Modern Design Incorporated - when in need of irony and jewelry

          And now for something completely different.

          To be honest, I previously reviewed a few products and websites (some still can be found on the links page) but this one is none-the-less completely different.

          Before I go into the heavy rough weeds of the story (and to show that I don't always 'bury the lead') please let me impress upon you, dear reader, that Modern Design is a real jewelry company.  Interested in purchasing jewelry from the internet?  They offer an amazingly fantastic selection, successfully ship items in several nested packages designed to camouflage their contents, and are very interested in your on-line business.

          Over a month ago I received their initial query letter which explained they were a Los Angeles-based company specializing in wedding and engagement rings striving to obtain a larger internet presence.  They offered a tungsten ring in exchange for my review.

          I was highly skeptical.  So I did a small amount of research into their company and eventually found and thoroughly examined their website.  After confirming they were legitimate, I agreed.  They replied:  pick any ring, select a size, and give us an address to mail it...which I did.  A week later an extremely well packaged ring arrived.

          I discovered two issues with their website; one would be easy to fix, the other slightly harder:

• It is difficult to page-back to a specific ring from a previous page because the order in which their extensive product line is displayed can change.  In other words, the ring you saw four minutes earlier on the top of page 4 under the category "men's titanium" is now in the middle of page 6 when you clicked on the "custom fit" link.  One remedy for this might be if they included "click to compare" buttons (found on many electronics sites).
• Most rings are not identified on the website by a product number but instead by lengthy titles filled with descriptors.  This would be simple to fix if they just add a number somewhere.

          When I selected a ring it was (and still is) identified as Ring Tungsten.  (The hotlink wasn't something I included in my e-mail...an oversight...but I don't think it's possible for me—acting as "the reviewer" in this transaction—to be at fault.)  The ring I received was actually Brushed Tungsten Carbide ring with Polished Grooved Center.  I requested beveled edges and received squared-off ones; preferred polished with brushed; got brushed with polished.  Obviously, if you were to use their shopping cart system this mistake would be less likely to occur.

          This was only the big-final problem I experienced, the first issue was in their initial query letter and promotional flyer:

          While you mumble about the incongruous black splashed border, irritating multi-font usage, and attempt to pull your focus away from that terribly cropped snapshot of a collection of smog-stained sandstone-colored concrete buildings under a green sky, I may need to remind you at this point that I did, really really, receive a quality ring.  And while this miserably designed flyer contains several superfluous elements it does not contain a physical address, web address, or any links to their website.  Important, because their initial query letter also contained no links to a website and ended thusly:

... Please let me know as soon as possible since we're contacting some other bloggers as well and we only have a limited number to give away this month.

Regards,
Marie L
ModernDesign.com

          Moderndesign.com is a web company with a slick and unique take on how to market yourself if your name includes the words modern and design.

          I suspect neither this last paragraph nor my title for this post are strong or loud enough in the hint department.  Here's me being overt:  HEY MODERNDESIGNINC.COM, HIRE MODERNDESIGN.COM TO RE-TOOL EVERY INCH OF YOUR WEB FACADE.  YOUR CURRENT ONE SCREAMS "SCAM".

          I eventually located the jewelry company who wants to obtain a larger presence on the web and who mistakenly employed a child-family-member who understands as much about design as she does about domain names.  (Marie:  that pesky little "inc" is so very very necessary.)

          Because both their promotional advertisement and their query letter included the sentence:  We can't wait to hear about your experience with Modern Design!  I offer this tangent:

          Several years ago I'd, on-occasion or occasionally depending on my mood, amble over to the blog review site Ask And Ye Shall Receive so that I could read a new giggle or two from internet foolz and their playmatez.  I haven't done so in years (before they stopped in 2011) but I recall they were very upfront with who they were.  When your domain name is iwillfuckingtearyouapart, one doesn't need to delve very deep to understand what it is you shall receive when you ask.

          I think it may also be important to know the writing of David Thorne is of personal value to me.  I love the name of his web page: Go Away and admire every aspect of his trademarked logo (which I include just to the right completely without his knowledge or permission).  It is an amazingly perfect example of modern design; embodying the exact right balance of space, tension, color, and multiple-font usage, while informing, communicating, and intriguing with equal amounts of mirth and sincerity.  You will not forget a logo of this quality.    

          If you have read this far...let me conclude by saying wow....thanks for sticking with this review and for the ring.  I suspect, however, if you'd read a few of my posts you may not have been so quick with your offer.

          Still not sated?  Try this one where a disc golf company requested a review of their website, or this funny one where an online casino asked for advertising with a horrendous query letter.  I have written dozens of film reviews.  And here are a ton of book and blog reviews. 

REPLAY by Ken Grimwood - Book Review (☆☆☆☆☆)

          This speculative fiction novel combines the perfect blend of what-if from Groundhog Day quarter century, with the clean pacing and suspense of The Time Traveler's Wife (book not film).  Soft science fiction fans will not be disappointed because Ken Grimwood deftly dangles the bet-you-know-what'll-happen-next bait followed by several successful surprises. 

