Gender Neutral Honorific New-to-you (for Zero)

 

      "Hey there!  Hey!  Don't step on me mister!"

      "Whoz-at down there?"

      "Red Eft, here!  Pronouns: they/them, honorific: newt*.  You don't mind if I keep moving while we talk, do ya?"

 

      "Nice to see you -ahh- Neww-t.  Never used 'Newt' as an honorific.  This is a first for me.  And, I enjoy when I do something for the first time and can recognize itz a novel experience thatz happening to me.  Gonna take some time to familiarize myself with how it feelz-n-such.  I'm pleased you called out to me, though ... Neww-t ... 'cause I didn't see you at first."

      "First time for you!  Nice.  So, before now, what did you say to someone new-to-you, who was not displaying visually identifiable colors or shapes or smells or sounds and such in order to communicate their gender?"

 

      "Well, ahh, we, ahh, I ... would choose not use any honorific until I knew if they were a 'sir' or a 'ma'am' or a 'doctor' or a 'yer highness' or a 'your majesty'... Neww-t."

 

     "I see!  It sounds very-much-as-if you are normally perceived as impolite or rude, by most of the world.  That doesn't bother you?"

     "Oh.  Well.  I don't know if thatz accurate, I mean..."

     "Is this another first-time for you?  I am so happy to have afforded you the opportunity to have two firsts inside of such a brief time!  You looked down and then asked me, 'who is that down there' and clearly—you were unaware that it sounded brisk and unfriendly.  Polite and friendly would have been to ask 'who is that down there, newt'.  If I were displaying my dark greens then you would have been correct to ask me 'who is that down there, sir' and if I chose to display my yellows then you would have been correct to ask me 'who is that down there, ma'am'.  Oh!  I'm not communicating something clearly, am I, mister?  Because you have chosen to display the nonverbal expression that can only be described as befuddled."

 

      "Red.  Neww-t.  I am sorry.  You are speaking clearly.  Thatz also the face I make when I am processing new-to-me information.  I process slowly.  I'm older."

 

      "Well I can see you are older just by looking at your size—you are so much older than me!  But, if I may give you a tiny bit of advice?  You, sir, pronounce the gender neutral honorific like a clumsy.  I just heard you use it's un-abbreviated form: new-to-me, which—when shortened—is newt.  You drop the word 'to' in the middle.  After the 't' and before the 'o'?  Most of the time it sounds like you are calling me a Newt.  Also rudeness.  Like—as if—I were to call you 'human' instead of 'sir'.  Very different.  You see?"

 

      "You have been very helpful, newt.  I do have a question about your orange color.  Respectfully.  I was informed that itz a 'poisonous to eat' warning.  Zat true?"

 

      "I do not know the answer to your question, mister, and, I've never heard about it from any others of my species.  Why do you ask?  Are you hungry?"

 

      "No, Red.  Just curious to know if what I was once told or read was a truth.  If it was actually a fact or if—like almost everything in the world that I've not personally experienced—it was just another fabricated belief, passed down from some long-dead doctor-scientist to another ignorant old human.  Like my Self.  I'm working on getting rid of concepts, assumptions, suspicions, and beliefs that I have no actual experience with, and which I have not personally verified the veracity of."

 

     "But.  If I said that I was, or was-not, poisonous - and related a story which, in my mind, would confirm or deny it—you still would not have actually verified it yourself.  Right?  You would need to eat me to change your as-yet-not-verified belief into a personally-known truth?"

      "Yes, newt-Red.  That is correct."

      "And if your previous belief turned out to be true, you might die smarter!"

      "You, dearest newt, are missing the point in its glorious entirety!  And—finally—I can share something new-to-you:  I have just come to realize, while talking with you, that the foundational bedrock of the reason to rid myself of all the brain clutter and non-mandatory mental stuff, which I don't really know to be true (because I've never personally experienced it), is because itz better to accept that I do not know something—like your poisonous or nonpoisonous nature—than to continue to blindly accept what I've been informed about the all-of-everything for my entire life!

      I can, now, welcome never being uncomfortable with the continuous urge to know.  Or, to put it in a positive manner: I am comfortable (and will go on being comfortable) only accepting that I know only the very, very, few truths which I have experienced first-hand.  Everything else is hearsay.  Everything else has no bearing on my actual core being.

