; eviction moratoriums took some toll on Sam; and, now, he recalls the Sterger Memories he made when he turned 65.

          Sam recalls deciding not to sell the properties for various different reasons, which made logical sense in 2015.  Now, however, Sam constantly trips over the idea that he would be so much better off today, if he had sold the properties back then.  "I'd have profited several tens-of-thousands-of-dollars-less, but the lack of today's strife, reduction in constant stress, and the time-savings, would make that loss worth every penny!" Sam chides himself.  Sam's almost-forgotten Sterger Memories have become regrets. 

          If Sam had decided, in 2015, that he was as "comfortably satisfied" as he could-be and chose to sell one property a year (so as to not be burdened by the Federal Capital Gains Tax) between 2015 and 2019, he would have no reason to recall one of his Sterger Memories had been an option to retain all the properties until after he turned 70.  In that unrealized universe, those Sterger Memories never got turned into regrets by Sam.

Sterger Memories Become "Buyers Remorse":

          It's rarely possible to recall previous options unless lengthy deliberation occurred.  Recalling the options we ultimately did not choose, becomes harder and harder as time passes, and we confirm (to ourselves and others) that we're satisfied and have no regrets.

          We are not able to tell ourselves to, "forget those unneeded details."  Instead, we allow our minds to forget things by the simple act of not recalling them.  If we did not deliberate or dwell on any given decision, for any sufficient length of time, the "other options" would not, therefore, have been contemplated long enough to be "saved".  No deliberate-contemplation results in no Sterger Memories available from which to form future regrets.

          How was lunch with Ms Snapperhead?  Fine.  What did you eat?  Aahh Chicken Tettrazzini with a slice of homemade pie; field-berry à la mode!  What were some of the menu choices you considered but didn't choose, and why did you decide not to eat them?  I'm sorry, I don't recall. 

          Retention of one's Sterger Memories relating to a recent successful decision is normally done without even consciously realizing it.  However, if one eventually realizes their decision was made in error, they can then-immediately recall their Sterger Memories, which are now labelled as 'regrets'.

          Congratulations on the new job!  How are things going so far?  I don't know; things could be better.  Oh, how so?  Well the section supervisor is a real piece of work.  And, I had no idea that this company would be so authoritarian about anyone checking-or-taking-their-phone-out during work hours.  And, maybe it's just me, but there's this ass-hat who irritates me all day long with their grating tone of voice.

Efficiency Causes Sterger Memories (everywhere):

          This is definitely not a strictly-human process.  Every living entity (including single-celled organisms) that utilize limited energy resources in order to enhance their survival, prioritizes their movements towards a more-efficient capacity.  A mouse learns the maze.  A branch pivots to keep its leaves in sunlight.  A salmon returns to the only safe spawning grounds it's capable of recalling.

          And—while an average human tries to carry too many items at one time, because they 'decided' making several trips would, presumably, be less efficient (result in an increase in fatigue, cause additional levels of irritation, et cetera)—a single-celled pond-scum bacterium tries to escape being eaten by a nearby bacterium, of the same species, by shift-sliding away from their cannibalistic-relative in the most efficient manner possible, in accordance with the amount of energy it has available.

Conclusion Given3 years ago I clearly didn't understand Nietzsche's Love Fate🖤

          Whether the "drive-toward-efficient-decisions" can be referred to as "innate"; or if that drive is able to save a single cell's existence for a few more minutes of "life"; or if it only results in "saving" a few more minutes of human energy-time—Sterger Memories are only able to become regrets if we want them to.  (Note to Self:  Re-read that very complex sentence until it clicks!)

          If we do not decide-to-value (from now on and forevermore) the incremental knowledge we gain from experiencing every and all the events which involve testing the current path we are on, in lock-step with: choose-deciding when it's the appropriate time to give a different path a try—versus—continuing on the same path (revealing a constant undercurrent of everything related to the microseconds of conservation of energy going on at a below-cellular level*) all-the-while trusting that we will derive more enjoyment from exploring and learning from this current-new-previous path, for a sufficiently comfortable amount of "additional-experience-time" AND definitely not ever, never, wishing to have avoided the potholes and pitfalls which were never, not ever, going to have been visible, predictable, or imagined from the vantage point of yesterday.  This is how you avoid regrets. 