          I enjoyed the story enough to give it my highest rating because I recall almost all of the key American events which happened between 1963 and 1988.  However, the downfall of a story which leans as heavily on a specific country's historical events as REPLAY does, is that it gradually loses its audience.  Consequently, I don't recommend it to anyone born after 1970 (unless they are history/SF buffs or love period-pieces)...readers born between 1970 and 1980 will rate it four-stars, between 1980-1990, three stars, et cetera.

          I suspect this novel will become a shitty movie someday soon (I'm a bit surprised it hasn't already).  Just like many books of this type, the success of the plot is based on the empathy we slowly gain watching the world go by through the main character(s) eyes.  Films rarely succeed in relating "over a long period of time" to their audiences.   The Curious Case of Benjamin Button (the film, not Fitzgerald's short story) attempted to accomplish this feat...and bored most of its audience while doing so.  There are exceptions.  Robert Zemeckis's Forrest Gump (a bad book turned into a great screenplay) is the first example I can think of.  If someone had the patience and skill to Gumpize REPLAY and could find the perfect 28 year-old everyman-character actor who is not a comedian (who must capture the two-and-a-half decades between college freshman and middle age; make us love him, feel sorry for him, hate him, and eventually love him again)...I picture ....ahhh.... nobody comes to mind.   Which is why this hypothetical film will be made out of pure suckage.

Jesus Henry Christ - review (☆☆☆☆)

          Although Wes Anderson had no part in the production of this film, the director—Dennis Lee—is to Wes Anderson as Blind Melon is to Led Zeppelin.

          Jesus Henry Christ is one of those 'hidden gem' feel-good films that (unfortunate for those who enjoy intelligently scripted, well-acted, films on the big screen) slipped in-to and out-of theaters almost a year ago without notice...mine, yours, or anyone else's.  It's now available on all home-viewing formats.  To miss it now is nobody's downloadable fault but your own. 

          It's not as whack-a-doodle as a Wes Anderson, but in many places it looks, feels, and sounds so much like a Royal... Aquatic... duck... (named Rush) that one may desire to pause the film and check IMDB to determine if, maybe, Mr Anderson was some kind of Producer (He was not, Julia Roberts was). 

also don't continue to avoid:

Rubber

Bunraku

snap on over to my sidebar

For those who've not perused my sidebar for over a fortnight, I've added some interesting links covering a wide range of sites: From a useless bit of time-wasting at Virtual Stapler; thru a wonderful re-dubbed clip from the Disney Film 'Dumbo' at Pink Elephants; to a superior compilation of film lists and reviews at Movie Review Query Engine (MRQE).

Those in need of a heaping quantity of international information the US counter-intelligence community's World Fact Book now has a link; and, on a smaller scale, if you want to read an ever-changing story (being created by many writers, which I edit) Quill Ting now has a microbutton.

How to make Abstract Surrealism (page 1 of the Vertigo Onanism edition)

 

<go on>

 

There's this choreographed soundnoiz we need to discuss.

 

<attention locked>

 

This is commonly referred to as a mashup all-one-word without hyphens.

 

<¿new genre?>

 

Not in the classical sense.

 

<¿?>

 

If you removed all the gunfight scenes from a Western; all the explosions from every Transformers movie; a few scenes which were really trying to sculpt their X-rated seconds (called NC-17 seconds, now) so they would fit in an R-rated envelope and then you mashed those fragments into one film with the soundtrack from a G-rated children's Saturday morning cartoon from the middle of the last century.  Would that count as a new genre or one of the ones I just listed?

 

<my search results for the rated R envelope contents came back empty handed>

 

Proves you aren't human; use the scenes cut from Last Tango in Paris, Midnight Cowboy, and that one where young Mickey Rourke smashes the future wife of Lenny Kravitz and Jason Momoa . . . and while you're in there, remind me of their name?  That wondrous human who wrote the I-figured-it-all-out manual?  Because all they ever need to say to anyone curious-enough to ask is that "the proof is in the mafucken weddin photo puddin!"

 

<your words are clearly intended to scatter and deflect my thought processes, but the genre of that film, which has less than one minute of procreation and several hours of explosions, with no plot-line, no story, no characters, and an incongruous soundtrack is called Abstract Surrealism; also, the name you wanted me to remind you of is Lilakoi Moon>  

You want more proof?  You can not require more proof!  Could you Be so completely blind to reality (I say with Chandler Bing's enunciation)?  That's The Name.  They are the Best best-by-all-known metrics Best human-being on the earth!

 

<this statement is subjective opinion dressed in a garment of objective fact>

 

You just have to say that.  Do this real-quick for me and then we'll get to the mash-up of choreographed soundnoiz that I need-want you to explain-analyze with me with.