      My central Being is not connected to awareness of anything based on assumptions or beliefs or superstitions or even actual facts (which I've yet to experience with my own senses).

      My human Self, on the other hand, is a 'metaphorically-separate' mental entity.  It is responsible for keeping me safe and alive.  It BELIEVES you are poisonous to the touch and could make me die if I ate you.  So, I let my Self decide not to touch you, and I keep on living.

      My Being has no desire to touch you, newt Red Eft, because it is comfortable not knowing.  Happy not knowing.  Content not knowing.  Voluntarily not knowing.  Intentionally not knowing.  And not because moving one more little tiny piece of information from my personal 'belief column' to my 'true-knowledge' column would cause you harm.  But because Not Knowing is Being."

 

*Editor note:  Pronouncing the gender-neutral honorific - newt - sounds like saying 'nude' without drawing-out the word.  Pronouncing the species name - Newt - draws out the vowel and lands-hard on the T.  

 

go on reading:

 

the AGENDA scale

 

Story-Research: Pink 4 Girls / Blue 4 Boys

 

keep your brain and body healthy

NEFND - 2022

 

 

 

 

 

 

related in non-relatedness:

Go On (a manual) Draft Book Cover

NEFND card 2020

 

modicum of self-awareness

Course Curriculum (Go On, Part 1)

 

           Core coarse chores course curriculum (the first unnecessary words were left in-place because it's one of the ways to both differentiate, while—at the same time—showing how much our minds are different).  Another way to display the (obvious to me) different control mechanisms of my (Asperger's) brain/mind and yours is to point out that I am aware the phrase which begins after the first comma contains incorrect grammar.  I should have either used two gerunds: 'of differentiating while ... showing'.  Or none: 'both differentiate and ... show'.

 

          A third way would be to share some unimportant things from the pile of shit-I-have-coached/coaxed/coerced-into-my-mind.  This could also be an answer to:  "If someone wanted to begin studying Philosophy [with no desire to afford obtain a diploma, because they felt no need to prove (to others) they spent money and time learning about knowledge} where would that someone start?" 

          Start where you want.  But.  Maybe you might want to start at a point which allows you to gradually come to understand why you want—might GO ON wanting in the near future—to keep knowing which allows you to know more.  To understand why you know what you think you already might have known. 

         

 

          PS: When you get tangled in the flow of investigating one, or many, of these essays; pause and listen to some (or many) of the rhythms compiled in the last video.  Or just give yourself some space to locate the knots and time to grasp the rest.   It really is as simple as meditating listening without falling asleep.

How to Begin, Middle, and End

 

 

          If you don't have ten minutes to listen to this man's advice, now, today, then--whenever you learn that I died--find ten minutes at that point and listen to it.  And take everything he says during this TED talk as if some asshole you once called by my name was claiming this was the one piece of advice I wish I had gotten earlier in my life and the one piece of advice I wish I had passed along more often.  To you. 

Wonderfully Obscure Song by Reunion

          Occasionally a 'one-hit wonder' becomes a 'classic'.  This one never did.  I loved this song so much in 1974 that I tried to write it all down and memorize the lyrics—just from repeat radio listening's.  Today, a plethora (today's word boys and girls!) of lists are a click away:  "Lost One Hit Wonders;" "Classic Golden Oldies;" or "Deep Album Tracks" and this song is almost certainly not on any of them.

          Thirteen years later, R.E.M. released It's the End of the World As We Know It (it's time I had some time alone) and the rambling poetic stream of prose, names, situations, and its long staccato-list of ways the world has changed (e.g: ... team reporters baffled, Trumped, tethered, cropped ...) reminded me of Reunion's Life is a Rock (But the Radio Rolled Me) and my Asperger's re-reminded me to ask those people in my vicinity if they ever remembered it.  And I've occasionally asked more and more people ever since then.

          Not one person has ever replied 'yes'.

          I can't be the last person to remember this song with a smile!  (Can I?)