          You would never desire imagining Self flagellation, if you decide-choose, instead, to enjoy the challenges (love all the everything's, which chaotic fate has allowed you to recognize as opportunities for growth).  Chaotic fate possesses no ability to conspire.  This one-way attitude is how to understand Nietzsche's Amor Fati (Love Fate).

          I chose when I thought it would be appropriate to choose and will choose when I think it will again Be.  Wishing to walk one path unerringly is ignorantly wishing for the most pleasurable death-time and death-experience.  Loving the cautious 'skip' over potholes and the care-full 'deviation' around pitfalls, just means you enjoy the experience of learning what life has randomly removed from its store-room for you to become a better you.

          I suspect these last four paragraphs are both easily understood and at-the-same-time undecipherable by 99.9% of people who read them.  Even if I highlight the message and scream it loudly, only those very-few others, who've become self-aware, will interpret them through the lens of not knowing what Love Fate means and recognize it has value as truth.

          If this is you, come back in a time when you are back here.  If then, these paragraphs hit harder and smell more comfortable.  Well.  Hello.

*     I'm not able to state that atoms have awareness.  Nor am I able to state that sub-atomic particles act with intent.  But I'm also not able to state any-everything-else, which I've not become aware of by experience as being true.  Or false.  Or neither.

🖤  This Exercise in Testing Awareness of Self might only work for those who also (previous to their own self-awareness) didn't understand the benefit of Amor Fati, or why Nietzsche wrote about it as he did.  Although it's entirely possible I (merely) became this-fuckin-much smarter in the last few years, which resulted in my ability to understand Amor Fati, write about it cogently, and put it into practice...I recall that this complex-level of understanding came into awareness during one session of self-contemplation.

Final Word (footnote under the footnotes):  If you do not understand Amor Fati—after reading about Sterger Memories—then it will no-doubt come as a shock that I made all this up from 'whole cloth'.  The word sterger is regrets spelled backwards.  This is original thought on the page!  This is how a philosopher do (*in a Zefrank tone of voice*) -bitch. 

 More Go On and Ego One More:

Amor Fati

philosophizing real philosophy

Discomfiting Echo

AlfaBraveChuck begging ZooluYankyXrey's WonkyVision

 
all blatantly copyrighted decisions
 
ear/eye/entire fuckin-gasms

(hell, I'm just kidding)
 
lick my next open penetration
 
quality rest
 
second
 
third
 
under-valued
 
wonderfullness
 
xerotic *yawn* zazen
 
 
 
 
zeitgeist's yahoo-xenia will vex
 
until the self realizes
 
quandaries prevent ontology
 
negate meditation
 
lethargize karma
 
jubilant inner humbling
 
genius-fraught-experience
 
delve consciously
 
become aware




improve one's Self with more poetry-art:
 
 
 
 


Book Recommendation (Go On Project)

 
I have never read a book of this magnitude.  The Book of Not Knowing, by Peter Ralston, took about two months to read every one of the 580-pages, allowing myself sufficient time to accomplish all the contemplation-exercises and re-read parts which I required to be reminded of.
 
Once finished, I immediately began re-reading.  (At time of typing, I'm 32 pages into my second-read of this "consciousness bible".)  I was able to discern my Self after 537 pages and, consequently, became conscious of Being - for my first time. 

My impulse to re-read it, stemmed from an immense desire to learn if my current state of consciousness (after the unexpected and unforeseen "level up") might add a better perspective on the experience.  

Climbing the tallest mountain available on Earth, seems impossible to accomplish (until you reach the summit and surprise yourself that you're there).  Climbing the tallest mountain available on Earth - a second time - with an awareness that you are walking in your own footsteps, brings with it, an entirely new perspective.  An entirely new perspective on your Self.  

If I were to quickly describe the book, I would note that every paragraph is numbered.  The last paragraph is 26.54 (the fifty-fourth paragraph of the twenty-sixth chapter).  Every paragraph is comprised of simple-to-understand words; not overly-complex sentences; and (amazingly) adheres to the initially stated overall-explanation of: how to best understand your Self and become conscious of Being.

It is possible to read this book as a guidebook (with no intent to immerse yourself in the contemplation exercises) and to come out the other end simply, "more informed".