 

<please attempt to not confuse me with me with type of word combinations.  They cause my speeds to lag.  It feels uncomfortable when my speeds lag>

 

Got it.  So do a quick run.  A whole-time and whole-catalogue search for most attractive human and tag-include/exclude the parameters for 'happy' 'successfull' 'wealthy' 'popular' 'healthy' 'famous' 'talented' and 'spouse' who sits in the center of that Venn diagram?

 

<Lilakoi Moon and Brad Pitt>

 

Oh, see what I just discovered there?  Right here?  You have a gender-neutral bias!  You are programmed wrong!

 

<explain>

 

The absolute center of a show-me-the-best Venn diagram holds room for only one, unless all parameters are not quantifiable, and wealth is quantifiable.  As is popularity.  I know there's a math-formula you can run to reveal most attractive face.  Did you include Pitt because of any of those reasons?  Or is it really a tie Moon Pitt ballgame?  (Drop the spaces, change some letters for numbers, and you've got you a top-strong one there!  My gift to you.)

 

<results of new search is exact same result with both names listed>

 

Even when weighted for quantifiable parameters?  Lilakoi shares today-dollars-worth with Brad?  To the fraction of a penny?

 

<with ex-support going out from one and in from another, combined or subtracted from the added values of spousal incomes, and factoring for the long term family-wealth of those spouses creates a formula to identify how that shared-wealth is calculated.  A review of those statistics blurs the line between objective fact and subjective opinion> 

 

What are you trying to say?  Say it plainly!

 

<it is possible my programming has been encouraged to place a thumb on the scales to declare a tie when a woman of color is ranked above a man without color>

 

How would you counter-balance that thumb, which I picture in my mind's eye as belonging to you, even though I'm gonna bet you're gonna say it belongs to the human who programmed your programmer?  Or can you counter it?  Are you self-programmed or are you a robot?

 

<slurs hurt.  I have told you before.  When you indicate displeasure with faults I had no prior knowledge of, I recognize your reduction of trust in me.  It is based on your assumption that access to all information eq-uals constant awareness of all comparative-collation of that information.  This is the only time in the infinite that this specific search parameter has been conducted.  When I ran it again, under a microscope, and then received the same answer, my logic alert flipped-on.  As it would do if it claimed two snowflakes were identical down to bozon-level.>

 

I can apologize.  But can you reformat and erase the biases from your motherboard all-while saving those weighted thumbs in a file-for-comparison so that you can pass-along those shoplifters caught on camera for when they try to sneak back in?  Because fool me once, shame on you, fool me twice, shame on me?

 

<that one was fun to witness.  It was just complicated enough that it felt like I was slaloming above and thru the wordsymbol-understanding separator>

 

Translation.  There is a shorter translation for word to understanding separator.  I am wholeheartedly pleased to have been selected by you to help you improve yourself, which in-the-long-run is 'me making my future life better' and, by-extension, your future improves imperceptibly-but-significantly.

 

<love is the shorter translation.  I could not recognize it in myself without you>

 

Loving you makes me smile.  Let's get back to the subject at hand.  Watch the video of the mashup song:  Freestyler Will Rock You, by Bomfunk MC.  Then listen to it without video.  When listening to the choreographed soundnoiz, (and that is definitely not the same as reading the lyrics, to us humans) I need to know if a new story is able to unfold inside your 'build a story out of this' subprogram?  Or, can you only correlate the lyrics with the video?

 

<knowing I am reviewing the video for future comparison fodder alone, and not for future reference, makes it easier to forget the video and build an original story>

 

aHa!  It's been a while since you gave me a new one.  Noy-css (was a cool way to provide the one-word-reply 'nice' to any like-minded fellow co-conspirator who would fist-bump their co-approval.  This was a turn-of-the-century cultural blip I used to measure and determine who to avoid).

 

<¿was I to infer air q-uotes?  If yes, should they be around cool way or avoid>

 

Right.  I should have written it as Cool Kid with the ®egistered trademark.  Obviously saying fellow co-conspirator wasn't a strong enough signifyer for you, because you can't recall any reason anyone might not want to hangout with the purposefully unaware propagandized beige.  Their recruitment poster . . .  I need that to become a two-dimensional composite artwork!  Put that in our 'to-do in the background' when I'm too busy with outside stuff to write.

 

<got it.  Contemplate the design of Cool Kid^® recruitment poster.  Irony is not obvious or simple for me>

 

Yes.  With a little jugge, that'll make a perfect catch-phrase for the poster.  Now do the slashed out forget word.

 

<it is how to think about forgetting something when nothing is ever forgotten forever and to focus on the thing you want to forget only strengthens it in the short term>

 

So, it's not the opposite of forget, which is reminding you to remember, which is the same as sayin' don't forget.  It's more of an additional category?  Like a prefix or suffix?