Good Times {my last temp job}

          ...GGooood...Ttiiimes... Not-too-many-years-ago some co-workers decided it was fun to sigh good times, accompanied by a large condescending exhale of breath, in such an exaggerated manner that their audience understood they were being sardonically sarcastic.  It caught on with a certain type of asshat.  Some would groan the words multiple times a day.  It definitely grated.  But I never even outwardly rolled my eyes.  Nothing.

           In late 2019 (before Covid19) I was hired as an administrative clerk with the 2020 US Census Bureau in Burlington, Vermont.  At first, there were only 6-8 of us.  It was nice meeting new people.  It was helpful to learn local lore.  Then Gloria started working there.

 

          Gloria was pleasant to talk to, in her 70s, and seemed to especially enjoy detailing all of her various mental and physical afflictions and ailments.  Although she needed wrist-crutches to walk, she always had a smile on her face and a kind word to share.  One thing Gloria did not talk about was that she was excessively obese and a consequence of that was—she did not bathe adequately.  Her solution was to heavily douse the parts of herself she could reach in mind-numbingly strong lotion-deodorizer and hobble to work.  Picture the gluttony guy, from the movie Se7en, combined with the sloth guy's smell (don't forget the thousands of little cardboard pine air fresheners).

 

          One of my Asperger's traits happens to be an extreme sensitivity to odor.  It's rarely an issue anymore.  Sure my friends have to lose their habit of wearing cologne or perfume if they want to sit with me indoors.  But except for the occasional requirement to move my airplane or theater seat when someone like Gloria is nearby—I rarely have any anger issue.  That's my emotional response: if a terribly strong smell arrives, which I can't escape from, anger is locked and loaded.  Important note: "angry smells" do not make me angry.  I need a trigger.  [Metaphor: a epileptic may be prone to seizures, but needs a flashing light.]

          I moved my desk so I could sit as distant from Gloria as possible.  We talked from a distance.  I breathed thru my mouth when anger smells made me start to feel "snarky".  This lasted a month until a new internal "team" was scheduled to be formed.  Six of us, including Gloria and I, were supposed to train together and then sit together and work on the same project.

 

          Immediately, I sat down in private with the new team's manager, explained where my individual Asperger's fit into the broader spectrum, and told him I needed to be de-selected from his new team.  I learned he was nose-blind, had never wondered why no one sat next to Gloria, and that he was set in his ways (a polite way to describe an outdated old coot who thought reading aloud was teaching; kicking the can down the road was managing; and considered outdated to be a pejorative.)  Nose-blind decided I was either exaggerating or lying and his fix was to keep a few desks between Gloria and me.

           The supervisor selected to oversee Nose-blind's new team was my trigger.  His name was Fuck.  Nose-blind was also clueless as fuck to the irritating, cringe-awful, personality of Fuck.  In our first days of training (as I listened for hours to Fuck and Nose-blind take turns reading from the manual, trapped in the training room with glorious sloth-gluttony) it became clear that Nose-blind had not mentioned to Fuck that he should avoid flashing his strobe light in my eyes when I'm forced to sit near Gloria.

           This is how I made it almost a full week:  I never sat with the team and I constantly reminded Fuck to stop hovering/irritating/talking/lying/manipulating and bragging about himself (although he never stopped, he did focus it less in my direction).

 

          Then . . . as a combination of feces-urine-sweat mixed with Pinesol-flavored powdered roses and yeast-infection, linked up with the humidity in my sinus cavity . . . Fuck decided it was time to kneel on the floor so we could be eye-to-eye and petulanty insist that I do it the way he told me to do it!  Not because it's logical or correct or in the manual (it's not) but because . . . I'm your supervisor.  And I exploded.

          I brought the entire room of twenty phone-calls and conversations to a halt with my "why are you being such a fucking asshole" question.  I asked him several times, in a gradually increasing volume, until Nose-blind escorted me into the conference room.  (Fuck never stopped chattering into the manual about how I was wrong and he was right.)

