I have never celebrated the fake holiday in mid-February. It's a scam holiday which businesses use to sell cards, flowers, candy, and all that foolish shit. I give gifts or messages of love whenever the time feels right, not when someone's calendar says I'm supposed to.
Anyway—what the fuck is this thing we all have labelled with the word: LOVE? I know what mix of emotions I feel/have felt for those I've loved and do love (not a very large list) but it's amazingly hard to explain how certain fluctuations in my brain's chemicals affect my heart/brain/gut/libido and even harder to understand/compare when others explain their "feelings of love". We just assume everyone must be feeling the same way we feel when we use the same words they use.
"See that color? That is what I have labelled: Red."
"Oh, that's red? Ok, I'll begin to refer to everything which is colored that way: red. Umm, what about when I feel all these crazy feelings at the same time? I need a label, so that when I am feeling all these feelings I do not need to explain each of them every time."
"That is labelled: Love."
"What about all those same feelings, except one: I don't want to be physically intimate?"
"Still labelled: Love. You could add the word Platonic, but that'll require an explanation because that word has different interpretations."
"What about when I feel all those feelings for my pet?"
"When I say, I love my cat, Cecil, I think I must be misusing the word 'love'. Instead, I should-maybe find a word which is a compound for the meanings of the words: pride, enjoyment, happiness and
I'm proud of Cecil's training and I enjoy his 'loving' attention; he never makes me angry (mostly because he can't communicate with words, has no malice, and enjoys my company); and I admire him for his actions, looks, demeanor, and thoughtfulness (Is he being thoughtful? Am I just anthropomorphizing?). Maybe I should consider his name, Cecil, to be a label for what I feel about him—so when I say: "I Cecil you," I'm currently feeling a combination of pride/enjoyment/happiness/admiration for you.
When I receive an "I love you" I—almost never—respond with an "I love you too".
It's wrong to treat an I love you as if it requires a mandatory reply. It is not supposed to be interpreted as if it were the question: Do you love me? Also, it should not become a replacement phrase for goodbye. When people do that, they cause their incessant I love you's to lose their value. Eventually, it becomes a throw-away line. If said all the time, what do they say when they really want someone to know they have caused a rush of complicated emotions which are identified (when felt all at the same time) as the feeling of love?
Recap: "I Love You"—all three words—are reserved for when the emotion of love is actually being felt. I do not want my I love you to cause an immediate response of I love you too. I prefer either no reply or a response like: "those words make me feel good," or "Thank you," or "I like it when you tell me that," or "those words make me happy," or "when you say that, I get warm inside". It is better that the person you love smiles and says nothing, and some time in the future, if they tell me they are currently feeling the emotion they call love—for me—I know they're feeling love at that moment and I can decide to reply with my present feelings, or not to reply. I appreciate their statement of love when they are feeling it and then I consider what I did to make them feel that way. This is my normal.
Denise now says I love you to each of her children many times a day. Each of her kids reply with a I love you too. I see and hear their devotion and their respect. With them, it does not seem to be a "worn out phrase" or a "throw away line". In fact, when a child is upset (and, intentionally, does not reply to their mother's I love you) they—routinely—apologize (later) and remind her that they love her.
I am now an old distant relative with whom respectful cheek bumps may be apropos. And, now, I am adjusting to her normal. Now, I reply to her I love you with an I love you, too.