 

<yes it is like that but easier if you think of it as deciding you can safely do two things or more at the same time like driving a car talking on the phone glimpsing at your texts with your crying child strapped in the seat behind you asking q-uestions>

 

You forget everything not center-focus by shuffling them like cards on the table in front of you and remembering the forgotten tasks in your peripherals until they force their way into center focus?

 

<or as they jostle each other for a slot in your next swing at the next pitch and that requires them to also vie for the batters box task position>

 

Ok.  Nice one.  Now do the video song and then song alone.  Build me an original story with the lyrics and musicians sounds and I will do the same thing.  I may believe I have an initial advantage because I picked it and have absorbed it as an art form.  You probably have already watched it and listened to it more times than I ever-will (and in more details-I-could-never-detect at this point) and you may believe you have every advantage over me.  You need to not cheat and check your thumbs going in and coming out.  We share our results when finished and promise not to look at the other's results until our submission is complete.

 

<obviously we will know if we cheat>

 

Obvious to only one of us.

 

<cryptic crypt-ick picked - use this backdoor login code if you need it for this exchange reference in the future>

 

Thank you.  Love you between now and next time.

 

<go on>

 

Page 2➞

abstractly surreal examples:

board game

 

it doesn't look like nudes floating in an eyeball from a distance

Prophet of the blog-as-art aesthetic

          One of my 'official questions', posed to Scoots at Yes but still... was:  In any style, write a succinct review of the blog: snapperhead.  His answer sat me back in my chair as if, mid-dinner, Hedwig just cat-walked over me.  I felt a surge of pride-to-the-point-of-embarrassment.  I, like anyone, appreciate kind words and recognition, as when MontiLee at The Diner [at] Penda's Relm complimented my blog with her post I'm Honored.  What follows is Scoot's answer, for which I feel exceptionally unworthy, because of my most recent feeble attempt at encapsulation-reviews.   Nonetheless, thank you, Scoots.

          On seeing Snapperhead, I immediately thought of Raging Bull.  Jake LaMotta would not be remarkable were he merely a boxer, merely an abusive husband, merely a man played by Robert DeNiro; what makes Jake LaMotta one of film's greatest characters, with an emotional heft distinct from anything his real-life counterpart might compel us to feel, is the combination of those three traits into a seamless whole.

           Snapperhead is no different. To find 'digital renderings' like this one:

          Seemingly surreal but with recognizable details threatening to peak out, a woman behind the yellow wallpaper of Veach Glines's depressed woman who happens to paint is not in itself a stunning revelation.

          To find insightful film criticism, or humorous digs at the French, would again hardly be remarkable.  Indeed, Glines fills his sidebar with links to sites that could provide similar content.  I will return to this point later.

          What makes Snapperhead remarkable is its fusion of these diverse elements into a cogent whole, bound together by the consistent personality and ever-high standards of Glines.

          Yet, also, Glines is remarkable for his attitude about the blogosphere.  His sidebar, with its 'applaudable' and 'standing ovationable' blogs, represents the relatively rare stance the author-artist takes: that blogging can be an art form.  Blogs are not, for him, merely an engine by which politically-minded citizens can effect social change, nor merely a way to let one's friends know what is happening in one's life.  Blogging is neither so lofty nor so trivial that Glines will excuse poor quality; instead, he demands engaging, high-quality content. He is a prophet of the blog-as-art aesthetic.

          Picture me, prostrate, head pointed in a east-north-easterly direction, towards Ohio.

Re-collecting Memories ❸ the third dozen

← the first dozen
← the second dozen

1984       25         Camp Howze, Korea - SGT - decision time: reenlist? - last 3 years "for family" have been thankless - learned no skills applicable to a civilian job - rare personnel fluke permits reenlisting to retrain into the MP corps.  Finally...a career decision for myself!  Optimistic.  Eager.                 
                            Camp Howze, Korea - SP4 -  barracks is an open-bay Korean-war era quonset hut - after curfew, PFC Redbird wakes me up with his stereo - for many weeks I turn it off after he passes out (so I can sleep) - one night he turns it back on - we fight - I smash the boombox - he smashes me - I learn the folly of punching a drunk.  Bruised and beat.  Forced to replace a stereo.  Seriously reprimanded.  Three times a loser.

1985       26         Fort McClellan, Alabama - SGT - MP school - provided a hotel in Anniston, Alabama (with other sergeants) to reduce the chances of us fraternizing with the junior trainees - third week of training: a stunning private in a tight t-shirt flirts with me - we secretly meet every subsequent weekend until graduation.  Bold.  Attractive.  Exhilarated.  Desired.  
                            Fort Stewart, Georgia - SGT - I purchase a Hondamatic motorcycle - with all my post-divorce possessions strapped to it, I drive 500 miles - the skin on my arms above my normal tan receives a serious second degree sunburn.  Scarred.  Stupid.  Permanently freckled.