           Nose-blind was soon accompanied by the arm (Assistant Regional Manager).  The arm was in her mid-20's, on some form of mood-speed, said like, like, a few too many times, like in every sentence, and framed her questions in a way that made one thing very clear: Nose-blind never gave her a head's up about the precarious conjunction of Gloria, Veach's Asperger's, and Fuck's fuckatude.  So as I caught the arm up to speed, I answered her questions-clumsily-phrased-as-statements and learned she thought Fuck was fantastic at his job and that Nose-blind's idea to keep "kicking the can down the road" was the correct course of action.  Every time I used the phrase, Nose-blind got more agitated.  (Consequently, I found ways to repeat it.)  You say you've no intention of kicking the can down the road, but we are sitting in the same place we sat weeks ago when I explained my Asperger's the first time.  This is exactly what kicking the can down the road looks like.)  I apologized for my angry outburst.  They told me to take lunch, cool off, and return to work.  Instead, I left and went home.

           From home, I compiled and e-mailed a memorandum detailing everything in professional, legal verbiage.  I used many phrases like: or words to that effect, and, on or about the time/date, and, requested accommodation for my disability.  The following day I called Nose-blind about the memo and asked about being reassigned.  He acted indignant, put-out and whined, "Veach, it's only been one day!"

           The next day: "Veach it's only been two days!"  So I told him, "Weeks ago, when I requested you not re-assign me, that was a clear and reasonable request for an accommodation for my disability.  When I did that, I fully complied with EEO guidelines.  Now, I expect you to un-reassign me in accordance with those same Equal Employment Opportunity Anti-Discrimination Against the Disabled Guidelines."  I also told him that if I didn't hear from him before the weekend, I would make a formal complaint to the EEO office in Boston.  I ended our conversation with, "It may take months for them to investigate, but I suspect—in the end—they'll award me back pay, and, their investigation might be uncomfortable for you and for every highly paid manager (which I said with sardonic emphasis so, to his ear, it sounded like "Man-ager") who thinks kicking the can down the road is the proper course of action."

          The regional manager informed me the next day I'd be re-reassigned to admin/clerk duties, and (so-as-to-avoid Fuck-n-Grace) asked if I could work weekday evenings and full 12-hour days on weekends?

 

          ...Good Times...  

 

          That was my schedule until covid19 quarantine closed the office.  Then I caught it.  When they reopened, I decided not to return.  I was afraid the symptoms might be worse if I were re-infected or, if I was still contagious but asymptomatic, that I might unknowingly infect others.

 

          After all this unfolded, I became aware of an odd correlation:

 

          When I talked with people on the phone, informing them I'd been infected by covid19, everyone who'd gone through life with a conservative mindset asked initial questions framed with skepticism and doubt:  Did you get tested?  How do you know it wasn't just the flu, if you haven't been tested?  You didn't have a serious cough?  Couldn't have been Covid then, because I've heard it infects the lungs and everyone gets a cough.

 

          While everyone who'd gone through life with a liberal mindset asked initial questions framed with concern and recovery wishes:  How are you feeling?  What were your symptoms?  Any lingering side-effects?  How long were you bed-ridden?  What are your work plans?  How's your wife?

 

          My observations are, obviously, anecdotal.  But they can be succinctly described:

 

          Liberals lovingly

          Lavish levelheadedness

          Listening, learning.          

          Careless contemptful

          Conservatives constantly

          Cause consternation.

 

          Embrace empathy

          Encourage, espouse, extol!

          Eschew egotists.          

         

          Related side-note:  When I started work, I learned Vermont's total population had been slightly less than 626,000 (in 2010's census).  Recently, I learned the 2020 census identified a slight increase of about 1,250 people (two of whom were my wife and I).  The US death toll from Covid19 will surpass the entire population of Vermont this summer (two months from now).

 

          Get a vaccine and wear a mask!  The reason you are such a fucking asshole is you lack empathy.  It's your fault and it's killing people you egotistical, careless, contemptful, Nose-blind, Fuck.

 

          

 

additional Asperger's:

 

nonexistent fellowship of the neurodiverse

hyper-focus / eye-contact

 

attention to (stickers) detail

I Have A . . .

  

        I have a pin badge.  But I don't wear it.

        I have a NEUROLOGICAL hidden disability.

        I have Asperger's.  Somewhat impairment.

        I have a PHILOSOPHICAL inexorability.

        I have asked persons.  Who care a whit.

        I have an EPISTEMOLOGICAL sensibility.

        I have a keen eye.  Nonplussed by yer shit.