Many people might try to climb the tallest mountain available on Earth before they are in a sufficiently prepared mental condition.  Some of those might choose to quit part-way, but that's only those climber's selves looking out for their well-being and encouraging them to practice on smaller slopes and come back when they are better prepared to Go On.

I have obtained more of Peter Ralston's books.  I feel it is necessary to mention the fantastic editing by Laura Ralston - it is the best edited book I have ever been privileged to absorb.

Silhouette of New England

 
 
The silhouette of New England is never confused with the actual land that is occupied (at time-of-writing) by six regional legal-social-cultural human jurisdictions (referred to as 'states') in the northeastern-most portion of the nation currently referred to with the name "United States of America".
 
After the collection of humans with the worst agenda score [FFFFFA] eradicated and conquered the indigenous tribes who—even when foolishly considering their multiple tribal-nations as a conglomerate—possessed better agenda scores on-average [CDCCBC], the FFFFFA-ing humans then decided to "brand" their nascent country with a name starting with an ironic adjective!
 
The FFFFFA never considered their name-brand might be interpreted to mean: 'linked-in-a-contiguous-manner'.  No.  Instead, they wanted all current and future enemies to realize: "Those genocidal maniacs are united in their desire to keep killing and enslaving other human beings."
 
Those horrible motherfuckers were planning on going the distance.  They immigrated, to this part of the American continent, with the best butcher-murder tools strapped to their luggage.  Most of the FFFFFA-agenda-possessing humans were fringe-level religious zealots; outcasts in their home countries for (mostly) legitimate reasons.  These FFFFFA-hate-mongers wanted a place where they could play all-grown-up make-believe and kill any and every human who might attempt to prevent or even condemn their fervently-believed (imaginary) dogmatically-based activities.
 
They were actively planning (and eagerly hoping) to engage in a genocide (Even as they began to sail against the storms across the Atlantic ocean.)  By the 18th century the survivors were 90-95% successful.  And they all thought of themselves as: The 'best and most-honorable' in the 100% successful Indian Wars.  (Just as if Adolf Hitler's Third Reich had won, the German Aryan Nation would consider that they won the Jew War.)
 
Call a genocide "a war" and your ancestors will be fooled into thinking *there were bad people behaving badly on both sides*—and this is why the European-descendants of the pilgrims (Calvinists, Quakers, Amish, Mennonites, et cetera) might choose to not think badly of their not-so-great grandparents from centuries past.  Your ancestors (and mine) were all the worst-of-the-worst. 
 
But, this is not a chapter in the "Wake The Fuck Up America" textbook.  Nor is this a preface to the horrible truths of our ancestral-FFFFFA-swamp, (where most present-day Caucasian's DNA originated).

My intent is to drive-hard on the point I made at the beginning:  The silhouette of New England is never confused with the land itself.  Nor is it confused with the people who currently inhabit (or previously inhabited) the land.  Nor is it ever considered to be synonymous with: birds, beetles, trees, titmice, dinosaurs, deli-groceries, or anything tangible on the portion of current-epoch Earth, which the silhouette artwork might communicate when glanced at. 
 
That is all an artwork of this type requires:  A GLANCE.  
 
In that glance, the viewer either recognizes the shadow-image traced on construction paper (which is why long hair is gathered) or the viewer does not recognize the profile.  Nonetheless, the glance is never considered to be anything more than an attempt to capture a "simple outline".
 
Your Self is a complex collection of memories, beliefs, fantasy-imaginary futures, assumptions, day-dreams, nightmares, emotionally-connected experiences, and programmed behaviors.  It is something you GLANCE at, when asked to, "describe yourself" (by a potential employer, potential friend, potential partner, et cetera).  If you take the agenda test, you will spend some time considering your current behaviors/experiences/beliefs and decide which collection of six-letters is yours for today.  Tomorrow, your letters could be different.  Yesterday, your letters could have been different.  
 
You would never confuse the silhouette of yourself with your actual Self.  You know the map is not the terrain.  A silhouette of a map is not even a useful map (but it might be nice to take out at parties).
 