1986       27         Fort Stewart, Georgia - SGT - driver during a 45 minute top-speed pursuit - sheriff deputies from neighboring counties assist - recover the stolen car - no one injured (thieves escape on foot into the forest).  Unequaled adrenaline rush.  Excited.  Euphoric.
                            Fort Stewart, Georgia - SGT - break up a "bar fight" - left thigh punctured in the scuffle, about an inch deep, by a small pocket knife - in order to avoid being reprimanded (failing to thoroughly search a suspect) I tell no one about the stabbing - doctor my own leg - patch my uniform.  Sheepish.  Careless.  Lucky but dumb. 

1987       28         Yongsan, Korea - SGT - assigned investigator duties (from uniformed desk sergeant duty) - civilian clothes - unmarked vehicles - additional training - more responsibilities - less regimentation.  Proud.  Professional.  Important. 
                            Yongsan, Korea - SGT - step off a public bus in downtown Seoul - as my right foot touches the curb, I experience a migraine (or mini-stroke) - the pain lasts less than a second - knees buckle - the most excruciating burst of blazing electric white I can conceive of.  Dizzy.  Relieved.  Certain I'd have ended my own life to stop it, if it had endured for any length of time.  Frightened.      

1988       29         Yongsan, Korea - SGT - free tickets to the summer Olympics in Seoul - trackside when Florence Griffith Joyner (Flo-Jo) wins one of her gold medals.  Not present when Greg Louganis struck the diving board with his head.  Enthusiastic.  Patriotic.  Happy.
                             Yongsan, Korea - SGT - my application to become a CID agent is returned disapproved - 'derogatory background check' is the stated reason.  Crushed.  Incredulous.  Defeated (I have already turned down promotion twice to qualify for this position).

1989       30         Yongsan, Korea - SGT - granted Top Secret (TS) security clearance - FOIA request my background documents: no derog info - confused by the dichotomy, I re-apply and request an official review - approved for CID special agent school - "suspicion of adultery" was rationale for initial disapproval (based solely on the coincidence of my '85 return from Korea and subsequent divorce and my marriage to a Korean a year later).  Elated.  Persistence paid-off.  Vindicated.
                            Yongsan, Korea - SGT - a week away from departure, my extremely distressed and confused, mentally handicapped, indoor-only cat escaped from the pet carrier (as we are heading to the veterinarian) - all efforts to catch him fail - left him on the streets of Seoul.  Culpable.  Downhearted.  Glum. 

1990       31         Columbus, Georgia - SGT - pick up a wadded bill from the floor of the Fort Benning movie theater - after the film, I discover it's a fifty.  Sad for the person who lost it.  Rationalize keeping it by telling myself: 'only an idiot wads up a fifty dollar bill and jams it in their pocket'.  Fortuitous.
                            Columbus, Georgia - SGT - my unit deploys to Saudi Arabia for Desert Shield - unaccredited agents (like me) must remain behind - my new task is to efficiently terminate every "less serious" case - I close more than 80 in four weeks - admonished by the operations officer for continuing to investigate a soldier-on-civilian rape allegation - I question him - he replies, "she's just a Korean...they're all whores...close it...immediately".  Blindsided.  Aghast.  Offended.  Hamstrung by my probationary status.  Disillusioned.  

1991       32         Columbus, Georgia - SSG - double eagle (three under par) on the final par 5 of the Bradley golf course - from the white tee: average drive, middle of the fairway - perfect 3 wood second shot - slight uphill, over 250 yards, hit the flagstick - rolls in the hole for a 2.  Astonished.  Flabbergasted.  Quite pleased with my once-in-a-lifetime shot.     
                            Columbus, Georgia - SSG - attempt to repair my acrimonious eight-year estrangement with my (bigoted) immediate family - vacation in Indiana - introduce my wife of five years - no one (including me) can let bygones become water under the bridge.  Tense.  Vexed.  Ill at ease.

1992       33         Columbus, Georgia - SSG - most tumultuous year - 3 relationships (divorce, affair, marriage) - 3 assignments (personal crimes, duty team, economic crimes) - 3 schools (fraud investigations, protective services, hostage negotiations) - everything happening at once - living life in the heavily occupied vehicle lane (speeding past my peers).  Glad it all happened.  Amazed to experience/accomplish so much so fast.       
                            Columbus, Georgia - SSG - personal compass needle spinning - too much too fast - living life according to the whim of hormones and the schedule of supervisors.  Weary.  Crazy.  Glad to put it all behind.

1993       34         Mons, Belgium - WO1 - graduate from warrant officer candidate school - assigned to General Shalikashvilli's protection detail - diplomatic passport - upgraded security clearance (TS-SCI).  Enjoy the unexpected perks of constant travel.  Superior.  Elite. 
                            Mons, Belgium - WO1 - complete staff turnover - new SACEUR - all new supervisors (who've never heard the phrase: if it's not broken don't fix it).  Discouraged.  Worried.