        I have a CERTAIN DIABOLICAL proclivity.

        I have awareness.  Disparaging to hypocrites.   

        I have a TAUTOLOGICAL poetic versatility.

        I have a grim adage.  Hurts when I share it.

          

similar:

the five W's and how

avoiding eye contact

A Music Playlist Keeping sAd (senility Alzheimer's dementia) Away

          This 62-song playlist is me memory-flexing and sAd combatting*—which occurred not only during the exercise of digging, stacking and bolting shiny-bits to shadow-bytes (resulting in a spiral staircase climbing thru my years) but, hopefully, re-occurs during my future listen-thru's.

          If you don't already know: my biggest fear is losing the me of my memories.  Worse, would be to not be cognizant of it happening as it's happening—to lose and never miss things that I consider intrinsic raises my hackles.  The reason this doesn't feel like an unreasonable apprehension is because my elderly female ancestors succumbed to sAd and all my male ancestors died before they were elderly (so even though I'm now officially an elder, I have no way to know if ...metaphor about shitting one's pants and wondering where's that smell coming from?...).

          I'm turning 62 years old.  With emphasis on that last word.  But.  I have an extra skip in my step (♬appy ♪ay to-me) because I'm the first in my male ancestral line to make it to gov't-bonafide old'nuff to collect monthly social security retirement benefits.    

          Since so many of my memories are nostalgically-attached to music, I set a few guidelines to make composing this playlist a challenge:

• One song—released during each year—which had a memorable impact on me.
• First priority has been given to songs listened to repeatedly during the year of their release.
• Alternatively, songs "discovered" after their release are listed in the year of their discovery.
  
• Last resort: placing a song in the year of its release when it was memorable later (e.g. 1959).
• No song for the current year (a 63-song playlist would bruise my design aesthetic). 
• Sixty-two songs / 62 different artists (solo-artists/samples, separate from their bands, allowed).
• Describe at least one memorable personal first from each year.
• Include a snippet of lyric relevant to then-me (which doesn't have to be related to the personal first).

          After the playlist was finished, I created an intermediate memory tool artwork / story-line to memorize it. 

          List to this entire playlist (4 hours 20 minutes) on YouTube by clicking the image.  Or—for those less interested in the full dose of this elderly creative philosopher's flashbacks—cherry-pick from the below titles/artists: 

1959  Theme From a Summer Place, Percy Faith Orchestra - my first year alive (no memories) this was played on family's 45rpm record player (for years) to put me to sleep

. . .

 

1960  Alley Oop, Hollywood Argyles - my first interaction with a newspaper (referred to as the Sunday Funny's in our house) I enjoy the ones that don't require words to understand

he lived a long time ago

 

1961  The Lion Sleeps Tonight (Wimoweh), The Tokens - my first "I understand all the words" non-nursery rhyme song (not easy replacing the itisy bitsy spider)

in the jungle ... near the village ... hush my darling

 

1962  Loco-motion, Little Eva - my first car trips; car seats don't exist so I stand between the seats on 'the hump' (in the backseat) and my new-born infant sister (Nanett) is held in someone's arms

my little baby sister can do it with me

 

1963  Dominique, Soeur Sourire - my first awareness of foreign countries and different languages, which I learn to translate (poorly) in high-school freshman French class (ten years later)

s'en allait tout simplement (over the land, he simply went or went simply)

1964  You Really Got Me, The Kinks - my first sleepwalking nightmare (a giant clown swinging in the leafless trees behind my house like they are the jungle-gym monkey bars on the playground)

you got me so I can't sleep at night

 

1965  King of the Road, Roger Miller - my first trip by passenger train (sleeper-compartment Massachusetts to Iowa and back, with my mother and three-year-old sister)

 third boxcar, midnight train

1966  Nowhere Man, The Beatles - my first moves; new schools, and new friends are disappearing faster than my baby teeth; new step-dad (three different schools and four different houses this year)

knows not where he's going to

1967  Windy, The Association - my first visit to a big city (Chicago, 'the windy city') this song played in heavy rotation on the radio (communal pickle barrel restaurant; dinner with step-dad's friends; their petulant child's name: Wendy)

who's reachin out to capture a moment

1968  Spooky, Classic IV - my first pet hamster, which I named Spooky [given to me, dead, on xmas eve by my parents; it's replacement was Spooky II (Spooky VI died in 1979) my parents were not intending to teach me Memento Mori, at 10]

just like a ghost, you've been a hauntin

 