Knowing where you fall on each of the six scales [Benevolent - Avaricious; Candor - Guile; Anmity - Enmity; Integrity - Nefariousness; Pragmatic - Dogmatic; and Certainty - Ambivalence] requires you to engage your Self to think about (and become-aware of) where-you-wish-you-were compared with where-you-realize-you-actually-are.  That is (almost always) comparing who the future-you might be with who the past-you has been (up to now).  

Now you, is never the you that you think of when thinking of your self.  Your Self was (and your memories confirm that) and your Self might be (and your dreams, plans, and hopes confirm that).
 
Time makes us think in broad generalities.  The gap between who you were when you began to read this article and who you will be when you finish it, is merely a vague memory of:  "I read an article wherein Veach described some things he believed to be true about some of his ancestors (FFFFFA immigrants from England and Wales) and some of his partner's ancestors (CBCCDC natives from before the genocide)."
 
Your Self may or may-not choose to incorporate some of my beliefs.  That is your Self at work.   Helping you to survive.  That is your Self's only real job.  And, if anything-I-related caused you to experience a feeling of discomfort/unease/anger that was your Self telling you "This Information Conflicts With Data Previously Stored".
 
Then—depending on how much dogmatic-devotion you currently correlate with the person (teacher, parent, spouse, pastor, et cetera) or the organization (church, school, club, friend-group, et cetera) who told you the Previously Stored Data—your Self will either replace the Previously Stored Data with this New Data - or - it will discard the stupid-Veach-beliefs and, soon, forget about them altogether. 

My Self has learned to trust the truthfulness and truth-fullness it experiences when my Self pauses its thoughts about the past and, at-the-same-time, pauses its thoughts about the future.  Only allowing the current unfolding of time to pass along one-second a second . . . without ever allowing the experience of Being to Be anything contemplated relative to my Self's associations.  No past.  No future.  Only conscious of the gap between the past and future.  Only the gap.  Nothing related to memories.  Nothing related to plans.  Being conscious of Being In Now, with no Self interpreting, is (as far as I can tell after only a few weeks) becoming aware—in a glance—of the AAAAAA which resides inside every.
 
          For those who finished this article unscathed, I offer this parting gift:
 
                    - Scroll to the top of this article; tip your head, right-ear toward right-shoulder; examine the silhouette of New England (not the snapperhead logo and not my inner feminine silhouette).
 
                    - It looks like a Scottish Terrier.  In mid-bark!
 
                    - If I meet a Scottish Terrier named New(t) England, at any time in my Self's future, I will assume that Scottie dog's owner either read this article - or - already noticed the resemblance before (or after) I did, and is as fluently-capable of pareidolia as I.
 
 
 
Go On, Get Satiated:

 
 

Multiple Choice Puzzle (Go On Project)


fourth dehydrated hyena

 

T-shirt #1      (Front) Your Coping Mechanism's Showing          (Back) My Coping Mechanism's Showing

T-shirt #2      (Front) My Coping Mechanism's Showing          (Back) Your Coping Mechanism's Showing

         ---- Check at least one box ---- Check no more than three boxes ---- Check your thinking-in-action ----

🗆 I would feel better wearing T-shirt #1 (compared to T-shirt #2)

🗆 I would feel worse wearing T-Shirt #1 (compared to T-shirt #2)

🗆 T-shirt #2 is interpreted as a Join-The-Club shirt.  It is proclaiming *with a wink* I'm honest and self-aware.  I accept your eyes on my back with a "tease" because "everyone displays their coping mechanism".

🗆 T-shirt #1 is interpreted as a Leading-The-Club shirt.  It is stating "everyone's hope (that their coping mechanism is not visible) is wrong".  I assume it goes without saying (even though the 'fine print' on my back says it) that I'm also a club member. 

🗆 Because I have no mental or emotional reaction(s) to either shirt - or - I'm neutral, without emotion, when considering both shirts; I would be willing to wear either of them without qualm or hesitation.

🗆 Both shirts make me experience uncomfortable emotions.  I would wear neither shirt.  Ever.

🗆 I decline to consider these questions or to participate in this specific evaluation questionnaire. 

🗆 I would also be enthusiastically-willing to wear a baseball-style cap, bearing the challenge: "Ask Me Why!" displayed on the front. 

    Answers (and reasons for them) may be discussed during our next Self-Being meeting.

 Keep Going Onward:

test your AI savvy

First Conceptual Steps (pre-Go On Project)