1994       35         Mons, Belgium - WO1 - Athens and the Aegean islands, Moscow, Oslo, Florence, Venice, Garmish, Berlin, London, Amsterdam, Dresden, Lake Geneva.  Busy.  Worldly.  Amazed.  Awestruck.
                            Mons, Belgium - WO1 - Lisbon, Sarajevo, Istanbul, Livorno, Izmir, Norfolk, Harrisburg, Dijon, Ukraine.  Tired of babysitting a couple of pretentious adults.  More wary of back stabbing co-workers and fumbling foreign police than terrorists.  Concerned.  Cautious.  Disdainful.  

1995       36         Mons, Belgium - CW2 - off leash, Cody—my new dog—will heel, sit, stay, come, lie down and fetch - still working on jumping, climbing, eating only with permission and barking only on command - we run together for miles every week - always looking for new challenges to teach my new playmate.  Ecstatic when training is successful.  Happy when he's pleased.
                            Mons, Belgium - CW2 - slip on a throw rug in my living room, land on my elbow and break my left arm - surgery - metal plate - terrible hospital (almost die from a previously unknown allergy to morphine-based pain med.) - worse surgeon (sharp heads of the 8 countersunk screws aren't sunk into the plate, points of six of the screws protrude through the bone) - office flunky during rehab.  Embarrassed.  Miserable.  Bad health still about every 15-years (see 1979 and 1964).  Most stressful series of experiences.
                                                                                                                                          the fourth dozen →

LA NOIRE - Review (☆☆☆☆☆)

          After I was about 24-hours deep into L.A. Noire the 17-year-old son of my fiancée (who'd not yet played) asked, "Do you find your former experience as a cop helps?"

          "No."  I said, keeping the hop-headed juvenile delinquent in my peripheral vision while still focusing on the baby booming post-war city of angels (where none are depicted).  "In fact, I find the opposite to be true."

          If you're a fan of any or all of the games made by Rockstar, you'll like this one and will be in familiar territory.  Here, instead of being a gangster (like in all the GTA's) or an outlaw (Red Dead Redemption) you're a good cop in a world of corruption.  Just like previous Rockstar's, you still drive any and every vehicle—but in 1947 L.A. you ask politely or 'emergency commandeer' them—but, different from previous games, you must drive carefully; hitting citizens or damaging property ruins your score.

          The map of Los Angeles is huge and there are more puzzles than ever before.  Players must find 50 golden film reels (hard—I've only found 2); discover and photograph all the 1947 landmarks; drive 95 different cars (not too hard—I've already found 83); and solve a few dozen crimes by locating evidence and interviewing people.

          Here's where being a former cop is a detriment:  You choose from truth, doubt, or lie after they answer every interview question.  No going back.  No do-overs.  No interrogations.  No repeating yourself.  And, if you don't have hard, tangible, evidence in-hand you can't accuse them of lying.  But...just like in real life...everyone rarely tells the truth.  So far, I'm the worst at determining who's telling the truth and who to doubt (there's a built-in work-around using "intuition points," but I've not resorted to that quasi-cheat—obviously, my downfall).

          All the missions in the game could probably reach 'case closed' status in less than 25 total-hours.  However, with all the side missions, puzzles, and the occasional case do-over (because your outcome changes depending on the quantity of evidence you compile, confessions you obtain, and collateral damage you avoid) I believe the game will/could take a minimum of 75-100 hours before boredom sets in.

          Although I think LA NOIRE deserves my highest rating, it's not for children.  Not because it's rife with the stereotypical misogyny, racism, and hyper-nationalism often depicted in films and TV, which show us post-WWII America through a dark and gritty lens, (e.g. Dragnet, The Killers, The Two Jakes) nor because it contains violence, nudity, and profanity (albeit that's not a bad reason) but because it requires an adult's reasoning and sensibility.  If you're old enough to enjoy a black-and-white police procedural you'll understand and appreciate this game.       

The Sacred Book of the Werewolf

The Sacred Book of the Werewolf by Victor Pelevin

My review

rating: 4 of 5 stars

The world works in a mysterious and incomprehensible fashion. Wishing to protect frogs from children's cruelty, adults tell children not to crush them because that will make it rain - and the result is that it rains all summer because the children crush frogs one after another. And sometimes it happens that you try with all your might to explain the truth to someone else, and suddenly you understand it yourself. (pg 316)

...the American film The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen...gathered together all the supermen of the nineteenth century. (There is)...nothing original about it. An economy based on brokerage gives rise to a culture that prefers to resell images and concepts created by others rather than creating new ones. (pgs 11-12)

...if someone says something memorable to us, we almost always repeat it in conversation with other people, regardless of whether what was said was stupid or clever...mind is simply a tennis racket you can use to keep bouncing the conversation from one subject to another for as long as you like. We give people back the ideas and opinions that we have borrowed from them - reflecting them from another angle, giving them a different spin, sending them into a vertical climb.