1969  Thank You (Falettinme Be Mice Elf Agin), Sly & The Family Stone - [my first Mondegreen] my first crush (Janice Brailer, not her twin Janet) and I listened to this song at my first spin-the-bottle party

thank you for the party but I could never stay 

 

1970  No Sugar Tonight/New Mother Nature, Guess Who - my first awareness that adults were incompetent hypocrites unaware they're terrible at raising children (the call's coming from inside the house)

lonely feeling, deep inside; find a corner, where I can hide

 

1971  Changes, David Bowie - my first after school job ($1.25 hr) and my first overt disregard for adults 

So I turned myself to face me (turn and face the strange) ... don't wanna be a richer man

 

1972  Father and Son, Cat Stevens - my first artworks are created (stones glued and painted to look like people)

you're still young (that's your fault) ... I am old, but I'm happy ... think a lot ... your dreams may not

 

1973  Jenny, Chicago - my first verbal and physical abuse / assault (beat-up by my summer-job manager)

sad but true, z' always someone waiting just ta shit on you

1974  Seagull, Bad Company - my first rejection (of many) from girls I ask to "go out with me"

fly all around 'til somebody shoots you down

1975  Letting Go, Paul McCartney/Wings - my first kiss after a date (in my parent's car, in her driveway)

ahh, she tastes like wine, she's human bein so devine

 

1976  Livin Thing, Electric Light Orchestra - my first sexual encounter (oral, in a rented canoe)

sailin away on the crest of a wave ... slippin an slidin (it's a givin thing) floating downstream

 

1977  Never Going Back Again, Fleetwood Mac - my first serious alcohol poisoning (two-day hangover)

been down one time, been down two time

 

1978  Peg, Steely Dan - my first discovery of what became a life-long passion (double-feature art films)

it will all come back to you; it's your favorite foreign movie

 

1979  Pop Muzik, M - my first cat (white with spots of caramel-orange, named Popcorn, nicknamed him 'Pop') and my first college law class (based on my awareness that I probably won't be able to feed myself with an art degree)

wanna be a gun slinger, don't be a rock singer, eanie meany miny mo

 

1980  Emotional Rescue, Rolling Stones - my first art gallery show (UW-Milwaukee student show)

promises were never made to keep

 

1981  ABACAB, Genesis - my first co-habitation, first marriage (immediately followed by my first pregnancy)

think I'm to blame? (you want it - you got it) or reflection of someone else's name

 

1982  Shock the Monkey, Peter Gabriel - my first child is born (my son, Bram, was such a beautiful purple)

there is one thing you must be sure of, I can't take any more

 

1983  True, Spandau Ballet - my first overseas assignment (18 months in Korea)

always in time, but never in line for dreams

 

1984  Hold Me Now, Thompson Twins - my first breakup (and first failed marriage counseling and first amicable divorce)

look at our life now, we're tattered and torn; we fuss and we fight and delight in the tears

 

1985  Something About You, Level 42 - my first illicit affair (fraternizing with a junior soldier was forbidden)

making mistakes is a part of life's imperfections ... is it so wrong to be human

 

1986  Holding Back the Years, Simply Red - my first adrenaline fueled chase, while driving a military police sedan (eventually caught the stolen TransAm after 35+ miles; driver ran into a Georgia forest swamp and got away)

I'll keep holdin on, I'll keep holdin on

 

1987  Rhythm of Love, Yes - my first assignment as an undercover investigator (black-market and drug suppression team) and my initial advanced-training application was rejected (for Apprentice CID Agent school)

innocence no answer ... in this situation: I have found you in

 

1988  Orange Crush, REM - my first physical signs of mental stress/anxiety (back muscle seizure / heart palpitations / arrhythmia / incapacitating migraine / one mini-stroke)

I've had my fun and now it's time to serve your conscience overseas

 

1989  She Drives Me Crazy, Fine Young Cannibals - my first calculated insubordination (my letter to the MG) and my subsequent first opportunity to witness a miracle (BFR)

waitin round's killin me (runnin out of time) things go wrong, they always do

 

1990  The Power, SNAP! - my first foam-art sculpture (fade to black) and my first art commission

sgettin'sgettin'sgettin'sgettin kinda hectic

 

1991  Crazy, Seal - my first too-odd-for-words investigation (false rape allegation which hinged on a coincidence)

but we're never gonna survive unless we get a little ... crazy

 

1992  Walking on Broken Glass, Annie Lennox - my first assignments travelling* throughout Europe as a protective service agent (bodyguard for NATO commander in 20+ countries)

know that I might bleed ... nothing left to fear ... doing really well my dear

 

1993  Cose Della Vita, Eros Ramazzotti (Italian: the matters of life) - my first recognition of favorite cities and places to visit (Musée d'Orsay in Paris; as well as Florence, Venice, Siena, Naples and smaller cities throughout Italy)

all the memories we’ve had ... I want to remember, I can never forget

 

1994  Your Ghost, Kirsten Hersh/Michael Stipe - my first offensive driving course (Nürburgring, DE)

i-think-last-night-you were driving circles around me

 

1995  Carnival, Natalie Merchant - my first career self-sabotage [Although I hated being a protective service agent (labelled* babysitting grown-ass adults by a co-worker) I loved the travel; I decide to return to criminal investigation supervision]

have I been blind-have I been lost-inside myself and my own mind   

 

1996  Real World, Matchbox 20 - my first assignment as a unit commander (Special Agent in Charge)

well I'd shout out ... boy don't make me wanna change my - tone 

 

1997  A Long December, Counting Crows - my first scuba diving (open water PADI certification, obtained during a winter vacation in Negril, Jamaica)

it's been so long since I've seen the ocean - guess I should  

 

1998  One Week, Barenaked Ladies - my first awareness of the term Asperger's (although I realized how much it fit me, it would be many years before I admitted it to myself and still more before I talked about it openly)

I have a tendency to wear my mind on my sleeve

 

1999  Praise You, Fatboy Slim - my first significant family (genetic?) poor-health confirmations (my father, Leverett, dies at age 60 and my maternal grandmother is diagnosed with Alzheimer's at age 80)  

we've come a long, long way together; through the hard times, and the good

 

2000  Dreaming, BT/Kirsty Hawkshaw - my first success at lucid dreaming accompanied my first long-form-scribble pen/ink drawing (full drawing)

 walk with me, the future's at hand ... one taste is never enough

 

2001  Breathe, Télépopmusik/Angela McCluskey - my first danger-pay deployment "NATO peace keeping" assignment (7 days-a-week for seven months; Ops Officer Kosovo/Macedonia)

another day ... I'm used to it by now, I'm used to it by now

 

2002  No Children, The Mountain Goats - my first contested divorce (and my first military pension check)

I hope I lie: and tell everyone you were a good wife

 

2003  Brimful of Asha, Cornershop (Norman Cook Remix) - my first online dating foray (U-date) eventually results in a successful partnership (eighteen years later and there aren't sufficient words of praise)

she's the one that keeps the dream alive, from the morning past the evening to the end of the light

 

2004  Float On, Modest Mouse - my first serious car accident (SUV flipped end-over-end, at highway speed, during a massive Arizona hail storm) which became my first blog post on s n a p p e r h e a d (my first blog)

bad news comes, don't-you-worry, even when it - lands

 

2005  Feel Good Inc, Gorillaz - my first digitally rendered artwork (sarah in the pity - based on, and derived from, my significant other who consistently seems to be incessantly imbued with unforeseen unplanned serendipitous events)

got a new horizon, it's ephemeral style 

2006  Crazy, Gnarls Barkley - my first visit to Manitoba, Yellowstone, Glacier and Grand Tetons (grizzly bears, elk, owl, red fox, bison, black bears, bald eagle, moose, wolf)

having the time of your life ... no coincidence I've come (I can die when I'm done) 

 

2007  Kashmir, Led Zeppelin - my first "I would have paid $1000 for a ticket" event (London benefit concert with John Bonham's son, Jason, on drums) because Zep is the only band I regret not seeing when I had the chance

 traveler of both time and space to be where I have been ... across the sea of years