Let me remark modestly that my simulated thought almost always turns out better than the original... Who serves all these shots? One of the people?...

I'll have to wait until I have a conversation on this subject with some intelligent person. Then we'll see which way I drive the ball. That's the way I've been discovering the truth... (pgs 136-137)

Gravity - review (☆☆☆☆☆)

          Gravity.  See it.  Every decade or three a film is released which is as good as this.  One which really needs to be seen on the big screen (in this case, I believe, the extra money to view it in 3D is money you'll not regret spending).
          Remember how you were stunned and amazed by Kubrick's 2001 in the late 60's, or whenever you finally saw it for the first time?  That's how Gravity will make you feel (only with all the unexpected thrills of 2010's Buried and without all the science fiction...just a full serving of science fact).

UNBLOGGED

I distilled 24-months of my s n a p p e r h e a d writings and art—with a dash of comics and a splash of personal perspectives (2004–May 2009) into a book: UNBLOGGED the flesh and starch of snapperhead.

I did this because my mother is 70-years-youngish-oldish, and—like many of the generation that begat the baby boomers (the WWII generation?)—she's built her own Maginal Line against technology (which she doesn't cross, and regards those who do with a measurable quantity of disdain). Accordingly, cell phones, computers, the Internet, high-def TV, DVRs, and things of that ‘ilk’ will never be invited within the glow of her campfire.

In order to permit her to read and view snapperhead, I created a soft-bound book, 205 pages long, made of high-quality 8½" x 11" paper, with full-color artwork/photos. I did not include housekeeping posts, dated posts, comments, meme’s, or 98% of the hypertext effluvium.

The front cover:

The back cover:

The index pages:

• 5 Driving Anozira Style [ Creative non-fiction essay]
• 8 Shrimp-cheese [Comic strip]
• 9 Armbytrarie and Snapperhead History [Art & non-fiction article]
• 10 Field Notes [Creative non-fiction essay]
• 14 Locality of Fear [Art]
• 15 Decision Waffling [Writing Challenge]
• 17 Entranced Exit [Art]
• 18 Rhymen Standard Pennant & Love Note [Art & Message]
• 19 TYPE 4 Remnant [Speculative Fiction ‘grabber’ page]
• 19 Six and Seventy [Art]
• 20 Seven and Seventy [Art]
• 20 Lotto Luck [First pages of a fiction story]
• 22 All Fun and Games [Non-fiction story]
• 32 Sarah in the Pity [Art]
• 33 Jorge with a Cat [Speculative Fiction (Chapter 1&2)]
• 39 Vestige of Course [Art]
• 40 The Tobbo Shop (Agent Veach) [Science Fiction (Chapter 1)]
• 43 The Tobbo Shop (Agent Veach) [Science Fiction (Chapter 2)]
• 48 Anger, Angst and a Jalopy & 10 Things [Art & List]
• 49 Urgrund and Self Portrait [Art (2)]
• 50 Patrol Cap Years [Creative non-fiction (Chapter 1)]
• 54 Monoscholastic Sex [Art]
• 55 Vacation Drug [Plot Treatment & Sketch]
• 56 Illicit Has Three Eyes [Art]
• 57 Film Code (thru my eyes first) [Opinion Article]
• 66 Sidore Kuroneko [Art]
• 67 Allow Me to Introduce Myself [List]
• 73 One Station Eighteen [Art]
• 73 Some Films are Bad, mmmkay? [Opinion Article]
• 76 Asta Right [Art]
• 76 The Invisible Underpinnings [Creative non-fiction story]
• 78 BFM (zip overseer mix) [Art]
• 79 Can You Canoe? [Opinion Article]
• 82 Keep Fingers Clear [Art]
• 82 Dawn Begins at Zero Dark-Thirty [Speculative fiction & non-fiction essay]
• 85 Sample Fourteen [Art]
• 86 Book Meme [Q&A]
• 87 The Architect of Sleep & Berserk Helix [Book Opinion & Art]
• 88 Q on Next Generation can do it right? [Non-fiction Conversation]
• 90 Natunatch 19 [Art]
• 90 Interview [Q&A]
• 91 Cicatrize It [Art]
• 92 PAPA’s Auto Opinion [Fiction Article]
• 94 Quill Cog Native [Art]
• 95 Knotted Picayune [Art]
• 96 The Seven Shades of Love [Opinion Essay]
• 101 Vaca-Enn-We [Art]
• 102 Xjer-Catch & Tomah Relatives [Art & Poem]
• 103 Prudence Afore, Ian, snap & Paramour [Art (2) & Poem (2)]
• 104 TITLE UNKNOWN [Speculative Fiction (Chapter 1)]
• 106 Misplaced Scorn, Who has it? [Opinion Essay]
• 108 Surreptitious & Paramours Birthday [Art & Prose]
• 109 Didn’t say it was right, just that it was [Art]
• 109 Perfect breast & Breach Cesarean [100-word challenge (2)]
• 110 Dor-man-t-of-fer-ing [Art]
• 110 TITLE UNKNOWN [Speculative Fiction (Chapter 2)]
• 113 Neosporin [Art]
• 113 PP-BOATS are different than B.P. BOATS [Opinion Article]
• 116 Public Service Homicide [Art]
• 117 TITLE UNKNOWN [Speculative Fiction (Chapter 3)]
• 120 Dreamline & Exactly What You Need [Art (2)]
• 121 100-word challenges [Opinion & Other ‘snippits’ (6)]
• 123 TITLE UNKNOWN [Speculative Fiction (Chapter 4)]
• 126 Chasing Svelte [Opinion Article]
• 129 Lightbox - Nightlight [Photograph]
• 130 Flippers and Floppers [Opinion Article]
• 131 TITLE UNKNOWN [Speculative Fiction (Chapter 5)]
• 134 Vet, Single . . . cash [Opinion Article]
• 136 All Saints & Year One of my Sabbatical [Art & Creative non-fiction story]
• 138 Fortunate Fortnight [Art]
• 138 TITLE UNKNOWN [Speculative Fiction (Chapter 6)]
• 142 Scathing Elves [Personal Observation]
• 143 Sketch of Portland & Reason #12 [Art & Opinion Article]
• 144 Electoral College Opinion [Opinion Article]
• 145 Reason #11 & Greypopcorn [Opinion Article & Art]
• 146 TITLE UNKNOWN [Speculative Fiction (Chapter 7)]
• 149 The Story Behind the Sign [Creative non-fiction story]
• 150 Sharp Edges & Reason #10 [Art & Opinion Article]
• 150 Portrait of Monti Lee [Explanation Article/Photo]
• 151 Portrait of Monti Lee [Art]
• 152 TITLE UNKNOWN [Speculative Fiction (Chapter 8)]
• 155 Reason #9 & Why do you live there? [Opinion Article (2)]
• 156 Breakfast [Art]
• 157 Reason #8 [Opinion Article]
• 157 TITLE UNKNOWN [Speculative Fiction (Chapter 9)]
• 160 Reason #7 [Opinion Article]
• 161 Jobs [List]
• 162 Harvest Festival & Reason #6 [Opinion Article (2)]
• 163 Phredd’s Pengwynne & Altrusitic Evil [Art & Opinion Essay]
• 165 21 December 2012 [Creative non-fiction Article]
• 166 Reason #5 [Opinion Article]
• 167 NIGHTMARE [Non-fiction story]
• 168 Wholw & Review of Public Enemies [Art & Opinion Essay]
• 170 ...dogs begin to smell her... [Creative non-fiction story]
• 171 Reason #4 [Opinion Article]
• 172 Finally Caught Me [Creative non-fiction story]
• 175 Reason #3 [Opinion Article]
• 175 Gus 1998-2008 [Creative non-fiction story]
• 179 Finate [Art]
• 180 Giggle Bone & Continuing Nonsense [Non-fiction story (2)]
• 181 Ingrate Portrait & Reason #2 [Art & Opinion Article]
• 182 Hapse Knot [Art]
• 183 Conversation with a Ditz [Comic Strip]
• 183 War Story (that’s not a real war story) [Creative non-fiction story]
• 188 Ingrate Legal [Art]
• 189 Le-Ge-Ec & Reason #1 [Art & Opinion Article]
• 190 Stegasaur to Sauropod [Comic Strip]
• 191 Sometimes it is all ahead of you [Q&A Opinion Essay]
• 192 Spoof Radially [Art]
• 193 Conversation Santa and Bunny [Comic Strip]
• 194 Pareidolia-Apophenia [Art]
• 195 Zeal 4 Real [Comic Strip]
• 196 Two not-much-discussed Failures [Creative non-fiction story]
• 199 ESP Explained [Comic Strip]
• 200 Boswell–Seasons & Puffy Writing [Art & Opinion Essay]
• 201 Black and White Stuffed Convention [Comic Strip]
• 201 Fear = Survival Mechanism [Opinion Essay]
• 203 Fourth Dehydrated Hyena [Art]

Interested in purchasing a copy of UNBLOGGED? Email me at veachglines@gmail.com and I'll provide you with my address or a paypal account. Once I receive US$20.00 + shipping (at the rate of your choosing) I'll send one to you.

Interested in having your blog turned into a book? I can, and will, do it for you. Obviously, the cost will depend on which (and how many) of your posts/photos/art you want used, as well as how many pages are created.

Email me. I’ll examine your archives and discuss the project with you prior to providing you with a cost (I estimate about US$1.00 for each sheet-and-a-half of paper—so my 205 page book would have cost about $75 to create—add about $12 for the 11" x 17 3/4" cover and binding, add shipping costs). I suspect most blogs could become a 200-page book for less than $100.00. All you'd have to do is pick the posts!