 

2008  Handlebars, Flobots - my first recognition of the world-impacting importance of a US presidential election (Obama-Biden vs McCain-Palin—after the Bush wars—who was president, now, had significance)

the strings that control the system ... end the planet in a holocaust

 

2009  I Remember, deadmau5 and Kaskade - my first santacon (the dichotomy of making fresh memories while drenching brain cells in alcohol . . . I will always remember the four rules of santa rampage!)

 feeling the past moving in ... hold to the time that you know ... add to the memory you keep

  

2010  Cantaloop (Flip Fantasia), Us3 - my first time to play disc golf at a professional course (Horning's Hideout)

drip-trip, flip fantasia ... you move your feet (biddy biddy bop)

 

2011  Pop Culture, Madeon - my first favorite mashup song (the dance video with Nathan Barnatt is priceless)

hole in the world ... time goes by, so slowly, time goes, time goes, time goes by 

 

2012  Simple Math, Manchester Orchestra - my first philosophy readings become studies; this song (and video) best capture my brain's struggles and its failure to comprehend what it's choosing to focus on.

what if I was wrong and started trying to fix it? ... been trying to get to where we’ve always been?

2013  Mash Machine, FAROFF - my first 700+ days of continual work finally finished (beginning in 2011 I/we delivered newspapers a few hours every morning; 7 days a week, with no days off, for almost two years)

I ain't happy ... days destroys the night ... kickin your can all over the place

 

2014  Would You...?, Touch and Go - my first wedding/honeymoon done the right way (two bands, belly/hula/burlesque dancers, a DJ; pot-luck/open bar; two weeks: beach cabin then ocean resort then mountain resort, hot tubs & fireplaces)

Ahmm...

 

2015  Lone Digger, Caravan Place - my first custom-ordered-from-the-factory automobile (matte grey/black cabriolet smart with all the baby-booty-bells and mini-crackerjack-box-whistles; with 7 speakers it's a rolling stereo)

baby can you move it round the rhythm cause you know we're living in the fast lane (speed up)

2016  Human, Rag'n'Bone Man - my first donation to a presidential campaign (others failed to Feel the Bern) and my first smart car road-trip (with my cat, Cecil; 5000 miles) and first reconnoiter-vacation (to Vermont)

don't ask my opinion, don't ask me to lie (don't put the blame on me) 

2017  Believer, Imagine Dragons - my first full solar eclipse experience, first extremely low spring tide, and my first volunteer "work" (in the Oregon Humane Society's cattery section)

First things first: Imma say all the words inside my head ... write down my poems for the few

2018  Hey Soul Sister, Train - my first permanent estraingement from my sister (Kim) after she revealed her covert narcissism following the death of my friend Carol (who also had Asperger's; this was Carol's favorite song)

you have a one-track mind, like me ... you see, I can be myself now finally

 

2019  Finally Moving, Pretty Lights (Etta James) - my first "blind move" (no: local place, friends/family or employment; two cars, two cats, Oregon-to-Vermont) and my first meeting with my two sons (Bram and Ian)

oh sometimes, I get a good feeling - yeah 

 

2020  Bad Guy, Billie Eilish - my first intentionally rude verbal altercation with a supervisor (as a US Census Bureau clerk, I asked one why he was being a fuckin asshole, told another she was a terrible supervisor)

 I do, what I want, when I'm wanting to ... so cynical ... (duh)

 

  * I don't want this groove to ever end (by LTJ Xperience) - this 63^rd song is my first intentional lie [mandatory because Rob Gordon (quoted below from the film rather than the show) and it was rch-close to being 420!  So this eerily appropriate 8 minute song-with-a-perfect-title added the correct ending emotional tone and the correct running time.] . . . oh, yea: asterisked words are spelled the correct British way (combatting with a single 't' sounds-to-my-eye like com-bate-ing; labeling—single l—also sexual, too close to labial; and travelling with one 'l'?  It's just bloody jarring in'it?)

 the making of a good compilation tape is a very subtle art

similar listening/watching:

 

sAd story origin

 

re-collecting 👍👎 parts 1 - 4

 

30-song playlist catagories

 

critique of 100 films